A Video EVERY Black Woman (and Black Men For That Matter) MUST SEE!

15 January 2011 at 1:12 pm (Family, Life, Love & Relationships, Raves) (, , , , , )

The exponential amount of truth in this video is outstanding. It’s a harsh reality StatuesqueOne portrays but SOMEONE needs to say it. SOMEONE needs to be the person to spell that shit out. Black women, we have ALL been guilty of this at one time or another. Black men, you need to watch this to understand us and feel where we’re coming from. Black women please watch this .. I guarantee you it will NOT be a wasted 10 minutes but an EYE-OPENING 10 minutes. We need to change how society looks at and regards us. No one else will so we have to.

“You must command respect in order to never have to DEMAND it. This is quiet power.”

All comments and discussion are welcome.

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Holding Onto The Past

26 December 2010 at 2:21 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )

How many of us hang onto something that isn’t good for us solely because we’re used to it? Because we’re comfortable there? Because knowing what to expect far outweighs our fear of the unknown? Because its familiar?

I’m guilty of all of the above. As a matter of fact, I did it for three years. I basically felt like, well, even though I’m not being treated or respected as I should be at least I KNOW what I’m going to get. Why not just stick it out and hope and pray it gets better? Why start over with someone else who I have no idea what he’s thinking or what his intentions are? What a waste of my time, I’d say.

WRONG. Pump the brakes. ERKS. Sound the buzzer. I couldn’t have been more backasswards if I tried. I took a lot of the last quarter if 2010 to do some deep thinking about life. Specifically mine of course but also in general.

I looked at why we hold onto people and things of the past that really have no bearing on who we are today or who we want to be tomorrow. It made me look at grudges, the blame game, baggage, holding onto the “all men are dogs” vs. “all women are sluts” mentality. I looked at why we make our partner of today pay for the partner of yesterday’s mistakes.

The one thing that I kept going back to as the #1 reason why we do this has nothing to do with THEM … it’s all to do with US. We just don’t know how to break away and take accountability for our own actions. People only allow treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.

The fact we’ve been with them so long, have shared deep dark conversations, secrets and life experiences all make for such a familiar comfort zone that we don’t want to just up and leave and start to re-create with someone else.

I’m well aware that we all will have that ONE person we always go back to and will always have that special place in our heart for and those are the very people I’m referring to. At what point do we have to just say enough is enough? Dancing the tango for years and years before we decide to finally let go can leave us with calloused feet and thick ankles, in conjunction with weaker hearts and shortness of breath.  I looked at it quite simply and said, I’d think that the person I love wouldn’t have me dancing for years. They wouldn’t enjoy seeing me riding rollercoasters for years making me eternally sick  to my stomach with apprehension and worry about which loop-d-loop and drop is going to come next. We’d argue ad disagree but healthily so. But more than anything, they’d protect me. They’d carry me off the dance floor and rather than ride roller coasters, they’d play the ring toss and win me a stuffed animal.

Here’s the problem: if we don’t put our foot down and sternly say, this isn’t what we signed up for, this isn’t how you’re going to treat me, WHY wouldn’t that person stop acting the way they do? Sure, they should be their own person and should treat someone how they want to be treated (Golden Rule #1 of JK) but there are things in this world you just CANNOT control – least of all someone elses actions. Most people are selfish and stuck in their ways and with the way the world is headed, looking out for self is the be all and end all of human nature. NO ONE is going to look out for you, anymore. Those days are gone! You can only control your own actions and if the person you love isn’t mature enough to see that what they are doing is hurting or disrespecting you, then YOU need to change how you allow them to treat you. If they still don’t change their actions, then you need to move on because that person just exhibited to you, unequivocally, that you’re not important enough to change for. Or at the very least compromise with.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. This person can STILL always be “THAT” person for you but you don’t have to put all your blood, sweat and tears into them. You can be free and still hold onto memories (the good ones) and one day when you meet someone else who exemplifies all the things “THAT” person was to you AND MORE, you’ll be able to look back fondly and say “Why the HELL didn’t I move on sooner?”

The longer you hold on to what could’ve been, the more you’re taking away precious time from what’s to come.

Remember that.

Life is just way too short to keep someone around that doesn’t feel for you the way you do for them. And hoping they’ll come around is doing nothing but turning YOU bitter and mistrustful. People are who they are. Accept them as such or leave them behind when they aren’t who you hope them to be.

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Women Lead, Men Follow

23 September 2010 at 10:19 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“When females start acting like women. Males will start acting like men.” Source

This was a tweet that was RT’d on my timeline last night and I was intrigued so I went to the person’s page and found out what he meant by it. (You’ll see more of the tweets repeated throughout this post in order to illustrate my viewpoint, btw.) He was going on and on about if women start being women, men will stop treating us like bitches and hoes. The way we act dictates how we’re treated. Made complete sense to me.  My first instinct wasn’t to defend my gender or to take offense. My first instinct was to tell him how right he is. That’s not to say ALL the responsibility is on us. Men have to be accountable for their actions and there are exceptions to every rule. I mean, many good men and women are hurt and treated like crap everyday by people that are just assholes by nature and cruel and cold-hearted.

” … OR THEY WOULDN’T GET NO PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!! niggas will do WHATEVER to get some pussy.”

He went on to say that men will do almost anything to get that pussy but that a man WILL wait for it if he wants it bad enough. We just need to make him invest time. I agree of course but there’s one fundamental problem. There will always be another female willing to gie up the goods if I don’t. So any hoops I make him jump through could be all for nothing. Also, once he gets what he’s been wanting, what’s to stop him from moving on to someone else? These are questions that have no clear answer but the more time you spend with someone you’ll see if their intentions with u are genuine or not. That only comes with experience in trial and error. You can’t learn from any mistake you haven’t made and no one is psychic. This is why DATING is so important.  People need to start DATING again. Get to KNOW someone before you jump into a relationship or bed with them. You’ll have to trust your gut and intuition though. The world is full of liars and deceivers.

He went on to say something that was very interesting. He said that back in high school it was “cool” to call a girl cute or fine but women eventually got tired of hearing the same thing and wanted to be called beautiful and etc., so men switched up their game once we were put onto it. Basically,  it’s the same game but with different plays being drawn for the team. And, women believe it. They really believe they’re being called beautiful. No, chick … he just did what he had to do to be “different”. Next thing you know, men will start admiring women for their “wit and smarts” once beautiful has run its course. The goal of the lie is the same but the lie is being told a different way. Women need to be able to tell the difference.

Many women nowadays are just like men. We have a man’s mentality. We’re all just about getting our nut, too. We’ve been played and hurt so much, we feel it makes sense to forgo having feelings for anyone so if we can’t beat ’em, we might as well join ’em.  It’s a horrible way to interact with the opposite sex and many women do it because they feel they have no choice not because that’s their first instinct. So this begs the question of how do we “get back”? Slowly, but surely. The other issue is that even if we saw a huge shift in women changing up would it be enough of us to create a stand? Meaning, will men REALLY take note and respond accordingly? There will always be hoes and prostitutes and strippers to give men what they need so if we, as everyday women, aren’t giving it up will he REALLY stick around and work for our affection knowing what he can get is just a phone call away?

BUT, my personal belief is that if women made a conscious decision to band together and demand respect and didn’t give it up so easy, men probably would change. We are the smarter gender and we do have extreme power between our legs. And with great power comes great responsibility.  We were created as a recipe for  disaster with a brain and pussy but we need to reel it in and start demanding respect. That brain and pussy is worthless if we’re not using one and only using the other as something to hold over a man.  We can’t really complain about things men do if we allow it to be done. This is where WE have to assume accountability, now.

“So if you act like a lady and stop lettin niggas hit in under a month and make them invest some time into you. They’re not gonna wanna leave.”

When u make a man work for it he’ll appreciate it more, this is true, but make the right choice in the first place. A guy that’s up to no good WILL wait around for you (while doing his bs on the side) and soon as you give it up he’ll leave. So, yes,  while it’s in part that we have to make him work for it, we also have to make the right choice of man in the first place> Who wants to waste their time dating a crap guy that’s only gonna stay for what he wants and be out ANYWAY?

“If females acted ‘hard to get’ like jobs are these days, when a man got one he would keep it cause it’s hard to find another one.”

In conclusion, I think I think it’s safe to say we all know we can’t change a person but we can shape them and their habits – help them to be better. That’s what we ALL should look for in a mate. And since we ALSO all know men take longer to mature than us, what’s wrong with helping that “change” along? LMAO. That last part was said in jest … don’t get your boxer briefs in a tizzy, guys.

Follow the inspiration behind this post: http://twitter.com/FromABoyToAMan

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[Artist To Watch]: “L”

18 July 2010 at 6:25 pm (Downloads, Heavy Rotation, Music, Toronto Life) (, , )

You guys know I always bring you the freshest new unsigned talent in the city. I met L in the oddest of places (holla Hong Shing’s) and didn’t know he was an artist at the time. We got to talking and he sent me some of his work. I was intrigued. L’s humble yet confident nature, passion, genuine hunger for his craft and determination leaves me knowing that, without a shadow of a doubt, he will do more than well in the game. I support good music. And in a city that’s over saturated with every random dude trying to rap I believe L isn’t one of those “random dudes” and that he indeed makes good music. Last Friday he dropped “Respect” (Click the song title to gain insight into the making of this joint) to much praise and …. respect ;). Check it out for yourself, though.
Listen & Love”.

Respect by 12thlettermusicL

Download Here

I’ve been writing and making music since the age of 14. I realized I wanted do this in like, ’97. I was watching the MTV Video Music Awards and I saw Puff and Mase come down from the ceiling and they did all the hits from that year. I was like, ‘Wow,’ that is what I want to do.

I’ve done my thing here and there. Was in a group, did some shows. Left that, took some time and thought. “If this is my one opportunity to do something in my life that means anything, I’m gonna make it count”.

I’ve always felt something telling me that I could do great things in music if had the opportunity! Well I’ve been waiting for that to arrive and its been past late, so at this point I’m making my own opportunity on my own terms!

Source: L’s Blog

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Not Everyone Is A Respectful Someone

21 March 2010 at 2:46 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Life, Love & Relationships, Random, Rants) (, , , , , , )

If you flirt with me and you aren’t single and I KNOW that, your girl would probably never have a problem with me. Why? Cuz I’d ignore you and dismiss you. Men: DO NOT FLIRT WITH ME WHEN YOU HAVE A WOMAN! This shouldn’t be rocket science but a lot of you people in relationships seem to think flirting is OK or acceptable. Unless the two of you have talked about it AT LENGTH and don’t think flirting with others is an issue in your relationship – don’t do it.

Even if you say to me: “my girl won’t care, she knows I love her” I still won’t flirt with you. I find that to be so disrespectful and while I don’t have to like or respect your girl, I do respect the fact a relationship is being had and I wouldn’t want that done to me. Period. Karma is a bitch. And I hate bitches.

Not everyone views relationships the way I do, though. They’ll say shit like “what so and so doesn’t know won’t hurt them” or “he/she does it, so why can’t I?” or “I don’t owe that person anything; she better worry about their man” …. and yes, the latter statement may very well be true but that doesn’t mean you stoop to such a low-level that you infiltrate someone’s relationship and truly believe there wont be any consequences. There are MANY single people out there to mess around with, why do you think its cool to mess with someone that already has someone? WHY do you think, as an involved party in a relationship, that it’s OK to step away from your partner and seek the attention or desire from someone else? Jokes are jokes but be aware that there is a fine line and if you cross it there’s no turning back.

Some of you people need to start making wiser choices within your relationships or just don’t BE IN ONE.  What you are lacking in your relationship your partner WILL find in someone else. Believe this. I’ve seen it happen. I don’t get wanting of the cake and eating it too mentality. You can have ur cake and eat it too with MANY different people (if you’re about that) without involving emotional feelings of others! If you WANT a relationship, want it  all or no dice – just be single.  And if after awhile you realize that a relationship isn’t for you, tell your partner and get out of it before you HURT someone! There’s no reason to drag someone else into your selfish ego-stroking agenda.

Relationships these days have me SO jaded! Can’t you tell? haha!

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A Smogasbord Of Topics On Sex, Love, Platonic Friendships and Relationships

17 May 2009 at 3:14 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , )

I will try to not spend a lot of time on each one because this could get to be a LONG post. I was speaking with a male friend of mine for the better part of the morning and early afternoon with regards to the aforementioned topics and I’ve re-thought a lot of my stances on certain things and was reaffirmed in others. I wanted to share parts of the conversation in this post as well as put y’all onto some insight that I received.

First Topic: Sex

Let’s not kid ourselves, folks. I know most of my readers are grown (or at least I hope so). Sex isn’t some taboo subject. I’m sure we can all agree no matter HOW we get down, it feels good. It’s desired, wanted and for some of us needed. It’s an important part of a relationship but it’s not THE most important. But if sex isn’t good between yourself and your parter are you really willing to go the distance with them? Teach them, people say, but not everyone can be taught to satisfy you the way you need to be satisfied. My problem with sex is that us women are emotional thinkers and feelers and very rarely will you come across a woman that can’t have sex without becoming attached. Not always right away but eventually feelings crop up and women are usually the ones left hurt and shocked as to how and why a man could sleep with her so many times and not develop feelings. It’s possible ladies. Men are VERY good at keeping the two seperate and while its not an excuse or a justification, men CAN cheat on you and still love you. It isn’t right to US but in their minds, sex really IS just sex. Anyway, before I stray too far from the matter at hand, I used to believe sex was OK between two consenting adults, even if they weren’t involved in a relationship. A part of me still feels that way and I would never judge anyone that does that – it would make me hypocritical. I personally just got tired of it and said, no more sex unless a relationship is happening. Why? It complicates matters WAY TOO MUCH. People always show their good side in the beginning but we ALL change within time and sex only hurries that up. Besides, with Maury in business and diseases rearing their ugly head at every corner you actually have MORE reasons to wait rather than rush with someone. I always say, porn can and should be your best friend. It won’t ever let you down 😉 Pun intended.

Next Topic: Love

I no longer believe true love exists. I’m sorry but that’s just how I feel. I have been through a lot on my OWN to come to this conclusion and I’ve seen my friends go through things. My thoughts on true love don’t include the love you have for your family or children. I am speaking exclusively about relationships between you and someone else (a partner if you will). A lot of people will say loving someone and being in love with someone are different and I am one of those people. I can love you the first day I meet you and not feel any kind of way about that emotion but it will take me a GOOD long time to fall IN love with you.  That, to me, is what true love is: to be completely madly in love. Loving someone is giving your heart to them and trusting them to not break it.  These days I don’t see myself falling in love with anyone. That takes too much trust in another person. I don’t trust people anymore. The reason is that I can only go by what you show me, I’m not psychic therefore I have to take you at your word and quite frankly it’s VERY easy to lie and SHOW people what you want them to see. I’ve done it when it needed to be done and while I’m not proud I know if I can do it then someone can do it to me. It may be a sad and pessimistic way to view people but it is what it is. We all draw these sorts of conclusions from personal experiences and my personal experience is that I’ve been lied to and deceived one too many times to have any kind of trust for anyone. Even if you bent over backwards to get me to trust you, chances are I would still be skeptical about something.  I hope in time this will go away but for right now, and I live in the NOW, I don’t see it changing. Love should never hurt or make you cry or make you doubt yourself. Sure, no one is perfect and we all have our disagreements and arguments but where in the “love book” does it say consistently doubting yourself and second guessing your relationship is what love is all about? Love can be the most beautiful experience and the most painful. I’m just glad that I experienced true love at least ONCE in my life, and that is probably the only thing keeping me from swearing it off altogether. As I said, I DO hope it changes in time but right now, I’m not so sure. I’m ok with that, too. I came to terms with it a long time ago. It isn’t sad to me. If anything it makes me smart and very aware.

Next Topic: Platonic Friendships

I used to think men and women could never be friends unless one party was ugly or gay. I still feel that way but I’ve tweaked my feelings a bit. As I mentioned in the opening bit, I was talking to a male friend of mine and he is indeed a male FRIEND. We haven’t hung out but once, and it was briefly at my home and then at an event, but nonetheless he is my friend. Over the 3 or so years that I’ve known him we have had some deep conversations and this one was no different. He is NOT ugly nor is he gay. He is actually quite attractive and I find him absolutely adorable. Physically there is nothing wrong with him at all. However, I don’t want him. I have my reasons. And, from what I know, he doesn’t want me either. I don’t wonder what it would be like to sleep with him though I imagine we are probably sexually compatible based on conversations we’ve had – lol. I feel comfortable with him and I believe if he were at my house late at night and we were alone I would not feel like he would make a move on me nor me on him. Even if alcohol was involved. Sometimes you just don’t see it happening with someone, he is that person for me. So, I have FINALLY found a guy I would love to kick it with on a regular basis because I’m not afraid of any “problems” happening but alas, he lives too far. Sucks. So my view on platonic relationships is that men and women CAN be friends, even if they are both good looking, however, it has to be previously determined that neither one wants the other and this must be STATED clearly. I think its rare, and in many cases quite unlikely but not impossible.

Next Topic: Relationships

It’s been a long time since I was in one. I was involved in a 3 year long distance relationship which I now realize wasn’t a relationship at all. I’ve finally written those three years of my life off. Sad but true. Three years at my age is a lot of time to waste. I feel like 50% of that time was wasted because I gave up a lot of better opportunities for love that probably won’t ever happen again and my negative feelings about marriage and trust and relationships are BECAUSE of those three years. BUT 50% of that time was a learning experience. Because of this person I now know what a liar and a deceiver looks like. I’ve gotten to know that type VERY well and I am so  aware of what the signs are for next time. I guess thats the most important thing to take from it. If you were dicked around, it’s important you LEARN from it and learn from it I did. Anyway, with all that said, I still want a relationship. Why? Because that’s who I am. I’m better in a committed relationship. I don’t do well dating and sleeping around. It’s not who I am and its never who I’ll be. BUT, I am good and better in a GOOD relationship (keyword: good, folks) and those are hard to find. Everyone seems to want to be sleeping around and are OK with that. No one seems to want a relationship anymore. People are writing off fidelity or getting in a relationship and then cheating on their partner. WTF? I don’t understand that – if you aren’t ready for a relationship then be single and sleep around. Why bring someone down because you want to have your cake and eat it too? Just be single and do that – if anything do it for yourself. You have less stress this way. Everyone seems to want to live the high life and live a life full of risks and high stakes. I don’t want to play that game. I have a lot to offer someone and when I love someone I love with all my heart, its just finding someone willing of my love that I find difficult. It’s finding someone that will give just as much, if not more than me, that I find difficult. Even with all that said, I’m willing to stay open minded because I am waiting to meet that gentleman that will change my feelings on true love. I’m waiting for someone to show me that I can fall in love and that I can trust them. If it takes me a good while to do that so be it. I’m in no rush. I’ve never been one to half ass anything so why change now?

In conclusion, my stance on these matters have frequently been tweaked and changed based on experiences I’ve had in my life but the one thing thats remained constant is my self love, self worth and declaration that I will not settle and allow someone to walk over me. Love clouds your judgement in people and while some may have, for a short time, caused me to second guess my declaration, it never lasted because no major life decisions or changes were EVER made. I always come to my senses if given enough time to sit and think about what’s really happening. I can live without sex, love and a relationship. Do I WANT to? No. But I CAN. And I WILL until I find something meaningful. If a lot more people took the time to do the same the world might not be so fucked up. Respect and love yourself and this will ultimately FORCE others to do the same.

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The Futility of Threesomes – In Relationships

23 August 2008 at 11:25 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Threesomes, typically, are about representing a fantasy. It’s usually only a sexual experience that one or all three people want to partake in. Threesomes, for the most part, I’d think are wanted mostly by men that want to have their cake and eat it too.

And that’s fine. For single people.

When you’re single you can do whatever you want without repercussion or consequence. You don’t have any responsibility to anyone else and you definitely don’t have to answer to anyone.

But, when you are in a relationship, now? You can’t just up and do what you want. There are always repercussions and consequences. A relationship is about two people and their commitment to each other so having a threesome in a relationship would prove futile, no? I don’t think you should be bringing in a third person for the fantasy or to spice up your sex life. Or to make the other half happy. I can see some reasons why people could make themselves believe it to be a good idea but all the same, the ends, in this situation, just wouldn’t and couldn’t, justify the means.

What good can become of your relationship if you bring another person into your bed, even if it was just once?  Whether its a new relationship, a long term relationship or a marriage, nothing good can come of this. Think about it. Even the strongest of people would have lingering doubts and questions and what ifs swirling around in their head. Was there too much attention placed on the third? Is the third calling my man or woman behind my back? Does my partner wish we could do it again? Is she (or he) now attracted to the third?  I mean, its a bad situation to be in after the fact.

You could be the most confident and secure person but seeing your supposed better half having sex before your very eyes is liable to shake you. No doubt about that. Some people would argue that allowing your spouse the freedom of a threesome while in a relationship is a great deterrent to having them cheat outside of the relationship without the other person knowing. I say, damn all that! Basically, what the partner would be agreeing to is cheating … but right in their face. Allowing your partner that sort freedom would have you getting all that you deserve should the outcome be a bad one. Unless you want it to? Unless you want that experience as well? In which case, be careful what you wish / ask for. What you think may be a freaky and kinky experience may turn out to be the beginning of the end of your relationship.

I used to think I would do anything to make my man happy. I’d rather be the one to fulfill his fantasies than someone else, but where do you draw the line? Do you fulfill his fantasy by allowing another woman to put her hands on him? If he was just any old somebody or any old guy I was dating, maybe I could go through with it, but no. It’s not worth it. If you sit and think long enough … the outcome just isn’t going to be a good one no matter how you slice it.

I’ve personally seen and heard relationships break up over the threesome experience. Even if the third party didn’t involve thyself with either person afterwards, the self doubt between the two people in the relationship became insurmountable and just couldn’t be dealt with. No matter what rules you try to ensure before the act, everyone knows rules are meant to be broken. How do you even approach the topic? Who initiates the desire to introduce a threesome? How would you feel if you were the person being asked to partake?

If you feel a threesome in your relationship is beneficial, more power to you but remember that you should really think about the possible outcomes and if they are worth it. Always assume the worst in a situation and think if you want to be in it. If you realize you don’t, don’t do it then. It’s pretty simple. Or better yet, line up that threesome when you’re single and there aren’t any feelings or emotional attachments and if you ARE single, don’t involve a girl that you know likes you. It’s a fine line to walk so tread carefully.

It all comes down to respect. Respect of your partner and your relationship. If you can get the concept of respect then chances are you won’t have to deal with the fallout of a threesome.

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The Blatant Disrespect Of …

22 July 2008 at 1:59 pm (Love & Relationships, Rants) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

… someones relationship. Let’s talk about this for a second.

I don’t know about y’all but when I know someone is in a relationship I am VERY careful about what I say and do to the male involved. Reason being? I’ve had females KNOW about my relationship with my man and blatantly disrespect it. Time and time and time again. It’s not a good feeling, and therefore, I would never do that to someone else. There are different degrees to which this can be done, sure, but in my opinion, any disrespect no matter how big or small is just that – disrespect. Do you believe in karma? Do you believe in the old adage, ‘what goes around comes around’? I do. And I’m not trying to receive my just desserts.

This has nothing to do with someone being insecure or jealous. Matter of fact, it has nothing to do with the person being disrespected at all. This is about someone who doesn’t give a damn about someone ELSE’S relationship and wants to go on acting like the person they are dealing with is unattached, single, free, UNTAKEN … well, you get my drift.

I hate those kinds of people. They USUALLY come in the form of females. Females are the WORST for this shit. I mean, I’m a go-getter. I go after what I want and I usually get it. But I don’t go after a taken man. Especially when I KNOW he’s taken and there is no room for doubt of the opposite. Some females need to practice what I call the “get a fucking clue, bitch” game. It’s a game where bitches end up getting beat down. It’s REALLY fun.

No, seriously though, I have encountered too many of my female friends that have had this happen to them.  It’s truly annoying and extremely rude. You don’t have to like me or my relationship but you WILL respect it. And if you CLAIM to be a friend of MY significant other, then the least you can do is respect HIM. I mean, have some couth and class. Please.

I hate the females that are sneaky about it. I am a VERY observant woman. I admit, I can be jealous at times, but that doesn’t mean I am stupid.  And it NEVER interferes with my judgement. Every female I’ve been suspicious of, I’ve been dead-on right about. Every. Single. One. You can’t always put your man onto this though, ladies. He will quickly tell you that you are wrong and delusional. Men don’t see the obvious as us women do. We are women, shit. We know the tricks of the trade. If I wanted a taken man, I know how to be sneaky to get him. I know the games to play. I know the things to say. Have I done it? I won’t lie. In my younger days I did once. And I’m SO not proud of it. But all the same, I know what I’m talking about when I see a snake. I recognize the traits. Call me a hypocrite if you want to but that was over 10 years ago. I really don’t care for the judgements on my character NOW. We all do stupid things. And I would actually EXPECT a female to pull that shit around that age. We’re kids, we do stupid things. We learn from them. But when you get to be my age, you don’t do that shit anymore. Grow up. Have respect for other people.  Or am I asking for too much?

I had a guy the other day tell me “…this isn’t a come on. I know you have a boyfriend ….” and I told him, “thank you for respecting my relationship, a lot of guys don’t these days. And that’s refreshing.” Now, that line could have been just that. I’m no dummy. But he’s done nothing to show me otherwise, so I took him at his genuine word and kept it moving. And on the flip side, I know too, that some men lead females on to believe there is a chance. Or they like to have girls around as “last resorts” or “back burners” should anything go awry with their current relationship. I get that, but that’s another post for another day. You gotta address that foul ish directly. Ha! But when a guy is not interested in a chick and she still pursues him? That’s what I’m talking about. Random females are one thing, but females friends of your s/o are another and harder to deal with. A random bitch you can cuss off and move on, but an established friendship with the opposite sex (especially, if she was “there before you”)? Ill intent is harder to prove in that situation.

I have a friend going through that right now. She’s in a relationship with her man. They’re solid. She told me last week of how HIS female friend is trash talking her to people and causing friction in her relationship. She has no reason to be arguing and bickering with her man … I mean, they’re happy and together and strong. This heffa is clearly jealous of that. Why can’t she leave them be? Why do bitches do that? Yes, shes a bitch and I will refer to her as such. I don’t understand the reasoning behind it. Unless she’s trying to get her claws in him, she shouldn’t be doing that. My girl loves her man, is good to him, and his friend should be happy he’s happy. IF she’s JUST a friend. If she wants to be more than that and come out of her position, well then, that explains all doesn’t it? My girl has every right to be pissed. I told her to not beat the girls’ ass and have her man handle it because HE is the one that’s friends with HER. But, I also said, should he talk to her and the heffa still doesn’t know her place, call me and we’ll proceed to bust ass. Well, ok, I didn’t involve myself in it, but I wanted to.

Violence isn’t the answer, people. But sometimes a bitch just needs to get beat down. Drill some sense in, because diplomatic words don’t work, you know?

At the end of the day, you just need to know your place. if he/she isn’t yours and doesn’t belong to you,  then look .. but don’t touch. You reap what you sew and if you can’t respect that a person is off limits then you deserve everything that you get if there’s a fall out. If that means you deserve a punch in the throat or future cock blocks in the form of karma, or you’re forever alone and depressed because you can’t find a good man/woman, then it looks good on you. You have no one to blame but yourself.

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Let’s Talk About Cheating

18 July 2008 at 8:39 pm (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The latest celebrity relationship bust up is the basis for this post. Alex Rodriguez and his wife, Cynthia have separated with Mrs. Rodriguez screaming “adultery”. But not in the physical sense, mind you. In the ……. i-don’t-even-know-what-you’d-call-it-sense. Emotional sense?

She’s stating Mr. Baseball had an affair. With Madonna. Not of a sexual nature. But an “affair of the heart”. Yes, that’s right. He cheated on her without “cheating” on her.

I don’t think she’s wrong for categorizing it as such, though. Now, if she’s falsely accusing him then that’s a different story altogether but if he is trying to get with Madonna and he’s a married man, then hell yes, he’s cheated. Point, blank, period.

People are telling me, “Oh but he didn’t put his ball in her glove” …. oh, bloody hell. FOHWTS. You don’t have to steal third base (or home plate?) to be a cheater, but here is the problem. EVERYONE’S definition of cheating is different. Some people don’t consider flirting cheating. Some people don’t think kissing is cheating. Some people don’t think having an ON-LINE AFFAIR is cheating. My definition is: “Anything you cannot do in the presence of your significant other is betrayal and cheating.”If you can’t flirt in front of your partner – you’re cheating. If you can’t kiss the opposite sex in front of your partner – you’re cheating. If you can’t/won’t/don’t let your partner see explicit convos, emails or notes that you’ve sent to a member of the opposite sex – you’re a cheater. Makes sense to me. I’d love to hear other people’s definitions, especially if they greatly differ.

Of course you then get into the whole notion of what’s flirting vs. what isn’t and I suppose that’s where communication in your relationship comes in. You need to speak up and discuss these things before you get your heart too involved in someone else. A lot of dramas and arguments can be avoided this way. It’s basically the easiest way to not having problems. Communication in a relationship is key. At least in my opinion.

Today I asked “him”, “if I was to sleep with another woman, would that be considered cheating?” For the record, I’m not gay (I’m with him) or bi-sexual (though, I find women and their bodies incredibly sexy) but I just wanted to see what his answer would be. He replied: “It’d be cheating no more than if i was to sleep with another man *barf*”.(lol) I got my answer loud and clear. I teased him and said: “Got it. So long as you aren’t there or involved, sleeping with a woman is cheating.”

Believe it or not, I’ve had some people disagree. They say a roll in the hay with a member of the same sex isn’t cheating. Can you believe that one!? Apparently, because there is no penile to vagile penetration, it’s not cheating. Word? If you give yourself physically, emotionally or spiritually (with the exception of God) to anyone but your spouse you are low down and dirty. A snake, even. Don’t kid yourself.

Being faithful is really hard for some people. I don’t understand the need to be unfaithful. Especially if you say you love who you’re with. I’d have more respect for someone if they told me they had lost interest and broke up with me before they cheated. I then have the CHANCE to try and make it right or better somehow. If I can’t salvage it, then sure, I’m hurt but at least I’m not played, you feel me?
This whole idea of “there is no pussy/dick like new pussy/dick” is nothing more than a sad and sorry excuse. If you are putting it down PROPER on your partner … then no amount of new dick or pussy is going to make them stray. This is why I say, ladies, don’t be a hoe in the streets but be your MAN’S hoe. Keep him satisfied. Release your inner freak. If he cheats, don’t let it be because you have a ‘lax pussy. Gentleman …. the same goes for you. (But exchange the word pussy for dick, of course. Ha!)

Cheating this day in age is just much too dangerous. There are too many diseases and infections blowing around in the wind. I’m quite paranoid about them and refuse to put myself in that position. Then of course is the problem of an unwanted pregnancy. You just have to be RESPONSIBLE. If you don’t want a relationship, don’t be in one. Simple, right? Yea, I think so, too. No one forces you to settle down. Just have respect – that is all. Respect for someone else … besides yourself.

I learned this in kindergarten: “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.”Some people need to go back to kindergarten to re-learn some things.

Man, all you need to do is TALK about what cheating is to you. Talk about what the different levels are, if applicable. Avoid the problems and say no to temptation. That hottie with the phat ass .. or that cutie with the solid pecs …… they could be burnin’. Know this. Don’t bring that crap home to the person you say you love.

Otherwise, I can be your first grade school teacher all over again.

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