Taking Relationship Advice From Your Single Friends

4 January 2011 at 8:57 pm (Love & Relationships, Rants) (, , , , , , , , )


Why is this an issue with some people? I see ALL the time, people saying “Never take advice from a single person. They won’t give you nothing but a jaded outlook and besides, they’re probably jealous of your relationship anyway.” or “Asking advice from single people is like asking parenting advice from someone that doesn’t have or want children.”

LMAO. What!? That’s the biggest amount of crap I’ve ever heard. People should stop putting themselves on a pedestal and flattering themselves. NO relationship is perfect, therefore NO ONE needs to be jealous of you and your partner, number one. Number two, parenting is WAY different from being taken vs. being single. You could have HAD a relationship and gained a great amount of knowledge from it but are now single but being a parent is something you absolutely HAVE to have had experienced before you can give out advice. The two are NOT ¬†the same and not comparable at all.

I know the problem stems mostly from women asking other women and men saying “Stop asking your bitter friends about love -they’ll only tell you I ain’t shit anyway” but the onus is on you to ask the right people. If you know you have bitter friends, don’t ask them about love. You should know better. I think that makes sense.

Here’s the thing: First of all, unless you asked your friend for advice no one should be giving it to you ANYWAY because that’s just drama waiting to happen but, if you DO ask for advice, are you saying you would only ask someone who’s currently in a relationship? Why?

Unless you have a friend that’s never been in a relationship to understand relationship woes, why would you not ask their opinion on something if you really needed to? As it was aforementioned, you wouldn’t ask a non-parent, parenting advice, so why would you ask a person that’s never been in a relationship for advice? BUT, know that JUST because they are single NOW it doesn’t mean they’ve always been single. They could VERY WELL have been in a relationship longer than the one you are in. They could VERY WELL have been in a relationship or two more than you have. Their advice is no less qualified than someone who’s currently involved. Furthermore, the person that’s in a relationship that you happen to ask could STILL be jealous of your relationship. Besides, what they’re going through in THEIR life could be the exact opposite of what you’re going through in yours, therefore they could STILL give you jaded and bad advice. Your relationship is YOURS. Their relationship is THEIRS.

Also, if you need to seek out the opinions of others with regards to your relationship, YOU could very well have a bigger issue. When you need opinions, depending on the topic at heart, you should very well be communicating openly and talking to your significant other, not spilling the beans and chatting your business to other people. All that being said, SOMETIMES you DO need advice from trusted friends and family and that’s fine but you shouldn’t be discriminating about who you ask JUST because they’re single. You could be missing out on life experiences that directly reflect the issue you may be curious about.

Don’t be so quick to judge and assume. You really end up looking stupid and immature when you say things that clearly haven’t been fully thought through. Some of my very best advice came from someone who had been where I currently was and by chance was now single but they VERY MUCH understood what I was going through and them offering me their perspective helped me to see things differently. People NOT in your same situation usually paint a very realistic picture while you remain blinded and jaded by love. You don’t HAVE to take their advice – you should definitely be making your own decisions – but others’ perspectives can often aid you in making a decision best for you.

People fail to realize that simply asking someone’s perspective on a topic is really not about their current relationship status but more on their life experiences and understanding of how relationships work. The only people you shouldnt be taking relationship advice from are people who have never HAD a relationship. DUH. What’s so hard to understand about this?

Having a significant other that is friends with ONLY single people (who fail to understand he or she has a commitment and can no longer do “single” things) is COMPLETELY different from sitting down and having a discussion about relationships and what someone’s thoughts are on a matter.

Know that difference.

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

14 February 2010 at 3:15 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


To all the single people, involved people, committed people (yes there is a difference between involved and committed – lol) and even the ppl whoring themselves out in the “name of love”. Have a great day! I’ll be waiting for 1/2 price chocolate day tomorrow. haha!

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New Audio: 80’s Baby – Don Von Jovi

12 January 2010 at 6:29 pm (Entertainment, Heavy Rotation, Music, Toronto Life) (, , , , , )


The long awaited single is here!!!! Don Von Jovi has released his first full length single, “80’s Baby” … if you’re an avid reader of my blog, you know the anticipation has been building. Relax. Breathe easy ūüėČ

Download & Listen Here

***

Email: DonVmusic@Gmail.com

DVJ On Twitter

DVJ On Myspace

Future Flavas (DVJ’s BLOG)

Email: DonVmusic@gmail.com

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Honesty, Loyalty, Good Looks … But Where’s Compatibility!?

30 July 2009 at 1:10 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they are single? You look at them and see a gorgeous human being and wonder how THEY cannot possibly have a partner. Then when you look at your own life, and some of the lives around you, you realize that being single has VERY little to do with physical appearance. Let’s not get it twisted; no one is saying that looks don’t play a part in getting a partner but do your looks sustain that partner? If they did you would see attractive people everywhere in long lasting relationships. Being in a relationship you have to rely on more than how great you may or may not look.

I think I’ve figured out the main reason as to why people are having such a hard time with relationships these days. Infedelity and lack of trust are common occurances, as well as the other obvious things, but I’ve discovered another issue. Something that doesn’t usually come up when someone asks for what people look for in their S/O’s: compatibility. I have reason to believe that compatibility is actually the means to a happy relationship. Sure, so is communication, honesty, loyalty blah blah blah but … think about it for a second.

In speaking of myself I have not been a stranger to true love. It hasnt evaded me at all in the times since I’ve started dating but compatibility has ….quite often too. I have yet to meet someone I’m truly compatible with. I haven’t been in sync with someone since I was 16-19 and in highschool, dating my HS sweetheart. Weird, huh? I find that so ironic because I’m at a point in my life NOW where I know myself SO well … yet can’t find that special someone to share my life with. Back when I was 16-19 I wasn’t even trying to really LEARN about me … I was too young and naieve to even really care =/ *yikes*. I’ve always said I don’t have a set type but maybe it’s time I actually garner one and stick to it.

People often say they want a partner that is loyal and honest and compassionate (oh and good looking – lol) but I think people need to start seeking out someone that is compatible to them. In speaking for myself, I know that if I did that more often I truly believe loyalty and honesty would fall into place on a more natural basis. You can’t force attraction and compatibility. It’s there or it isn’t. I also believe that if I was more compatible with someone I would save myself a lot of surprises farther down the road. This isn’t to say that rushing into a relationship without fully getting to know someone is a deal breaker because I know some happy couples that got together rather quickly and are still going strong. While rare, it is possible. On the flip side I know people that have been friends or lovers for years and have TOO many problems and issues. This further proves my theory of people being drawn to each other through compatibility. They just CLICK. This is NOT an easy quality to find in someone. For some it takes time to see … for others it happens almost immediately. Don’t confuse “clicking” with lust. Or even love. LOL. There is no such thing as love at first sight. I’m a romantic and I don’t believe in that.

Obviously, you aren’t going to find someone JUST like you and you will certainly have to compromise at one time or another but its better to have SOME compatibility rather than none at all. Right?

Think about it … why do match making corporations like E-Harmony preach so much about compatibility and swear that their couple success rate is based on such a thing? It works. Look around you at some of the couples you know. Especially the married ones. Are they happy? Ask them how much they have in common and see what they say?

Is a healthy and happy relationship based on more than just love? I believe it is. I have known for quite some time that love just simply is NOT enough … you need more. You need common goals, and interests. You need common morals and ethics. You should have common aspirations for your future! You should have a friendship. Not necessarily one for ages and years but one of depth and openess and respect.

I like relationships and actually prefer them to being single. I feel at ease knowing I have a commitment but I’m not going to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. In all my trials and tribulations with the relationships I’ve been in, I have grown and learned from each one. Foolishly, my last one, I knew a lot and felt a lot but believed little. And I went against my better judgement and against the grain. When you look closely at the mistakes you see where things went wrong and what it comes down to is that … you probably didn’t really know someone as well as you claimed to; or as well as you thought you did. For this reason alone, it failed.

So take the time to know that while it’s important to have seperate interests and seperate lives that you ALSO have commonalities and interests to sustain the test of time. You don’t want to be all up under your partner 24/7 but you also don’t want to be so detached from the relationship that you grow apart. Opposites may attract but I don’t think thats a general rule. I believe being compatible equates to longevity. God speed.

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Love: An Emotion Learned Or Felt?

11 March 2009 at 3:04 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , )


Could you learn to love someone? Up until recently, I’ve laughed at this notion.¬† You can’t learn to love someone, I’d say. You either feel it or you don’t. BUT, I’ve seen it happen recently, where feelings that we’re never there previously suddenly blossomed into a real and true love or so it seems. No, I’m not referring to me, so unfortunately my insight will be completely third party. I was a skeptic and I’m still wary of the idea I can LEARN¬† to love someone, but I no longer believe its impossible.

My girl says that you are definitely able to learn to love someone. She says she has done it. But she’s also currently single. Here is my thing: if I feel I have to train myself to learn to love a man¬†then I better make that work. I better make that last. It would be a waste of my time if it didn’t, no? Why? Because more than likely, when I come across someone¬†I FEEL love for, the guy that I had to LEARN to love will be left in the dust.¬†So,¬†I¬†believe it’s¬†possible to learn to love someone, but I don’t believe it’s the right thing to do.¬† In my opinion, people that LEARN to love someone, are settling and just need to have someone there. Otherwise, whats wrong with being single and waiting to fall in love with someone you actually have said feelings FOR? Why train yourself to love a person where there is just no romantic feelings or attraction between you?

Are you loving someone because of what they can do for you? Or what they have? What are the reasons you would forgo waiting for the love of your life to just learn to love a person you have no romantic feelings for? I don’t get it. Example: you know someone who has all their shit together and who is successful and determined and a good person. Maybe even a great friend, BUT, there is just no chemistry or love or romance, or attraction or ANYTHING for that matter. Moving on, you see they can do a lot for you or add a lot to your life or future so you decide to align yourself with them and force (yes,¬† I said force lol) yourself to start to having feelings. WHY!? Is that shallow? Smart? A great business deal? Selling out? Settling? What? What would you classify that as? I’m sure celebraties fake relationships all the time, but they get paid to act. Do you?

I’m sorry but I can’t fake nor force my feelings for people. I can tone them down, for example, if i can’t stand someone. I can be civil or courteous (based on the situation), but I will never love someone I don’t love. It doesn’t work that way and if there are people out there that can manipulate how they feel, you all need to write a book on how to do it. When it comes to love, I think everyone would love to know how to not feel hurt, joy, pain and lust regarding the objects of their affections. I know I would!

For me, when it comes to love, I have to feel in my heart, body, and mind that this is someone that stimulates me. If they don’t, there isn’t much¬†I can do to change that. I have a couple guys that want to be with me and for a couple reasons I just can’t get passed not having that connection. I tried, because I could be missing out, but I just COULDN’T. How do you get passed that? With one guy, it was something he did on a date MANY years ago, that I just cannot forgive him for. I can be civil and cordial but if it were up to me, I’d wipe that event out of my memory. There is nothing wrong with him physically, nor is he a “bum” or stupid but one event has caused me to be tainted in any thinking there will ever be anything between us. I refuse to fool myself. The other guy, more or less the same, nothing wrong with him, but I just don’t see or feel anything towards him. No curiosity at all. I just respect him as my friend and nothing more. Again, how do you get passed that?

There are way too many men and women in this world to feel you have to learn to love someone for what they can do for you!¬† I just don’t get why you’d want to forgo waiting for that special someone that gives you butterflies, makes you smile at the most random of times and whom you can’t wait to just hold, hug and kiss. That’s the best part of love. Why would you want to force yourself to feel those things? Is it even possible to teacher yourself to feel butterflies? Why don’t you just want to FEEL it? I wonder if these people actually don’t WANT to feel that love, and they want to be detached from it and THAT is essentially why they choose to learn to love rather than feel it. Maybe some people have been so hurt, they are scared to allow themselves to feel, so they go for someone they usually wouldn’t and then force feelings so they don’t get too attached. Who knows? I feel like I’m talking gibberish now, because I am speaking on an issue I don’t completely understand. I know its possible, I just don’t know why someone would choose to do that.

I¬† think it’s that a lot of people just aren’t comfortable with being single. Especially single for as long as it takes til those feelings DO happen naturally. I’ve always said, I would rather be single til I’m 40 and eventually find the love of my life than to find myself in loveless relationships just for the convenience of saying I have someone. But that’s just me.

If anyone reading this has any insight or just a comment, I would love to hear your opinions.

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The Futility of Threesomes – In Relationships

23 August 2008 at 11:25 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Threesomes, typically, are about representing a fantasy. It’s usually only a sexual experience that one or all three people want to partake in. Threesomes, for the most part, I’d think are wanted mostly by men that want to have their cake and eat it too.

And that’s fine. For single people.

When you’re single you can do whatever you want without repercussion or consequence. You don’t have any responsibility to anyone else and you definitely don’t have to answer to anyone.

But, when you are in a relationship, now? You can’t just up and do what you want. There are always repercussions and consequences.¬†A relationship is about two people and their commitment to each other so having a threesome in a relationship would prove¬†futile, no?¬†I don’t think you should be bringing in a third person for the fantasy or to spice up your sex life. Or to make the other half happy.¬†I can see some reasons why people could make themselves believe it to be a good idea but all the same, the ends, in this situation, just wouldn’t and couldn’t,¬†justify the means.

What good can become of your relationship if you bring another person into your bed, even if it was just once?  Whether its a new relationship, a long term relationship or a marriage, nothing good can come of this. Think about it. Even the strongest of people would have lingering doubts and questions and what ifs swirling around in their head. Was there too much attention placed on the third? Is the third calling my man or woman behind my back? Does my partner wish we could do it again? Is she (or he) now attracted to the third?  I mean, its a bad situation to be in after the fact.

You could be the most confident and secure person but seeing your supposed better half having sex before your very eyes is¬†liable to shake you. No doubt about that. Some people would argue that allowing your spouse the freedom of a threesome while in a relationship is a great deterrent to having them cheat outside of the relationship without the other person knowing.¬†I say, damn all that! Basically, what the partner would be agreeing to is cheating …¬†but right in their face. Allowing your partner that sort freedom would have you getting all that you deserve should the outcome be a bad one. Unless you want it to? Unless you want that experience as well? In which case, be careful what you wish / ask for. What you think may be a freaky and kinky experience may turn out to be the beginning of the end of your relationship.

I¬†used to think¬†I would do anything to make my man happy. I’d rather be the one to fulfill his fantasies than someone else, but where do you draw the line? Do you fulfill his fantasy by allowing another woman to put her hands on him? If he was just any old somebody or any old guy¬†I was dating, maybe¬†I could go through with it, but no. It’s not worth it. If you sit and think long enough … the outcome just isn’t going to be a good one no matter how you slice it.

I’ve personally seen and heard relationships break up over the threesome experience. Even if the third party didn’t involve thyself with either person afterwards, the self doubt between the two people in the relationship became insurmountable and just couldn’t be dealt with. No matter what rules you try to ensure before the act, everyone knows rules are meant to be broken. How do you even approach the topic? Who initiates the desire to introduce a threesome? How would you feel if you were the person being asked to partake?

If you feel a threesome in your relationship is beneficial, more power to you but remember that you should really think about the possible outcomes and if they are worth it. Always assume the worst in a situation and think if you want to be in it. If you realize you don’t, don’t do it then. It’s pretty simple. Or better yet, line up that threesome when you’re single and there aren’t any feelings or emotional attachments and if you ARE single, don’t involve a girl that you know likes you. It’s a fine line to walk so tread carefully.

It all comes down to respect. Respect of your partner and your relationship.¬†If you can get the concept of respect then chances are you won’t have to deal with the fallout of a threesome.

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