Assume Accountability For Your Failed Relationships

21 September 2010 at 10:05 am (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , )

Its been so long since I’ve blogged. I want to start off by apologizing to my readers. My readership has dropped DRASTICALLY in the past couple of months, of no fault but my own. Life happens and the summer caused me to be a lot busier than usual but I promise with the cooler weather approaching I’ll become a hermit again and fresh material and posts will be up and running soon 🙂

All that being said, I wanted to speak on a topic that I’ve touched on before but never devoted an entire post to. There’s this dynamic with men and women where people are quick to talk about how waste people are. All men are dogs, don’t know how to treat a man, they’re worthless; all women are hoes, materialistic, gold diggers or too independent, blah blah. It’s annoying.

I don’t know how it is in other cities but in Toronto, there is a HUGE lack of coupling in the city. Most people are forgoing relationships to be single and just date with no intention of “catching feelings” or committing. It’s sad to me. I’m not sure if there is a fundamental reason for this or if times are just changing and fidelity is a thing of the past. Call me old fashioned or a hopeless romantic (I am!) but  what’s better than being in love and having someone to rely on and care for and about? What’s better than companionship and being with ONE person that can and will satisfy your every needs? I’ve been on both ends of that spectrum and while being single is fun and exciting it’s really un-fulfilling. I know a lot of people enjoy being single but after a while that shit gets old. After awhile, everyone wants to be with someone. So why are people staying single longer and shunning commitment?

My age group (25+) may have JUST missed this way of thinking but people 25 and under seem to be really unaware of what this mindset will do for the generations below them. I won’t even touch the topic of marriage and kids out-of-wedlock because that’s another thing in and of itself but just relationships in general, having a significant other, and being in a committed relationship seems so FOREIGN to so many people nowadays.

Everyone wants to complain about the lack of “good men or women” but one can only do that for so long.  Usually, if you are meeting the wrong men or having failed relationship after failed relationship wouldn’t the right thing to do be to “look at yourself”? People need to start taking accountability for their failed relationships. Period. You can’t talk about how there are so many waste wo/men out there and blame wo/men for all your foils. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem lies with YOU? Did you ever think that maybe you SUCK at picking the right partner? Maybe that your judgement in people is lacking? Maybe you’re making consistently poor choices? I’m not preaching because I’ve BEEN there. I’ve played the blame game. I’ve pointed my finger. I’ve also learned the hard way. I was thinking for the longest time I was just unlucky in love but really, I was just falling for the wrong type of man. I was looking to change people or “save” people. Once I pointed the finger back at me and took time to see what I was doing wrong I started meeting better people. I started having more successful relationships. One thing I CAN’T shake is who I attract though. LMAO. But that’s neither here nor there.

All I’m trying to say is, if you’re constantly alone and upset or depressed about the person in your life and where your relationship isn’t headed, then flip the script. You have nothing to lose. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Look at how you live your life and how you conduct yourself. Try and see if you would like you if you were someone else. Try and see yourself how others view you. This doesn’t mean the people that would hate on you, or talk shit because Lord knows those people shouldn’t matter to you. I’m talking about your friends and family.  It’s not easy doing this but there’s that saying “lie to others but never lie to yourself”. If you can be honest with yourself, you may learn a lot. And you cannot change what you don’t know or fail to see.

If you actually WANT a serious relationship with a GOOD man or woman, then you need to find out what it is you’ve done wrong, correct it and start applying what you want out of a partner to your life. If you want a successful wo/man, then you need to be successful yourself. You cannot expect to meet a someone who has all the qualities and things you yourself don’t have or aren’t in the process of achieving. My personal philosophy is to never, ever expect a man to have or do for me the things I don’t have or won’t do for him in return. It’s easier said than done, I know, but if you think about it, a relationship is much more than just that. It’s a partnership. If you aren’t with the person that can work with you and make you better, than you aren’t with the RIGHT one.

Stop complaining about all the bad that’s out there. There are a LOT of good men and women left but most of you are looking in the wrong places. And mistaking known ASSHOLES for “good” people.  You cannot change anyone. You cannot form anyone’s personality or demeanor. You have to meet someone and accept them AS THEY ARE which is why when you are looking for a mate you look for compatibility. The flaws they have will be flaws you can overlook because they’re minor and no one is perfect.

Be a better person in your OWN life and what you get out of life (in this case your relationships) will be better because of it. I promise you. Try it, faithfully, and tell me I’m wrong. I double-triple dare you 😉

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Finding Mr. Right & Does He Even Exist?

18 December 2009 at 3:54 pm (Funny Things, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , )

I re-posted a piece previous to this post about successfully maintaining a relationship. It was crazy informative and the writer related well to her readers (or such is my opinion) but then it got me to thinking … especially about the first point of: “Be good friends” wherein my opinion on the matter is that men and women CAN’T be friends. I wonder then, if this means when you first meet someone, you don’t rush and become friends with the INTENT of a relationship to follow, rather than date a friend you may have had in your life for awhile and one day said “gee, I wonder ….. what would happen if ….” – I know that’s an earful but I hope you followed. Either situation proves my point: men and women cannot be friends but the way in which one would go about it could make all the difference. I’m rambling now and this isnt even the point of this post. Moving on …….

Let’s discuss Mr. Right. Where is he? Does he exist? Mr. Right is not to be confused with Mr. Right Now. No,  Mr. Right Now comes in the form of a booty call, a one night stand, a vibrator or your index and middle fingers. No, see, Mr. Right is indeed THE man. The BEST man for the “job” if you will. He’s a committed sort … a man devoted to friendships within relationships, trust, honour, devotion, and fidelity. He exists in the minds of single women, young and old, everywhere. They either turn him into their favourite actor, singer or athlete (though, we ALL know celebrities – generally – make CRAP Mr. Rights) or they make him up completely out of thin air. I wonder,  do we make up such a super man and adhere these “regular” guys to these impossible standards? Probably. Is it fair to always look at your friends or family members relationships and want a man just like theirs? Who knows? I mean … no one REALLY knows what a couple goes through (not matter what is told to you in confidence) other than those two people. Do you wish upon a star for a Mr. Right? I can’t even lie. Once upon a time I did. I’m not ashamed to say so but I’m ashamed to believe he’d actually materialize out of nowhere. I know I have to help fate along when it comes to this sort of thing, but where do we even begin!?

Say Mr. Right DOES exist. Where can we find him? I say, not in a club. Not unless your Mr. Right consists of a bothersome, sweaty and overbearing “man” that finds his mission in life is to bring you home and make maddening love to you. That’s not Mr. Right. That’s not even Mr. Right Now. That, my friends, is Mr. Stay Far Away.

Some would tell you church but …. past experiences have told ME that freaks and hypocrites live in church. That’s all I want to say about that.

Some would say the best way to find Mr. Right is to look closer to home – at your friends or … whatever. I think this is a possibility but I wouldn’t look there. Most of the guys I’m friends with are either ugly or just fake a true friendship in order to eventually fuck me. Hey, I’m being real. I probably have two TRULY platonic male friendships. I’m sure if I threw myself at them they MAY take me up on it but the point is that I respect them and our friendship enough to not do that – and in my heart I know they feel the same way about me. To each their own, though. You often here about the nice, wholesome girl, pining for her best friend of 10 years and he looks at her as nothing more than a sister. But when he’s whored himself out and wants to settle his overactive penis down, he rings her up but she’s moved on with Jamal, the hot body rapper than treats her like shit. *Sigh* +1 for the rappers.

Some would say the best place to meet Mr. Right is at school or a job. Yay for the former, nay to the latter. I think school is a good place. At least you know he’s about his education and has SOME intellect and / or sense. It also shows he has ambitions to BE something / someone someday. The job thing is a little trickier. I suppose if you were working for a huge corporation it may be OK but smaller offices are hard … not just to work in (you can’t hide shit) but definitely for an office romance. Don’t even think about boning your boss unless you feel its absolutely worth the risk. And by risk I mean, people finding out, or worse: losing your job.

There are so many other places – the library, the mall, the bank line on a Friday afternoon (pay week of course) and in the Frozen Food or Fresh Produce aisle – but again, does he EVEN exist? I don’t know. I’m not even sure. What I can and will say though, is that you have to find whats a perfect match for YOU. Surely, MY Mr. Right will not be the same as YOUR Mr. Right. Other than the obvious general things like good hygiene and not addicted to crack. The most important thing is to find someone that compliments you and is perfect for YOU and doesn’t fit societies ideal of what is perfect or RIGHT. Society is all kinds of messed up. Don’t pay attention to it. Society’s standards are like wet dogs – disgustingly offensive and ………. smelly?

I just want to state for the record, Mr. Right CAN exist but it truly depends on your idea of what Mr. Right is (and again, who he is to and for you). Mr. Right shouldn’t be confused for Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect is a figment of a retards imagination. He doesn’t exist. I can unequivocally ASSURE you of this! Mr. Right is flawed but he is flawed in a way where he makes mistakes and learns from them, hence he’s imperfect. But still RIGHT. Get it? OK!

Good luck to anyone out there looking for that right person. And if you happen to meet a Mr. Right that isn’t good for you but you think he could be for someone else, hit me up. Tell me where he’s at. Give him the URL to this post, tell him to write me.

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Let’s Talk About Cheating

18 July 2008 at 8:39 pm (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The latest celebrity relationship bust up is the basis for this post. Alex Rodriguez and his wife, Cynthia have separated with Mrs. Rodriguez screaming “adultery”. But not in the physical sense, mind you. In the ……. i-don’t-even-know-what-you’d-call-it-sense. Emotional sense?

She’s stating Mr. Baseball had an affair. With Madonna. Not of a sexual nature. But an “affair of the heart”. Yes, that’s right. He cheated on her without “cheating” on her.

I don’t think she’s wrong for categorizing it as such, though. Now, if she’s falsely accusing him then that’s a different story altogether but if he is trying to get with Madonna and he’s a married man, then hell yes, he’s cheated. Point, blank, period.

People are telling me, “Oh but he didn’t put his ball in her glove” …. oh, bloody hell. FOHWTS. You don’t have to steal third base (or home plate?) to be a cheater, but here is the problem. EVERYONE’S definition of cheating is different. Some people don’t consider flirting cheating. Some people don’t think kissing is cheating. Some people don’t think having an ON-LINE AFFAIR is cheating. My definition is: “Anything you cannot do in the presence of your significant other is betrayal and cheating.”If you can’t flirt in front of your partner – you’re cheating. If you can’t kiss the opposite sex in front of your partner – you’re cheating. If you can’t/won’t/don’t let your partner see explicit convos, emails or notes that you’ve sent to a member of the opposite sex – you’re a cheater. Makes sense to me. I’d love to hear other people’s definitions, especially if they greatly differ.

Of course you then get into the whole notion of what’s flirting vs. what isn’t and I suppose that’s where communication in your relationship comes in. You need to speak up and discuss these things before you get your heart too involved in someone else. A lot of dramas and arguments can be avoided this way. It’s basically the easiest way to not having problems. Communication in a relationship is key. At least in my opinion.

Today I asked “him”, “if I was to sleep with another woman, would that be considered cheating?” For the record, I’m not gay (I’m with him) or bi-sexual (though, I find women and their bodies incredibly sexy) but I just wanted to see what his answer would be. He replied: “It’d be cheating no more than if i was to sleep with another man *barf*”.(lol) I got my answer loud and clear. I teased him and said: “Got it. So long as you aren’t there or involved, sleeping with a woman is cheating.”

Believe it or not, I’ve had some people disagree. They say a roll in the hay with a member of the same sex isn’t cheating. Can you believe that one!? Apparently, because there is no penile to vagile penetration, it’s not cheating. Word? If you give yourself physically, emotionally or spiritually (with the exception of God) to anyone but your spouse you are low down and dirty. A snake, even. Don’t kid yourself.

Being faithful is really hard for some people. I don’t understand the need to be unfaithful. Especially if you say you love who you’re with. I’d have more respect for someone if they told me they had lost interest and broke up with me before they cheated. I then have the CHANCE to try and make it right or better somehow. If I can’t salvage it, then sure, I’m hurt but at least I’m not played, you feel me?
This whole idea of “there is no pussy/dick like new pussy/dick” is nothing more than a sad and sorry excuse. If you are putting it down PROPER on your partner … then no amount of new dick or pussy is going to make them stray. This is why I say, ladies, don’t be a hoe in the streets but be your MAN’S hoe. Keep him satisfied. Release your inner freak. If he cheats, don’t let it be because you have a ‘lax pussy. Gentleman …. the same goes for you. (But exchange the word pussy for dick, of course. Ha!)

Cheating this day in age is just much too dangerous. There are too many diseases and infections blowing around in the wind. I’m quite paranoid about them and refuse to put myself in that position. Then of course is the problem of an unwanted pregnancy. You just have to be RESPONSIBLE. If you don’t want a relationship, don’t be in one. Simple, right? Yea, I think so, too. No one forces you to settle down. Just have respect – that is all. Respect for someone else … besides yourself.

I learned this in kindergarten: “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.”Some people need to go back to kindergarten to re-learn some things.

Man, all you need to do is TALK about what cheating is to you. Talk about what the different levels are, if applicable. Avoid the problems and say no to temptation. That hottie with the phat ass .. or that cutie with the solid pecs …… they could be burnin’. Know this. Don’t bring that crap home to the person you say you love.

Otherwise, I can be your first grade school teacher all over again.

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