Assume Accountability For Your Failed Relationships

21 September 2010 at 10:05 am (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , )

Its been so long since I’ve blogged. I want to start off by apologizing to my readers. My readership has dropped DRASTICALLY in the past couple of months, of no fault but my own. Life happens and the summer caused me to be a lot busier than usual but I promise with the cooler weather approaching I’ll become a hermit again and fresh material and posts will be up and running soon ūüôā

All that being said, I wanted to speak on a topic that I’ve touched on before but never devoted an entire post to. There’s this dynamic with men and women where people are quick to talk about how waste people are. All men are dogs, don’t know how to treat a man, they’re worthless; all women are hoes, materialistic, gold diggers or too independent, blah blah. It’s annoying.

I don’t know how it is in other cities but in Toronto, there is a HUGE lack of coupling in the city. Most people are forgoing relationships to be single and just date with no intention of “catching feelings” or committing. It’s sad to me. I’m not sure if there is a fundamental reason for this or if times are just changing and fidelity is a thing of the past. Call me old fashioned or a hopeless romantic (I am!) but ¬†what’s better than being in love and having someone to rely on and care for and about? What’s better than companionship and being with ONE person that can and will satisfy your every needs? I’ve been on both ends of that spectrum and while being single is fun and exciting it’s really un-fulfilling. I know a lot of people enjoy being single but after a while that shit gets old. After awhile, everyone wants to be with someone. So why are people staying single longer and shunning commitment?

My age group (25+) may have JUST missed this way of thinking but people 25 and under seem to be really unaware of what this mindset will do for the generations below them. I won’t even touch the topic of marriage and kids out-of-wedlock because that’s another thing in and of itself but just relationships in general, having a significant other, and being in a committed relationship seems so FOREIGN to so many people nowadays.

Everyone wants to complain about the lack of “good men or women” but one can only do that for so long. ¬†Usually, if you are meeting the wrong men or having failed relationship after failed relationship wouldn’t the right thing to do be to “look at yourself”? People need to start taking accountability for their failed relationships. Period. You can’t talk about how there are so many waste wo/men out there and blame wo/men for all your foils. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem lies with YOU? Did you ever think that maybe you SUCK at picking the right partner? Maybe that your judgement in people is lacking? Maybe you’re making consistently poor choices? I’m not preaching because I’ve BEEN there. I’ve played the blame game. I’ve pointed my finger. I’ve also learned the hard way. I was thinking for the longest time I was just unlucky in love but really, I was just falling for the wrong type of man. I was looking to change people or “save” people. Once I pointed the finger back at me and took time to see what I was doing wrong I started meeting better people. I started having more successful relationships. One thing I CAN’T shake is who I attract though. LMAO. But that’s neither here nor there.

All I’m trying to say is, if you’re constantly alone and upset or depressed about the person in your life and where your relationship isn’t headed, then flip the script. You have nothing to lose. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Look at how you live your life and how you conduct yourself. Try and see if you would like you if you were someone else. Try and see yourself how others view you. This doesn’t mean the people that would hate on you, or talk shit because Lord knows those people shouldn’t matter to you. I’m talking about your friends and family. ¬†It’s not easy doing this but there’s that saying “lie to others but never lie to yourself”. If you can be honest with yourself, you may learn a lot. And you cannot change what you don’t know or fail to see.

If you actually WANT a serious relationship with a GOOD man or woman, then you need to find out what it is you’ve done wrong, correct it and start applying what you want out of a partner to your life. If you want a successful wo/man, then you need to be successful yourself. You cannot expect to meet a someone who has all the qualities and things you yourself don’t have or aren’t in the process of achieving. My personal philosophy is to never, ever expect a man to have or do for me the things I don’t have or won’t do for him in return. It’s easier said than done, I know, but if you think about it, a relationship is much more than just that. It’s a partnership. If you aren’t with the person that can work with you and make you better, than you aren’t with the RIGHT one.

Stop complaining about all the bad that’s out there. There are a LOT of good men and women left but most of you are looking in the wrong places. And mistaking known ASSHOLES for “good” people. ¬†You cannot change anyone. You cannot form anyone’s personality or demeanor. You have to meet someone and accept them AS THEY ARE which is why when you are looking for a mate you look for compatibility. The flaws they have will be flaws you can overlook because they’re minor and no one is perfect.

Be a better person in your OWN life and what you get out of life (in this case your relationships) will be better because of it. I promise you. Try it, faithfully, and tell me I’m wrong. I double-triple dare you ūüėČ

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If You’re Ugly, Click the Back Button.

28 September 2008 at 7:55 pm (Entertainment, Love & Relationships, Random, Rants) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Imagine, if you will, a website so shallow that you are literally screened by existing members before your membership is accepted. Where you have to submit a picture and you are voted and ranked by others “qualified” to tell you whether you are in or out. I kid you not. A site like this exists. In the form of It also has a “.net” URL.

I first heard of this website reading a column in a daily paper on the way to work a few months ago. I thought it was interesting yet bullshit at the same time. It was recently brought up to me again during casual conversation with my girl, D Inspectah.¬†I’m not naive to the fact that beauty and looks get you far in the world (as wrong as that is) but I didn’t think someone would have the balls to make a website on this premise. But then again, I thought, why WOULDN’T someone?

So, a website is born where good looking people want to meet other good looking people without the threat of uglies getting in the way. Never mind the fact that what’s ugly to you may not be ugly to someone else. That doesn’t matter here. Here, it’s the “majority rules” deal. You are deemed beautiful by other members. You are deemed worthy by strangers. You are deemed exceptional and are accepted by the internet’s elite.


Now, I am¬†almost tempted to join and see if I pass. But I can’t and won’t lie, if those assholes don’t accept me, I’ll be pissed off. LMFAO. Not because they deemed me unworthy but because I get everything I want and I want in to this site to get a better perspective for a deeper blog. Am I afraid of being rejected? Not at all.¬† I don’t need the site to give me the attention their members are clearly craving.

I went to the main page and hesitated signing up. I saw some of the “members” and already I’m judging them. They aren’t cute. She isn’t that pretty. He really isn’t all that fine. And just like that I’m thinking … DAMN! They got me! I’m just like them! I’m judging!!! No! Ahhhhh!

What kind of world do we live in where we are judged solely on our outer appearance? This is nothing new. It’s been a part of our culture for a long time. I know that. I’m aware but it doesn’t make it right. Of course the first thing you see is someones looks. Their eyes, their smile, their body. Whatever you are attracted to physically. You don’t initially¬†see someone¬†and say “Well, aren’t they just so intelligent and witty!” I get that but for a website to base its membership on looks alone and to encourage only “beautiful people” to meet other “beautiful people” what message are we sending? Are we¬†placing more importance on looks than personality and intelligence when looking for a mate? Indeed. I wouldn’t WANT to meet someone on a site like this because I’d know that its nothing but shallow people looking to me for what I LOOK like rather than for¬†who I am.

This isn’t to say there aren’t good people on there looking for looks AND personality. I’m sure there are more than a few but its the INITIAL premise behind it that has me bothered. The initial screening process to weed out the people that may be more “plain jane” or “average joe” than the all American beauty or glamorous diva. What’s so wrong with the average everyday person?

There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who has the “entire package”. We all want that, and in an ideal world we can all HAVE that,¬†but let’s face it, this day in age its a hard package to come across. Most of us have to compromise our wants and needs for reality and what we can get.

I can’t see myself joining a site like this but I can see why many people would. For whatever reason, a lot of people like to hear how fabulous they look; how sexy they are. Who wouldn’t? We all like compliments. Nothing wrong with that. I personally, don’t like compliments all that much,¬†because I don’t know how to accept them properly. I don’t understand them and can’t accept them without shyly looking away or blushing. But that’s just ME. I always say thank you and keep it moving. I never got into getting caught up in the hype of a compliment. Maybe because half the time i never know if they are genuine or not. If they’re just lines or words from a guy to get into my pants. In any case, if I signed up for a site like this my suspicions would only peak more and more because I know, for the most part, this is a site full of shallow assholes, more than likely only appreciating me for my looks and not my brain or my humour or whatever else I have to offer.

And that would suck.

Now, apparently, Slice is going to air a show dedicated to this website and its¬†debut in¬†Canada. In the promos, one of the sites owners (or at least I believe him to be) says: “In Canada, it¬†will be hard to find people”. That line made me laugh because you ask a lot of people OUTSIDE of Canada and they’ll say our country has some of the most GORGEOUS women in the world. The same may not be said for the men (lol, that’s ok) but the women here are indeed beautiful. I’m wondering if he’s just one of those dumb American’s that know nothing of geography and thinks Canada is a small city in the North Pole or something and assumes that Canadians wear eskimo gear all year round?

You know, as a matter of fact, I’d love to see who made this site. Who are the sites creators? I will put my money down that the owners aren’t nearly as beautiful as all their “members”.

Its a sad day though, folks. When you hear of a site like this, then you go there and see they have 120,000+ members and the site is growing daily, it becomes rather depressing to know that THAT many people are fascinated by nothing more than beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I thank God I don’t know anyone PERSONALLY with a membership to that site. I would probably look at them a bit differently. And that makes me a hypocrite because I’m doing what the sites users are doing – judging. Albeit for different reasons, but judging just the same. Such a sad, sad day.

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