Taking Relationship Advice From Your Single Friends

4 January 2011 at 8:57 pm (Love & Relationships, Rants) (, , , , , , , , )


Why is this an issue with some people? I see ALL the time, people saying “Never take advice from a single person. They won’t give you nothing but a jaded outlook and besides, they’re probably jealous of your relationship anyway.” or “Asking advice from single people is like asking parenting advice from someone that doesn’t have or want children.”

LMAO. What!? That’s the biggest amount of crap I’ve ever heard. People should stop putting themselves on a pedestal and flattering themselves. NO relationship is perfect, therefore NO ONE needs to be jealous of you and your partner, number one. Number two, parenting is WAY different from being taken vs. being single. You could have HAD a relationship and gained a great amount of knowledge from it but are now single but being a parent is something you absolutely HAVE to have had experienced before you can give out advice. The two are NOT  the same and not comparable at all.

I know the problem stems mostly from women asking other women and men saying “Stop asking your bitter friends about love -they’ll only tell you I ain’t shit anyway” but the onus is on you to ask the right people. If you know you have bitter friends, don’t ask them about love. You should know better. I think that makes sense.

Here’s the thing: First of all, unless you asked your friend for advice no one should be giving it to you ANYWAY because that’s just drama waiting to happen but, if you DO ask for advice, are you saying you would only ask someone who’s currently in a relationship? Why?

Unless you have a friend that’s never been in a relationship to understand relationship woes, why would you not ask their opinion on something if you really needed to? As it was aforementioned, you wouldn’t ask a non-parent, parenting advice, so why would you ask a person that’s never been in a relationship for advice? BUT, know that JUST because they are single NOW it doesn’t mean they’ve always been single. They could VERY WELL have been in a relationship longer than the one you are in. They could VERY WELL have been in a relationship or two more than you have. Their advice is no less qualified than someone who’s currently involved. Furthermore, the person that’s in a relationship that you happen to ask could STILL be jealous of your relationship. Besides, what they’re going through in THEIR life could be the exact opposite of what you’re going through in yours, therefore they could STILL give you jaded and bad advice. Your relationship is YOURS. Their relationship is THEIRS.

Also, if you need to seek out the opinions of others with regards to your relationship, YOU could very well have a bigger issue. When you need opinions, depending on the topic at heart, you should very well be communicating openly and talking to your significant other, not spilling the beans and chatting your business to other people. All that being said, SOMETIMES you DO need advice from trusted friends and family and that’s fine but you shouldn’t be discriminating about who you ask JUST because they’re single. You could be missing out on life experiences that directly reflect the issue you may be curious about.

Don’t be so quick to judge and assume. You really end up looking stupid and immature when you say things that clearly haven’t been fully thought through. Some of my very best advice came from someone who had been where I currently was and by chance was now single but they VERY MUCH understood what I was going through and them offering me their perspective helped me to see things differently. People NOT in your same situation usually paint a very realistic picture while you remain blinded and jaded by love. You don’t HAVE to take their advice – you should definitely be making your own decisions – but others’ perspectives can often aid you in making a decision best for you.

People fail to realize that simply asking someone’s perspective on a topic is really not about their current relationship status but more on their life experiences and understanding of how relationships work. The only people you shouldnt be taking relationship advice from are people who have never HAD a relationship. DUH. What’s so hard to understand about this?

Having a significant other that is friends with ONLY single people (who fail to understand he or she has a commitment and can no longer do “single” things) is COMPLETELY different from sitting down and having a discussion about relationships and what someone’s thoughts are on a matter.

Know that difference.

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The Dreaded Friendzone

26 December 2010 at 6:48 pm (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


Wikipedia describes the friendzone as: “The friend zone, or friendship zone, is a popular psychology concept found in many pseudo-psychology texts providing dating advice to a male audience. The term friend zone refers to the situation where the female has begun to view a male as a friend only and not as a romantic partner, a psychological classification supposedly exceptionally difficult to undo.”

Hmmm.

Do men have friendzones, too or is this solely a female thing? Is there a way to escape it? Do people use it as a means to avoid commitment? What exactly can you do to avoid it? Let’s discuss, shall we!

Women have no problem getting sex. Men want sex at anytime, with (almost) anyone, anywhere. Women, while we may love sex just as much as men (and sometimes more), don’t always want sex at anytime, with (almost anyone), anywhere. We get to choose when we want it and men HAVE no choice but to follow. Because of this, we are more likely to make a guy our friend rather than our man or lover.

Further to my last post about men and women being friends, the friendzone is a very tricky topic. I’ll try to say what I need to without sounding contradictory BUT in any event, I have a friendzone and it’s not full. Why? Because I don’t believe men and women can be friends – lol! If I DO use it, I use it as its supposed to be used and I don’t put a man there unless there is definitely a reason for him to be there. MY criteria is simple. If there is NO WAY in Hell that I’m attracted to you in ANY way (physically, spiritually, emotionally) then you’ll be easily put in the friendzone. Since I tend to have varying types of men I’m attracted to it’s not likely you’ll be in there based on that criteria BUT it’s been known to happen. I don’t have a lot of ugly men as “friends” or that try to talk to me so if we date and just don’t click that’s one thing but to have NO connection on any level just doesn’t make sense for me to put you in the friendzone. If I can’t connect with you in a way other than physical attractiveness what is the point of you being in my life at all? I’ve been, MANY TIMES OVER, attracted to a male friend of mine. I usually first meet a guy and we talk as friends and there’s always an attraction. Once we’ve “gone there” (whether dating or physical intimacy) its hard to maintain a friendship thus again, there’s no point in you being in the friendzone or in my life, period. My other criteria is, if you’ve been a friend to me or are an ex that I’ve maintained contact with but disrespected me somehow and we stopped talking for a period of time but I eventually got over it and forgave you, we can be friends again. Only, this time around I’ll wish to keep you at arm’s length and decide to never, ever, date or engage with you physically again. The guys in my friendzone are USUALLY from this group. Lastly, if a man is in the friendzone not due to the other two reasons it’s because of the fact that he knowingly (or unknowingly) put HIMSELF there. I cannot share how that happens because it’s a secret and if I share that knowledge a lot of guys that I know and talk to casually will now be “hip” as to why they get no play from me. Hahaha!

I don’t think men can have a friendzone. Well … hmm. They CAN but maybe not the way it’s meant to be. You ever hear a guy say something like “Oh, well I just see her as my sister” ? or “She’s just a homegirl. Nothing will EVER happen between us” ? Well, that’s hodge podge to me. A guy will usually dip into his “friendzone” now and then if getting women becomes a chore or he’s hit a dry spell. Therefore, it’s not really a friendzone he has but a Plan B Group. Back up, if you will. A back up for those lonely, cold nights that he’s tired of having.

When it comes to putting a man in the friendzone, he should be there for a specific reason and no matter what a man does or says, he cannot escape it. WOMEN control their pussy and who they give it to. A man can beg, plead, wine & dine and promise a woman the world but if she wants nothing to do with him and her mind is definitely made up about this, he will NOT escape it. It’s better if he just gives up and leaves well enough alone then to fight it and try to get out. He can leave of his own volition but that means severing ties with the woman  that placed him there. Most men are very aware of the position  they’re in. They KNOW they’re in the friendzone and either they’re OK with being there or they just want a challenge  to see if they can get whats forbidden. Just in case you DON’T know you’re in the friendzone, I’ll let you know. If you are thought of as her brother – you’re in the friendzone. If you do a lot of things for her out of kindness but you are never rewarded with her telling you her feelings, giving you any sex or she treats you like a doormat – you’re in the friendzone.  If she talks to you about her “man” problems and constantly refers to you as such a nice guy but she’s not trying to make you HER nice guy exclusively – you’re in the friendzone. If you ask her out and she says she “doesn’t want to damage the friendship” – you’re in the friendzone.

There are women though that don’t stand behind the things they say and mean and for those men lucky enough to be placed in THAT farce of a friendzone you DO have ways to escape it. But you need to know what kind of female does this and what she’s about to make this deduction and since most men don’t “get” women, they’ll never see it. However, if you come across a chick like this, PLEASE know you’re dealing with an amateur here – I guarantee you. She’s probably needy and thinks she has power over men but really wants someone to love her and her game isn’t as strong as she’d like you to believe. For those men that think they’re in THAT kind of friendzone, here are some tips you can use to “escape” it. These tips are also good for men that want to avoid being put into the friendzone in the first place:

  1. Never express your feelings directly
  2. Flip the table and YOU be the first to tell HER you just want to be friends
  3. Don’t make yourself available to her every beck and call
  4. Date other women – she’ll see what she’s missing
  5. Ask HER opinion about the women you’re meeting
  6. Be consistent in your treatment of her – treat her like the girlfriend you want her to be (WITHOUT being her bitch and a doormat)
  7. Don’t be so predictable. Make her expect the unexpected
  8. Understand there’s a difference between wanting her and needing her and act accordingly
  9. If you have a fuck buddy or a fling don’t let THAT come between the two of you
  10. Prove that you can understand there’s a difference between sex and love and be able to show that you are capable of having sex with a connection

Unless you are seriously trying to be out of the friendzone and you want a relationship with her, DON’T try these tips because it’s not fair to play games and take advantage of her knowing she doesn’t want you in that way. If it’s just sex from her that you want, you have a better shot just being honest and saying it. If she just wants sex too, then you’re good to go but if she doesn’t, there’s PLENTY other women out there to choose from. The point of you using these tips to get what you want, sexually, and you not wanting a relationship from her is probably why your low-life ass is in her friendzone to begin with!

I feel bad for good men that get stuck in the friendzone and this is why I put those tips up there. SOME men don’t deserve to be there and SOME women are just BAD at judging character and not knowing what they want. A woman is only human and she makes mistakes. If she’s not seeing in you what you know you can give her then SHOW her. But again, if you don’t want to be out for the RIGHT reasons then STAY  there or move on. We’re talking man vs. boy actions now.

On twitter, a guy and I were talking about this and he said he doesn’t trust the men in a woman’s friendzone and that he’d trust the girl but not the guys. In reply, I told him its futile to worry about these men, because if a woman doesn’t want the guy he’ll never have her so he can try to run all kinds of interference but NOTHING will work. I mean that. I stand by that BUT I can see his point because I don’t trust women in the friendzone either. For possibly a different reason but its the same outcome. I just know that girls with an amazing friendship with MY man already have an advantage over me and already share a great amount of history with him and one would be crazy to NOT be wary of that. Those kind of situations make for a very scary “what if” when they are alone and that “moment” happens for them. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Some women use the friendzone as a means to avoid commitment. They throw guys in there left and right because they’ve been so badly hurt by men that they can’t build successful relationship with the opposite sex. They’re worried about letting a man in only to be let down and disappointed so they enjoy having that male figure around and all the perks without getting close and having the drama and problems introducing sex into the mix can bring.

A lot of women simply just want to fall in love with their male friend. Those friendships are the best ones to turn into romantic relationships because they are based on much more than just a quick fling or emotionless sex but because men and women are wired differently this gets lost in translation. Communication and timing are so important. Sometimes you just can’t help how you feel about someone (whether you return their feelings or not) but when you have someone who is a good friend to you and you know them well, you should explore what they could add to your life. You really have nothing to lose and depending on where you’re at in life, what’s so wrong about trying it out? Men look for a mate in all the wrong places and tend to overlook the girl they view as “just a friend” and end up in crap, door-revolving relationships. Women do this, too BUT I truly believe women, when looking for a life partner, would sooner date their friend over just any ol’ guy they meet. Men, I don’t believe would do this. Of course, this isn’t ALWAYS the case, but it’s definitely something I know my friends and I deal with on a regular basis, so there has to be SOME truth to it.

At the end of the day, the friendzone is a place you don’t WANT to be if you truly care about the person that put you there. If there’s even an INKLING of hope of getting out, then you need to self reflect and give yourself the honest truth as to why you’re there in the first place. As a warning to all men out there, you don’t ever have to be put in the friendzone if you do right by women. If you are honest and forthcoming and you SPEAK about things you can do yourself a great service. If anything, avoid it at all costs before you’re even placed there – that is the best way to “escape” it.

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That Black & White Issue. Yea, THAT One.

28 September 2010 at 7:08 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


First of all let me just say I KNOW there are more than just two races in this world. I don’t need to justify WHY I chose to talk about blacks & whites today rather than Asians and Hispanics. I’m just doing it. A random thought crossed my mind earlier after something I saw on Twitter. I’ll explain it so you can understand where I’m coming from and I hope some good discussion will come of this.

So, I saw this girl on my follower list (she’s white) tell one of my OTHER followers (he’s black) that he was “so cute”. Perfectly harmless, no big deal. His response was “likewise” and that was it. She’s now following him. He’s now following her. Maybe your minds work differently, but I started thinking about how she can just come out of nowhere and tell a guy he’s cute without thinking whether or not he’ll respond to her in a positive way (and yes, I’m talking about being attracted to each other based on race and race alone). The fact that she didn’t have to assess the situation or think about whether or not he even LIKED white women made me wonder and then later realize, there is a comfort level white women have that black women don’t when it comes to dating outside of our race.

As a black woman who has dated a couple of white men before, I have to say I didn’t always feel like I was a GIRLFRIEND or a significant other when I was with them. I always felt like it was a big deal if I asked to meet his parents, or when we were out I felt like he was constantly wondering about the stares we were getting. And we DID get them, but they definitely bothered him more than me.  I would voice my concerns and they’d always be written off as insecurities or I was “thinking about it too much”. I often wondered if it WAS just me. Maybe I WAS insecure. Maybe I wasn’t good enough and it had nothing to do with my skin colour, but then I realized, no …. I never had to deal with this OR feel like this with my black boyfriends. And I never go against my gut. My gut and intuition told me something wasn’t right. Besides, after I’d voice my concerns and the guys would SAY and ACT LIKE they got it, nothing changed. I never did meet his parents and he wouldn’t always hold my hand in public. So, who was right? He or I?

I’ve come to the conclusion that white men love to “try us out” because we’re looked at as freaky or whores (and don’t even get me started on the historical massa vs.  slave issue) but won’t date us seriously, bring us home to meet the parents, procreate with us or marry us. I often feel like if a white guy is interested in me it’s because I’d be his first black girl experience.  Or that I’d be his “chocolate fantasy” and I just can’t get with that. I don’t want to be “exoticized” or thought of as some wild bedroom goddess that will do everything his previous white partners won’t/didn’t do. Is this stereotyping? Maybe. Is it generalizing? Possibly. Is what I’m saying so far from the truth? Absolutely not.

The problem is this: people who date EXCLUSIVELY outside of their race don’t seem to understand the pitfalls of doing so. You lose touch with reality and start to only see ONE side of things. I actually had someone on Twitter, who’s white, tell me that the reason white men don’t date black women is because they could be intimidated. I was like … WHAT? So ALL black women are intimidating? And we’re only this way to WHITE MEN? Huh? I asked her what they could be intimidated OF and she said, right or wrong, the media portrays black women as “abrupt and loud, etc” and this could be intimidating to them. I was low-key annoyed at that statement but welcomed discussion on the matter. I immediately disagreed and replied: Well if the media is forming the white man’s opinions of black women then why aren’t white women afraid of the big bad, criminal, drug dealing, gangsta-rapping, baby daddy? Let’s be real here! The black man is the most ostracized, criticized and oppressed species on this PLANET.  If that theory of hers held true then why aren’t white women intimidated by black men? I’ll wait for a rebuttal ………………..*crickets*………………….. Exactly.

MY own experiences on the matter, is that white men have yet to wrap their head around society accepting them dating a black woman. It’s common for a black man to be famous and rich and have a white woman on his arm and MOST people, while maybe silently brooding, are OK with that. But let the tables be turned and you see a famous black woman with a white man on her arm. She’s labelled a sell out or the man must be a sugar daddy or something stupid like that.

When I see a good-looking guy (and for argument’s sake, lets say he’s black) my first instinct is to flirt with him and get his attention, let him know I’m interested and I don’t think twice about it. However, if I see a good-looking white guy my first instinct is to look for signs that he SOMEHOW will like me, and by me I mean ME AS A BLACK WOMAN, and if I see it, I go for it. Usually, though, I see NOTHING so that guy “gets away”.  Stereotypically, the only way I can “assume” a white guy will like me is if he appears “urban” …. or lets just come out and say “if he’s a wigger”. And yes, I know the consequences of assuming but it is what it is.

If I’m going to date a white man I want to date one that’s not trying to get my attention by adopting my culture and perpetuating all the negative stereotypes that glorify “being black”. If I’m going to date a white man I want a man who is just as proud of his race as I am of mine but, like me, doesn’t see colour when he falls in love with me. He sees ME. I see HIM. But this day in age, that’s just doing too much.

White women, in my opinion, just don’t have this issue at ALL. Y’all should feel lucky you can date white and black men and be able to do it freely (in the easiest sense of the word) without worrying about HOW you got him or HOW you had to analyze things first. It’s so much more common and accepted to see a black guy with a white woman so therefore white women are QUITE confident in their ability to holla at a black man and not have to worry about being rejected solely on the colour of their skin. For ME, I can take rejection. It’s not a problem. People are attracted to whomever they’re attracted to but to know that I liked you regardless of your race, yet my race is why you’re rejecting me, would BURN deep. So, I usually just don’t bother. If I end up dating a white guy it’s because HE approached ME. And if I waited for a white guy that I was feeling to approach me, I’ll die alone and bitter and angry and all kinds of negative emotions.

I don’t know many white guys that outright proclaim they love black women and have actually DATED them seriously (in actuality, I know 2) but I know a HUGE amount of black guys that will go on and on for DAYS about how much they love white girls. And you know what? Everything I said about liking someone for the stereotypes about their race could apply to THAT dynamic as well BUT I’m a BLACK WOMAN. I would never propose to speak on an issue I don’t know. I can tell you my thoughts on the matter (and that would only require a sentence or two) but I’m not a black man or a white woman. So I speak on what I know, go through and experience.

It’s very interesting to me.

I hope this post didn’t come off as bitter or too harsh. I definitely do not want to offend anyone. This really started off as a mere thought that has now turned into this blog. I’d love to hear any and all feedback – good or bad and have some great discussion. Please comment if you feel so compelled.

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Women Lead, Men Follow

23 September 2010 at 10:19 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


“When females start acting like women. Males will start acting like men.” Source

This was a tweet that was RT’d on my timeline last night and I was intrigued so I went to the person’s page and found out what he meant by it. (You’ll see more of the tweets repeated throughout this post in order to illustrate my viewpoint, btw.) He was going on and on about if women start being women, men will stop treating us like bitches and hoes. The way we act dictates how we’re treated. Made complete sense to me.  My first instinct wasn’t to defend my gender or to take offense. My first instinct was to tell him how right he is. That’s not to say ALL the responsibility is on us. Men have to be accountable for their actions and there are exceptions to every rule. I mean, many good men and women are hurt and treated like crap everyday by people that are just assholes by nature and cruel and cold-hearted.

” … OR THEY WOULDN’T GET NO PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!! niggas will do WHATEVER to get some pussy.”

He went on to say that men will do almost anything to get that pussy but that a man WILL wait for it if he wants it bad enough. We just need to make him invest time. I agree of course but there’s one fundamental problem. There will always be another female willing to gie up the goods if I don’t. So any hoops I make him jump through could be all for nothing. Also, once he gets what he’s been wanting, what’s to stop him from moving on to someone else? These are questions that have no clear answer but the more time you spend with someone you’ll see if their intentions with u are genuine or not. That only comes with experience in trial and error. You can’t learn from any mistake you haven’t made and no one is psychic. This is why DATING is so important.  People need to start DATING again. Get to KNOW someone before you jump into a relationship or bed with them. You’ll have to trust your gut and intuition though. The world is full of liars and deceivers.

He went on to say something that was very interesting. He said that back in high school it was “cool” to call a girl cute or fine but women eventually got tired of hearing the same thing and wanted to be called beautiful and etc., so men switched up their game once we were put onto it. Basically,  it’s the same game but with different plays being drawn for the team. And, women believe it. They really believe they’re being called beautiful. No, chick … he just did what he had to do to be “different”. Next thing you know, men will start admiring women for their “wit and smarts” once beautiful has run its course. The goal of the lie is the same but the lie is being told a different way. Women need to be able to tell the difference.

Many women nowadays are just like men. We have a man’s mentality. We’re all just about getting our nut, too. We’ve been played and hurt so much, we feel it makes sense to forgo having feelings for anyone so if we can’t beat ’em, we might as well join ’em.  It’s a horrible way to interact with the opposite sex and many women do it because they feel they have no choice not because that’s their first instinct. So this begs the question of how do we “get back”? Slowly, but surely. The other issue is that even if we saw a huge shift in women changing up would it be enough of us to create a stand? Meaning, will men REALLY take note and respond accordingly? There will always be hoes and prostitutes and strippers to give men what they need so if we, as everyday women, aren’t giving it up will he REALLY stick around and work for our affection knowing what he can get is just a phone call away?

BUT, my personal belief is that if women made a conscious decision to band together and demand respect and didn’t give it up so easy, men probably would change. We are the smarter gender and we do have extreme power between our legs. And with great power comes great responsibility.  We were created as a recipe for  disaster with a brain and pussy but we need to reel it in and start demanding respect. That brain and pussy is worthless if we’re not using one and only using the other as something to hold over a man.  We can’t really complain about things men do if we allow it to be done. This is where WE have to assume accountability, now.

“So if you act like a lady and stop lettin niggas hit in under a month and make them invest some time into you. They’re not gonna wanna leave.”

When u make a man work for it he’ll appreciate it more, this is true, but make the right choice in the first place. A guy that’s up to no good WILL wait around for you (while doing his bs on the side) and soon as you give it up he’ll leave. So, yes,  while it’s in part that we have to make him work for it, we also have to make the right choice of man in the first place> Who wants to waste their time dating a crap guy that’s only gonna stay for what he wants and be out ANYWAY?

“If females acted ‘hard to get’ like jobs are these days, when a man got one he would keep it cause it’s hard to find another one.”

In conclusion, I think I think it’s safe to say we all know we can’t change a person but we can shape them and their habits – help them to be better. That’s what we ALL should look for in a mate. And since we ALSO all know men take longer to mature than us, what’s wrong with helping that “change” along? LMAO. That last part was said in jest … don’t get your boxer briefs in a tizzy, guys.

Follow the inspiration behind this post: http://twitter.com/FromABoyToAMan

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Social Media Doesn’t Ruin Relationships, People Do.

22 September 2010 at 2:52 pm (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , , , , )


Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware of the troubles Facebook, Twitter and the internet as a whole can bring to a relationship, but let’s be clear here …. if your relationship isn’t solid,  social media outlets are only going to be fuel to an already raging fire.

I’ve had social media affect my relationships. How can they not? What your partner does online before your very eyes can be considered damning and disrespectful but at the end of the day, if you don’t trust them to do things like this ONLINE in front of your face, what do you think they do offline AWAY from you?

The bigger issue here is trust on a grander scale, not just trusting what your partner does on a website. If you can’t rely on your partner to do “the right thing” by you, by themselves and by your relationship, then Facebook, Twitter and the like are only a portion of your problem.

You can’t expect your partner to not flirt online if you do it yourself. You can’t expect to say “it’s just Facebook” if your partner is bothered by actions you’ve taken that hurt them.  You can’t write off what they say as insecurities or hogwash. Unless you deem them certifiably crazy, you’ve got to listen to their concerns and take them seriously. Then again, if you think they’re just insecure and crazy and making something out of nothing on a regular basis, why are you with them?

The inspiration behind this blog came from a guy I follow on Twitter, He said that if his girlfriend ever had Twitter, he wouldn’t follow her and maybe even block her because “twitter ruins relationships” to which I replied:  “So you would also have to make your page private so she couldn’t see what and who you tweet, right?”.  If I was his girlfriend, I’d think he had something to hide from me. He very well may not and may only be trying to preserve the relationship but I don’t much see the logic in preserving something that involves me all the while shutting me out JUST because you THINK what I see will cause me to act or feel a way. Why the secrecy? It’s an issue I’ve had to deal with personally and I’ve never been able to understand it or have someone explain it to me with validity.

There’s a difference between not being able to control what other people say, and doing things to others yourself. For example, if I was dating a guy and he had women fawning over him and complimenting him left and right I can’t fault HIM for it. Hell, if he’s sexy I can see why they would – but I would hold him accountable for how he responds to these women. If he says thank you and keeps it moving, good. If he engages in flirtatious banter, bad. If it’s the same girl over and over making suggestive comments then I’d hold them BOTH accountable. Her, for constantly chasing a man that’s taken and him for not making it clear he has a woman and isn’t interested. If that latter action is taken by him and she continues her pursuit, then she should be deleted because at that point she’s being blatantly disrespectful to me and my relationship and causing unnecessary trouble. This would seem easy, right? This would seem like the right thing to do but I’ve come across these situations, both personally and via other people’s’ stories to where the third-party was NOT deleted thus causing distrust and resentment.

Facebook, Twitter and such are only the means in which these people commit their  fuckery but its the PEOPLE in the situation ruining the relationship.

In a case like the one I mentioned all parties involved have a duty to handle the situation like mature adults and the two in the relationship will either make it a successful resolution or an unsuccessful one.

I don’t think its an insecurity or a “problem” for one party to voice their concerns about what is seen, said or done on a social networking site. I don’t think this makes anyone jealous. If it’s happening often you have to evaluate if they are doing it because you won’t make any changes or compromises or if they’re truly just trying to be controlling and demanding over you and the people you know. It’s a fine line, I understand but if their claims and examples are valid, where is the issue? There’s a level of comfort, patience and tolerance one can have when they feel threatened by someone infiltrating their relationship. A person will only take so much of someone interfering before they need to state their piece.  If you can’t understand or respect where they are coming from, the easiest thing to do is put yourself in their shoes.  Does it still seem so far-fetched then? I can bet you it doesn’t.

If you’re the type to chalk it up to the situation being “just online” then you have a deluded sense of reality. THESE days, even though a person can’t BLAME social media for the breakdown of a relationship, one CAN deduce that it can further crack an already broken foundation. What can “just be online” can quickly turn into something offline. Especially in my city. Everyone knows everyone and your paths WILL cross eventually.

Because of my personal experiences with this issue I’ve vowed to keep my relationship OFF the internet, at least until I’ve built a solid foundation with my partner. This doesn’t mean I’m going to allow certain things to slide should they happen but it just means my tolerance levels will be higher. I won’t have to worry about a third-party causing trouble if what he and I have is on point.

If you have trust issues with someone, they could shut down every account they have with a social networking site and it still won’t make you happy. If you don’t trust someone, you don’t trust someone. Period. Deleting accounts and certain troublemakers off those accounts may be a quick fix and a band-aid to an open wound but it’s not the resolution that will stand the test of time. Get your trust issues worked out and don’t blame a website for all your problems.

Take my word for it. I learned this the hard way.  And keep what’s closest to you and most private to YOURSELF. Allow people to know what you WANT them to know. What they NEED to know is subjective. The more you put yourself and your relationship out there for consumption, the more nosy people will be. There ARE assholes out there that like to cause trouble for no reason other than to do so. The last thing you’d want is to come across someone like that. If your relationship means that much to you, protect it at all costs …. by any means necessary – lol 😉

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Assume Accountability For Your Failed Relationships

21 September 2010 at 10:05 am (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , )


Its been so long since I’ve blogged. I want to start off by apologizing to my readers. My readership has dropped DRASTICALLY in the past couple of months, of no fault but my own. Life happens and the summer caused me to be a lot busier than usual but I promise with the cooler weather approaching I’ll become a hermit again and fresh material and posts will be up and running soon 🙂

All that being said, I wanted to speak on a topic that I’ve touched on before but never devoted an entire post to. There’s this dynamic with men and women where people are quick to talk about how waste people are. All men are dogs, don’t know how to treat a man, they’re worthless; all women are hoes, materialistic, gold diggers or too independent, blah blah. It’s annoying.

I don’t know how it is in other cities but in Toronto, there is a HUGE lack of coupling in the city. Most people are forgoing relationships to be single and just date with no intention of “catching feelings” or committing. It’s sad to me. I’m not sure if there is a fundamental reason for this or if times are just changing and fidelity is a thing of the past. Call me old fashioned or a hopeless romantic (I am!) but  what’s better than being in love and having someone to rely on and care for and about? What’s better than companionship and being with ONE person that can and will satisfy your every needs? I’ve been on both ends of that spectrum and while being single is fun and exciting it’s really un-fulfilling. I know a lot of people enjoy being single but after a while that shit gets old. After awhile, everyone wants to be with someone. So why are people staying single longer and shunning commitment?

My age group (25+) may have JUST missed this way of thinking but people 25 and under seem to be really unaware of what this mindset will do for the generations below them. I won’t even touch the topic of marriage and kids out-of-wedlock because that’s another thing in and of itself but just relationships in general, having a significant other, and being in a committed relationship seems so FOREIGN to so many people nowadays.

Everyone wants to complain about the lack of “good men or women” but one can only do that for so long.  Usually, if you are meeting the wrong men or having failed relationship after failed relationship wouldn’t the right thing to do be to “look at yourself”? People need to start taking accountability for their failed relationships. Period. You can’t talk about how there are so many waste wo/men out there and blame wo/men for all your foils. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem lies with YOU? Did you ever think that maybe you SUCK at picking the right partner? Maybe that your judgement in people is lacking? Maybe you’re making consistently poor choices? I’m not preaching because I’ve BEEN there. I’ve played the blame game. I’ve pointed my finger. I’ve also learned the hard way. I was thinking for the longest time I was just unlucky in love but really, I was just falling for the wrong type of man. I was looking to change people or “save” people. Once I pointed the finger back at me and took time to see what I was doing wrong I started meeting better people. I started having more successful relationships. One thing I CAN’T shake is who I attract though. LMAO. But that’s neither here nor there.

All I’m trying to say is, if you’re constantly alone and upset or depressed about the person in your life and where your relationship isn’t headed, then flip the script. You have nothing to lose. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Look at how you live your life and how you conduct yourself. Try and see if you would like you if you were someone else. Try and see yourself how others view you. This doesn’t mean the people that would hate on you, or talk shit because Lord knows those people shouldn’t matter to you. I’m talking about your friends and family.  It’s not easy doing this but there’s that saying “lie to others but never lie to yourself”. If you can be honest with yourself, you may learn a lot. And you cannot change what you don’t know or fail to see.

If you actually WANT a serious relationship with a GOOD man or woman, then you need to find out what it is you’ve done wrong, correct it and start applying what you want out of a partner to your life. If you want a successful wo/man, then you need to be successful yourself. You cannot expect to meet a someone who has all the qualities and things you yourself don’t have or aren’t in the process of achieving. My personal philosophy is to never, ever expect a man to have or do for me the things I don’t have or won’t do for him in return. It’s easier said than done, I know, but if you think about it, a relationship is much more than just that. It’s a partnership. If you aren’t with the person that can work with you and make you better, than you aren’t with the RIGHT one.

Stop complaining about all the bad that’s out there. There are a LOT of good men and women left but most of you are looking in the wrong places. And mistaking known ASSHOLES for “good” people.  You cannot change anyone. You cannot form anyone’s personality or demeanor. You have to meet someone and accept them AS THEY ARE which is why when you are looking for a mate you look for compatibility. The flaws they have will be flaws you can overlook because they’re minor and no one is perfect.

Be a better person in your OWN life and what you get out of life (in this case your relationships) will be better because of it. I promise you. Try it, faithfully, and tell me I’m wrong. I double-triple dare you 😉

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I Won’t Let My Girl Do That!

24 May 2010 at 2:30 pm (Love & Relationships, Rants, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , )


I was laying in bed this morning having a conversation with someone about relationships, sex, wifey’s vs. hoes and etc.

We got onto the subject of men wanting a “freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets” and I said I was convinced that regardless of what men SAY they actually would take a “good girl” that’s OK or not so good in bed over a girl who was great in bed but maybe not so great in other areas (like being a good girlfriend). He told me I was wrong because for HIM if he took the girl who was OK in bed, he’s sure he would cheat on her within weeks.

Now, this isn’t to say we think sex is the most important part of a relationship – it isn’t. We did agree, however, that it’s up there. It’s important to have that compatibility and familiarity with your partner. It’s important to have passion and that bond physically with someone you are committed to, otherwise infidelity will rear its ugly head. How many times have you heard that when men cheat it’s just all about sex; nothing more, nothing less but when women cheat there is a degree of emotion involved? I believe that to be hogwash. If it was JUST sex when a man cheated why would he continue to go back to the same woman over and over. He’s getting what he wants. On more than just a sexual level and if what he wants he’s getting from someone other than his woman, WHY is he with her?

I brought up the fact that a lot of men will never wife a “freak” because for some the word “freak” is synonymous with the word “hoe”. Most people should know better but that’s the stigma that’s attached. It is how it is. A hoe and a freak do not HAVE to be the same thing. A woman could be her man’s personal freak and do all the things sexually to keep him happy and satisfied. This doesn’t make her a hoe. See what I mean? However, some guys refuse to differentiate the two. This is unfair.

The guy I was having this conversation with spoke of a guy he knew and how this guy wouldn’t allow his girl to give him oral pleasure. In the six years they’ve been together she’s never given him head once. “But when he wants his dick sucked he goes and cheats on her, doesn’t he?”  I asked. It felt more like a statement because I already knew the answer. The question was confirmed and my boy said his friend replied with “I wouldn’t let her do that. She’s the wife. She could be the mother of my children.”  How is it logical that you have a woman you love and respect and are with for 6 years but you can justify cheating on her because she’s wifey and wifey doesn’t do these sorts of things? To me that’s the most illogical bull crap I’ve ever heard. Your partner should be willing to do anything needed to keep you happy and satisfied, sexually, spiritually, emotionally … and it goes without saying that this works BOTH ways.

Why NOT do all the nasty, pleasurable, freaky things with your life partner than with some random chick? Sexuality is whatever you are comfortable with.You should be comfortable with your partner. I would never want my man to step out on me to get pleasure from someone else when I’m more than capable of giving it to him. In the case of the guy my boy told me about though, it appears that his woman never even had a chance or a choice. There’s a difference between willing to please and not knowing how or being able but when you aren’t even given the chance, that’s messed up!

Why would someone think that giving head is something only “hoes do” and wifed girls don’t do? Its 2010. WHY is there still a stigma attached to oral sex? My boy says it’s about trust. He tried to explain to me that the reason some men feel this way is because they figure if a girl is willing to do all these “freaky” things with them, chances are a man before them also experienced these things and guys don’t want to know some other man had what they have currently. But come on, unless you sleep with a virgin this is inevitable. Be secure and comfortable with your sexuality. That’s an insecurity issue. If you aren’t secure enough to be in a sexually mature relationship then DON’T BE IN ONE. Simple.

All this being said though, it makes me wonder. Should I be the kind of female that scales back her freakiness so that I can become wifed and take my chances of being cheated on or should I be true to my sexual self and be how I am and not have a relationship because a man thinks I’m a hoe because I do freaky things in the bedroom? WHAT KIND OF OPTIONS ARE THOSE? As a sexually independent woman, those options SUCK. Be a freak and be labelled a hoe and have no relationships or be a good girl in a relationship having basic sex with my man so he can go get freaked out by another woman (who – in his eyes is likely a  hoe). LOL! Illogical fuckery.

I know that not all guys feel this way but I’ve had this conversation with more than a few men and sadly I know more guys that feel this way than ones that don’t. I can usually understand where people are coming from regarding these things and I can see both sides to everything whether I agree or not but on THIS particular issue I can’t see the logic AT ALL. I don’t condone cheating or misleading anyone and I feel like if you want a girl that’s a freak then wife a girl that’s a freak – and again this doesn’t mean you wife a hoe. You wife a girl who keeps her freaky dealings behind closed doors. A girl that is what you want in private. There are women out there that are like that. Yes, it may be hard to find but when is finding your partner ever easy? A lot of things are hard to find these days. You know what it comes down to, though? Not rushing into things with people. Communicating. That’s it, that’s all.

If more people were communicating OPENLY about sex and sexuality before they got into a relationship, a lot of bullshit could be avoided later on. Sex shouldn’t be breaking up a partnership. Finances, lies, deceit (not sexually related) and other situations should be what contributes to a break up. Sex is easy. Sex feels good. Sex is pleasure. There is no reason why a couple should be breaking up over it. If you want head then why not have the woman you desire most give it to you? Wouldn’t it feel better? Wouldn’t it mean more? If she’s a prude and doesn’t do that then why did you even “wife” her in the first place? Cheating, no matter how you justify it is wrong, and if the woman you’ve been with for 6 years is too much of a Queen to suck your dick but some hoe in the street is, then maybe relationships and all they stand for just aren’t for you.

Find out what the hell you want, stop wasting people’s time.

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Misconstrued Notions Of Marriage

6 May 2010 at 6:04 pm (Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


I would LOVE to get married one day. For sure. BUT with all that I’ve been through personally, and all that I’ve seen other’s go through, I’m not rushing to get married. IF I get married at all, to be honest.

For MY generation, the idea of marriage has been highly misconstrued. The purpose of marriage is to procreate and make a family. People aren’t getting married for those reasons. People are getting married because they have children, not to be confused with making them. People are getting married for tax breaks and other financial gains. People are getting married because they are pressured to do so by friends and family. People are getting married because “Hey, why not? We’ve been together 8 years“. How many people are getting married because they LOVE one another? Because they want to spend their life with that person?

“You don’t marry someone you can live with. You marry someone you cannot live without.”

My own personal viewpoints of marriage aside, I think marriage is a wonderful thing – when done right and for the right reasons. A lot of times you have people misconstruing the idea behind it. To best explain what I mean I use a quote I heard a long time ago that struck a chord with me and made a LOT of sense:

“Men only want in-house pussy while women only want a wedding.”

No commitment. No genuine love. Just need, need, want and greed. Sad truly. If a guy can get a girl to marry him then he never has to worry about sex again. Come on everyone, we all know its harder for men to get sex than it is for women. Men have to work for it. With his wife, its there. Hence, in-house pussy. HOWEVER, they ALSO say once you get married the sex stops. And the cheating starts “there’s no pussy like new pussy” EW! So they say …. so they say. Women, while wanting a commitment always want the flashy expensive wedding to show out and have that dream fantasy wedding most have been thinking of since they were children BUT how many of these same women would marry at City Hall if need be for the sake of saving money or convenience? I can bet you not many, hence, women wanting a wedding and not a marriage *sigh*.

Last night on twitter I made a passing comment on marriage to which a follower of mine replied:

“@lovebugstarsky but then again it aint tradition! It’s the commitment to God.”

Now, I would’ve gotten into it with him (not rudely, just a discussion) but religion is something I don’t debate. Religion is a personal choice and decision and I don’t think personal choices and decisions need be talked about. Plus, we don’t know each other all that well to be having such a discussion. I was cool with his words and respectful of his viewpoint but in all honesty, marriage to me IS traditional. And if I marry someone I’m committing to THEM, not God. However, said commitment is BEFORE God. It’s semantics really but important ones in MY eyes, nonetheless.

OK, that’s enough about religion (lol).

In today’s society a common-law couple has the same rights legally as a married couple. Even if that common-law couple was to split up they can still go to court to fight for property and monies obtained within the relationship just as a married couple would do if they got divorced. My whole thing is this: I don’t want to get a divorce. I’d rather just walk away from my partner. It’s just as much pain, but less expensive. LOL … One would think I’m saying all marriage comes down to is money in that sense and sometimes it does. A lot of couples start out in debt after paying for their huge, lavish wedding and honeymoon, don’t they? Things that make you go hmm.

Divorce is another thing altogether. One shouldn’t walk into a marriage fearing divorce. I mean, that’s just setting yourself up for failure. No one should walk into ANYTHING with the thought of a negative outcome but with the rates as high as they are you can’t help but wonder. Someone told me once that the divorce rates are skewed and the numbers aren’t as high as “they” would have us believe. Even if that IS true, the fact that its OUT there already puts the idea into your head that your marriage has a pretty good chance at failing.

Personally, I’m not going to subscribe to that “I don’t need a piece of paper to show my love and commitment” ideal because honestly, marriage is just more than a piece of paper BUT that doesn’t mean I need a marriage to define my commitment to the man I plan to be with for the rest of my life, either.

Another issue I have with marriage is the assumption I MUST take my husband’s name. I have no problem with that but because I have a child I have to think about her. Unless she is legally adopted I don’t want her to be the only family member with a different last name. I actually had my ex-boyfriend tell me he wouldn’t and couldn’t marry me if I didn’t take his last name. I explained my reasoning and even said I would hyphenate and he said no. I thought hyphenating my name was a great compromise but he said no. End of story. Needless to say, he’s my EX-boyfriend.  I don’t altogether fault him for his beliefs but I feel that when it comes to marriage, it should be a partnership and not a “my way or the highway” type of deal. Clearly,  I took the highway.

I feel that if I do get married one day it WILL MOST DEFINITELY be for the right reasons and it will be because I am so 100% convinced this is the person for me and that’s all there is to it. While I’ve come extremely close to feeling that way about someone I’m still not married so … unless I feel that way again, I’m pretty good with common-law and I don’t see the issue with that.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Feel free to post and comment. Let’s discuss!

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Who Does Secrecy REALLY Protect?

4 May 2010 at 3:02 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Privacy vs. secrecy. There’s a difference you know.

Let’s explain. You have two people who like each other and are dating and getting to know each other. One party probably likes the other party more and therefore wants to share with their friends the excitement they feel at the potential of what could possibly be a relationship. However, the other party isn’t really sure and while they may like this person, they don’t know if they actually SEE potential. So, rather than just come out and SAY this, they delay the inevitable, allowing party A to feel something is growing between them, when in reality had they just paid attention to the signs, a huge confuffle would’ve been avoided.

When men and women like each other – and REALLY like each other, there’s no stopping them from telling the world. When a guy meets a great girl, every one of his friends knows it. He may not sing her praises or put her on a pedestal (right away) but he will at the very least say he’s met a girl that he’s crazy for. Don’t believe me? Ask any male. With women, it’s even more so. Why? Because we’re emotional creatures like that. We meet a guy that sweeps us off our feet, we do everything and tell everyone short of taking out an ad in the local paper. And no that’s not an exaggeration, believe me – lol.

There’s a difference between being a private person and letting all your business hang out for the world to see. Then add being flat out SECRETIVE about who you’re with and that adds a whole other dynamic to the conversation. It’s only human nature to showcase your happiness. And rarely will someone NOT do that unless other factors come into play. When dating someone pay attention to the signs of whether or not you are being kept a secret for a legitimate reason (which I personally think there isn’t one) or for something more sinister. Privacy vs. secrecy. Know the difference.

If you are dating someone of “stature” and you don’t measure up, chances are you won’t be raved about. Let’s be honest. If you look at who you’re dating, talking to, sleeping with and etc, and you feel you aren’t up to their standards, chances are they feel the same way. It’s almost like they are too ashamed to come out and admit they like you or are with you because they fear what others think. Or, because of their own self-hatred feel they have taken a step back by being with someone who’s clearly not on the level of the last person they dated. They feel ashamed and put that shame onto you, which is so wrong on so many levels. They CHOSE to be with you – in whatever capacity, yet punish you because you aren’t good enough. Why mess with you then? Probably because you made yourself available in whatever way they needed you to be. Once you have fulfilled your purpose, they will discard you for someone more their “type”. This isn’t too far from the truth in most cases but rarely will you find someone to be honest enough to admit that. Most people don’t want to be seen as someone who’s “dating down” … so even if the situation they have is a good one, if you aren’t an “upgrade” chances are you won’t be spoken about.  Who does the secrecy protect? Their reputation. One they probably don’t even realize means shit all.

There are some people who actually have been through the fire when it comes to putting themselves and their relationship out there for consumption and depending on how sincere they are when explaining their reasoning, the keeping you a secret COULD be legitimate. Let’s use Facebook as a prime example. Most people will tell you how crazy Facebook can be when it comes to relationships and how foul it can be. First of all, let me state it’s not the site or the “in a relationship with” option that breaks up a relationship. It’s the people who sign up and can’t mind their own business and the couple that allows third parties to break up a happy home. There have long since been leeches and bloodsuckers ready to break up a relationship – Facebook and the internet just make it that much easier is all. And boy I tell ya … misery loves her some company. I prefer to let people know I have someone but I ALSO prefer to keep that someone to myself. My closest friends and loved ones know who he is but I don’t need his name on my page, nor does his face or our pictures  belong everywhere for people to see, comment on or have randoms add to their own friends list that don’t even know him. What does that privacy protect? Our relationship.

Then you have those people who altogether REFUSE to acknowledge you in any capacity. They don’t even want to make it look like you’re their friend.  They barely text you (because that’s evidence) and if you try to talk to them, the convo’s are short and to the point. Most of anything you speak about is done face to face. For all intents and purposes, you basically only know them from the ‘net. You may be on their friends or follower lists but yet they don’t write on your wall or tweet you. If they acknowledge you at all its in a very general and HUGELY platonic way. To anyone looking in from the outside you’re probably just someone they know through the ‘net, in passing or from around the way. They’d never guess this was someone you see, sleep with and date regularly. This is probably the worst situation to be in, reason being because you probably are so blinded by their bullshit that you don’t see the signs that you are “the other” woman/man. More than likely, you’ve got that gut feeling that something about the way they treat you isn’t right but you still continue on this path because for whatever reason you’ve got no other path to travel. It’s so unhealthy and while you can’t prove it one thing you suspect is the secrecy this time, is usually protecting the boyfriend or girlfriend. Or wife. Or husband. SMH.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand the need for privacy. These days having a relationship is so hard because there are always people who want to bring you down and see you unhappy, which is really sad! If people spent as much time looking at their OWN lives rather than looking at other peoples’ imagine what the world would be like. But I’m preaching to the choir. At the same time, though, a relationship involves two people and two people only – not the world. Those two people have to be strong on their own and with each other to not allow outside influences break them apart. This doesn’t mean its OK to be secretive about your love and happiness but it means that BOTH people have to be on the same page about keeping things quiet. If it hurts your partner to constantly seem like a ghost in your life then you owe it to them to somehow make them know that’s not the case. How its done really depends on the status of your relationship with them and how creative you are. You need to find a balance in your relationship so that your partner feels you are proud of them and proud to be WITH them. Otherwise, self-doubt  rears its ugly head and all kinds of other emotions crop up, least of all resentment. It’s easily avoidable and the only way it can be done is through communication.

Keeping your relationship PRIVATE is one thing, keeping it a SECRET is another. There’s a fine line and minor difference between the two but be careful walking it. It could be what drives a wedge between you and the person you claim to care so much for. Once you cross that line, be prepared for all that comes along with it. Guaranteed if you make the wrong choice you’ll end up paying for it in the end and realizing it wasn’t worth it. Be wise within your relationship. Be fair to your mate.

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Relationships Are Like Jobs

10 April 2010 at 10:59 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


This is a no brainer. We’ve all heard this comparison before, right? Here’s the thing though:  Some people treat relationships like hard LABOUR! Relationships are hard work, sure. They’re like jobs, yes but they don’t have to be so hard.  The key to making every job easier is open communication with your co-worker or boss, or in the sense I’m speaking of – with your partner. Talking things out is always the best thing to do but it always becomes how you say things not what you say. If you let things sit and marinate for too long then it builds up and turns into resentment. And when the slightest thing happens in your relationship you snap. It’s the straw that breaks the camels back and all this outpouring of resentment rains down on your partners shoulders and they feel attacked and quite often what do they say? “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Yea, why didn’t you? Fear of confrontation? Fear of thinking it wasn’t worthy of a conversation? But yet, here you are now throwing all that’s been bothering you at them when the issue that caused the argument in the first place has nothing to do with the past. That’s unfair. Imagine if you were on the receiving end of that discussion … how would that make you feel?

Why is it that we can yell at our better half’s but would never dream of yelling at our boss? You know if you step over a line you’ll lose your job but why do we feel if we step over a line we won’t lose our significant other? Because they love you? Because emotions are involved? Take it from me, that will only last so long. Communicating openly and effectively – talking AND listening AND understanding – will keep you heads above many other couples. Love is not enough. It can sustain you but when life hands you a pink slip or lay off notice don’t act surprised when that love burns out. Don’t run a good thing into the ground thinking you can rely on it. You’ll bleed love dry. Don’t ever let it get to that point.

It’s important to voice your concerns sincerely and without malice or anger. If you do the latter your hopes for a good outcome are futile. Understand that if there’s something going on in your relationship that concerns you, you must let your partner know.  They can’t work with you to fix something they aren’t aware of. And you can’t hold that against them even though many of us do. Unless you’re dating a psychic, your partner isn’t a mind reader. No matter how small the issue, DISCUSS it. Don’t be worried about them thinking your nitpicking or nagging. After all, once again, it’s how you say it, not what you say. If you say it with a nagging quality then chances are that’s how it will come across and be perceived. And if you KNOW you’re nitpicking then either you aren’t stating your case strongly enough because they aren’t getting it OR they don’t care to change (or try to change) their behaviours, in which case you have a bigger issue at hand. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Effective communication works wonders and when you get the hang of how well it works you’d be surprised at how well it’s received by the people who love you most. Trust me.

Treat your relationship like a job you love and put all effort and joy into making it stay that way. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy argument now and then. It makes your relationship stronger and your understanding of your partner so much better.

Relationships are great if you know how to handle them but if you don’t or can’t, then recognize it’s not for you. Move on. Live life and be happy.

To close, take this in:

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