The Princess Boy

4 January 2011 at 2:20 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , )


As a parent, here are my thoughts.

This would be tough for any mom or dad to deal with initially. It’s not the social norm, it’s odd, its strange BUT when you love your children, you DO NOT stifle them. You can’t stifle a child’s growth and creativity and happiness for YOUR OWN concerns. That is doing way more harm then just letting them be to do what makes them smile. A child will learn early on that mommy and daddy are disappointed in them for a choice they made. Wearing a dress isn’t harming ANYONE, least of all you. You may not LIKE it but what harm is it REALLY doing? In a couple of years he may grow out of it entirely and it’s all been a phase. No harm no foul but if you stifle that, the ramifications of doing so will NOT go away in 2 years but will remain for life. If your son is wearing dresses and you are encouraging it and he ends up coming out as gay later in life, then it wasn’t because you encouraged him to wear these dresses but because he was BORN gay and knew that if you accepted that, you will accept him. Boys play with Barbies and dolls all the time, especially if they have sisters. They want to be included and do things they see other children doing -PERIOD.

My opinion is that you are born gay and not CHOOSING a lifestyle that’s picked apart, judged, and ostracized by society. Who would choose that? Besides, I don’t remember ever choosing to be straight, so …. but this is another blog in and of itself.

At the end of the day, let a child blossom and grow and explore and discover. Don’t put YOUR ADULT outlook on life on a child’s outlook on life. YOUR life experiences differ greatly from a child’s and to put that onto them isn’t fair. You can SAY its just you protecting them but no, you are being selfish and doing what YOU want to do. Protecting them is letting them be who they are and sheltering them from OTHERS that may not agree. A child needs refuge and respite within their family. Outsiders may try to bring them down or make them feel less than who they are but as PARENTS its our job to protect them. THAT is protection. It’s very easy for people who don’t have children come out and say what they would do in a situation like this, and you don’t discount their opinion … you can’t. It will show you what kind of parent they will become BUT at the same time it’s very difficult to understand wanting to sacrifice everything for your child because it’s a love like you’ve never felt before. And because of that, the opinion is just that – an opinion. Not reality.

My favourite part of the broadcast is when the mother speaks about studies showing that children get most excited and independent about the clothes they wear and pick out and how they are so proud when they can dress themselves. She is VERY right. That rebuttal to Meredith’s question was on point.

This world is becoming one of tolerance and acceptance but there’s still a long way to go.

What are your thoughts on this topic? I’d love to open up discussion.

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Change Is NOT A One-Day Realization: Happy New Year!

1 January 2011 at 2:14 pm (Life) (, , , , , , , , )


First and foremost, I want to wish my readers a wonderful and blessed 2011. I hope you all strive to gain love, understanding, success and peace in your lives this year and always.

Now, I’m not knocking anyone for their choice to make a New Years resolution but people need to realize and understand that change doesn’t happen because the clock hits 11:59 or 12:01. Change happens everyday of your life and if you wait for a specific day to change, you’re setting yourself up for failure because you’ve already enveloped yourself in an invisible cloak of pressure to uphold whatever it is you vowed to do.

The most MAJOR change I wanted in 2011, I went about making a couple of months ago and for the sake of my mental health, emotional mind state and overall general health it was THE best decision I had to make. I wanted my 2011 to be a fresh start, drama free and removing him from my life made that possible. I entered 2011 with a head start on a new outlook on what I want out of life and I couldn’t have done that with the pressures of living up to a promise I made just because it was January 1.

See, me? The only thing I’m resolving to do this year is to continue to grow. Continue to evolve and better myself. As I get closer to my 30’s, I see the importance of staying true to who I’ve become and who I’ve worked hard to mold in my 20’s but you can always grow and evolve and learn and change – it’s an ongoing process. Not a one-day realization.

You can wake up one morning and just be FED UP of all the crap and want to make a difference in your life. You can soul search and think about what needs to be done differently. There’s nothing wrong with doing this in May or September. I know people tend to think about things more as the holidays come around and the year draws to an end but self-reflection doesn’t need to happen once a year. You should always look in the mirror. You should always have conversations with yourself. You should always be checking in with your life’s plan to see if you’re still on the path and if you’ve diverted, double back and start again. We’re only human. We aren’t perfect. In order to be great we have to fall and make mistakes but the key is to learn from them and come back two times stronger. Hell, THREE times stronger. The only person you have to answer to is yourself (and of course, your God, if you believe in a higher power).

Always know that if you make a resolution and you don’t hold to it by the end of the month, it’s not because you failed so much as you put too much pressure on yourself to begin with. Start small and build. Take each day one day at a time. Especially if you’re a 20-something reading this. I’ve BEEN there. Trust me when I say, you WILL screw up more than you will succeed in your 20’s. They’re ALL about growing and learning and finding out where you want to be in life and who you are as a person. This is why I cannot WAIT to leave my 20’s behind. As much as I learned they were NOT kind to me. So much back and forth and waste of years on things and people who really had NO bearing on where I need to be in life. Now that I’m aware of all these things I want to sit back and enjoy what I learned, reflect on those mistakes and laugh because they’ll never be made again. Life is too short and you can say this all the time but until it hits you for real, you don’t know the true meaning of living each day as if it was your last.

Wishing you all the best for 2011  and just remember, you can ALWAYS evoke changes in your life. EveryDAY if need be. LIVE.YOUR.LIFE. And love your life.

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Big News! Suge Knight Arrested For the Death Of Tupac Shakur

29 December 2010 at 8:14 pm (Celebrity, Music, News, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , )


UPDATE: Apparently this video is fake. I thought it was weird because of the 2 different news stories but I figured it was just bad editing on the part of the person that uploaded it. SMH. People have way too much time on their hands =/

This story is still developing but watch this:

Be sure to check back for updates! If this is true, they can go on ahead and throw the book at Suge Knight. Far as I’m concerned he didn’t just kill Pac, he killed hip hop.

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Lenny Kravitz Remembers Teena Marie

27 December 2010 at 1:15 pm (Celebrity, Music) (, )



She took him in as a youth and mentored him. He says she changed his life. This is heartbreaking.

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R.I.P To the Legendary & Soulful Ms. Teena Marie

26 December 2010 at 9:59 pm (Celebrity, Entertainment, Music, Throwbacks, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , )


CNN has just confirmed what so many of us have been worried about on twitter for the past couple of hours. Teena Marie has died.

Source

This story is still developing. Please check back.

May her family and loved ones be embraced by God’s love at this time. God bless her. Rest in Peace, homegirl.

 

UPDATE:

(CNN) — Teena Marie, a celebrated R&B singer-songwriter, was found dead Sunday at her California home, her manager said.

Born Mary Christine Brockert in Santa Monica, California, the 54-year-old artist famously paired with late funk legend Rick James and was nominated four times for a Grammy Award, according to her official website.

Marie was found dead by her daughter after apparently dying in her sleep, manager Mike Gardner said.

“Teena was a black voice trapped in a white body,” said Cathy Hughes, founder of Radio One, a broadcasting company that targets African-American and urban listeners. “I would always tell her that she was one of the greatest vocalists of our time.”

Among her songs were “Lovergirl,” “Portuguese Love,” “Ooo La La La,” and “I’m a Sucker for Your Love.”

While no cause of death has been released, the singer’s publicist Lynn Jeter said that Marie suffered a grand mal seizure — a neurological event, marked by loss of consciousness and violent muscle contractions, according to the Mayo Clinic — a month ago.

“Luckily, someone was there,” Jeter said of that seizure. “The ambulance took her to the hospital, and on the way she had another seizure.”

The publicist said that she had a “great” conversation on Saturday with Marie, who told her that she was excited about heading to Atlanta to perform this week — in what would have been her first performance since the seizure.

Marie sang under various record labels, including Motown, Epic and Cash Money Classics, since bursting on the scene as a 19-year-old, according to her website. Her most recent album, Sapphire, features collaborations with Smokey Robinson, Kurupt and Gerald Albright.

Eddie Levert, founder of the vocal group The O’Jays, praised Marie as both a singer and mother.

“There are a lot of black people who swore by her and believed in her, as far as her music was concerned,” he said. “She was a good mom, and to me, that is saying a lot.” SOURCE

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The Dreaded Friendzone

26 December 2010 at 6:48 pm (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


Wikipedia describes the friendzone as: “The friend zone, or friendship zone, is a popular psychology concept found in many pseudo-psychology texts providing dating advice to a male audience. The term friend zone refers to the situation where the female has begun to view a male as a friend only and not as a romantic partner, a psychological classification supposedly exceptionally difficult to undo.”

Hmmm.

Do men have friendzones, too or is this solely a female thing? Is there a way to escape it? Do people use it as a means to avoid commitment? What exactly can you do to avoid it? Let’s discuss, shall we!

Women have no problem getting sex. Men want sex at anytime, with (almost) anyone, anywhere. Women, while we may love sex just as much as men (and sometimes more), don’t always want sex at anytime, with (almost anyone), anywhere. We get to choose when we want it and men HAVE no choice but to follow. Because of this, we are more likely to make a guy our friend rather than our man or lover.

Further to my last post about men and women being friends, the friendzone is a very tricky topic. I’ll try to say what I need to without sounding contradictory BUT in any event, I have a friendzone and it’s not full. Why? Because I don’t believe men and women can be friends – lol! If I DO use it, I use it as its supposed to be used and I don’t put a man there unless there is definitely a reason for him to be there. MY criteria is simple. If there is NO WAY in Hell that I’m attracted to you in ANY way (physically, spiritually, emotionally) then you’ll be easily put in the friendzone. Since I tend to have varying types of men I’m attracted to it’s not likely you’ll be in there based on that criteria BUT it’s been known to happen. I don’t have a lot of ugly men as “friends” or that try to talk to me so if we date and just don’t click that’s one thing but to have NO connection on any level just doesn’t make sense for me to put you in the friendzone. If I can’t connect with you in a way other than physical attractiveness what is the point of you being in my life at all? I’ve been, MANY TIMES OVER, attracted to a male friend of mine. I usually first meet a guy and we talk as friends and there’s always an attraction. Once we’ve “gone there” (whether dating or physical intimacy) its hard to maintain a friendship thus again, there’s no point in you being in the friendzone or in my life, period. My other criteria is, if you’ve been a friend to me or are an ex that I’ve maintained contact with but disrespected me somehow and we stopped talking for a period of time but I eventually got over it and forgave you, we can be friends again. Only, this time around I’ll wish to keep you at arm’s length and decide to never, ever, date or engage with you physically again. The guys in my friendzone are USUALLY from this group. Lastly, if a man is in the friendzone not due to the other two reasons it’s because of the fact that he knowingly (or unknowingly) put HIMSELF there. I cannot share how that happens because it’s a secret and if I share that knowledge a lot of guys that I know and talk to casually will now be “hip” as to why they get no play from me. Hahaha!

I don’t think men can have a friendzone. Well … hmm. They CAN but maybe not the way it’s meant to be. You ever hear a guy say something like “Oh, well I just see her as my sister” ? or “She’s just a homegirl. Nothing will EVER happen between us” ? Well, that’s hodge podge to me. A guy will usually dip into his “friendzone” now and then if getting women becomes a chore or he’s hit a dry spell. Therefore, it’s not really a friendzone he has but a Plan B Group. Back up, if you will. A back up for those lonely, cold nights that he’s tired of having.

When it comes to putting a man in the friendzone, he should be there for a specific reason and no matter what a man does or says, he cannot escape it. WOMEN control their pussy and who they give it to. A man can beg, plead, wine & dine and promise a woman the world but if she wants nothing to do with him and her mind is definitely made up about this, he will NOT escape it. It’s better if he just gives up and leaves well enough alone then to fight it and try to get out. He can leave of his own volition but that means severing ties with the woman  that placed him there. Most men are very aware of the position  they’re in. They KNOW they’re in the friendzone and either they’re OK with being there or they just want a challenge  to see if they can get whats forbidden. Just in case you DON’T know you’re in the friendzone, I’ll let you know. If you are thought of as her brother – you’re in the friendzone. If you do a lot of things for her out of kindness but you are never rewarded with her telling you her feelings, giving you any sex or she treats you like a doormat – you’re in the friendzone.  If she talks to you about her “man” problems and constantly refers to you as such a nice guy but she’s not trying to make you HER nice guy exclusively – you’re in the friendzone. If you ask her out and she says she “doesn’t want to damage the friendship” – you’re in the friendzone.

There are women though that don’t stand behind the things they say and mean and for those men lucky enough to be placed in THAT farce of a friendzone you DO have ways to escape it. But you need to know what kind of female does this and what she’s about to make this deduction and since most men don’t “get” women, they’ll never see it. However, if you come across a chick like this, PLEASE know you’re dealing with an amateur here – I guarantee you. She’s probably needy and thinks she has power over men but really wants someone to love her and her game isn’t as strong as she’d like you to believe. For those men that think they’re in THAT kind of friendzone, here are some tips you can use to “escape” it. These tips are also good for men that want to avoid being put into the friendzone in the first place:

  1. Never express your feelings directly
  2. Flip the table and YOU be the first to tell HER you just want to be friends
  3. Don’t make yourself available to her every beck and call
  4. Date other women – she’ll see what she’s missing
  5. Ask HER opinion about the women you’re meeting
  6. Be consistent in your treatment of her – treat her like the girlfriend you want her to be (WITHOUT being her bitch and a doormat)
  7. Don’t be so predictable. Make her expect the unexpected
  8. Understand there’s a difference between wanting her and needing her and act accordingly
  9. If you have a fuck buddy or a fling don’t let THAT come between the two of you
  10. Prove that you can understand there’s a difference between sex and love and be able to show that you are capable of having sex with a connection

Unless you are seriously trying to be out of the friendzone and you want a relationship with her, DON’T try these tips because it’s not fair to play games and take advantage of her knowing she doesn’t want you in that way. If it’s just sex from her that you want, you have a better shot just being honest and saying it. If she just wants sex too, then you’re good to go but if she doesn’t, there’s PLENTY other women out there to choose from. The point of you using these tips to get what you want, sexually, and you not wanting a relationship from her is probably why your low-life ass is in her friendzone to begin with!

I feel bad for good men that get stuck in the friendzone and this is why I put those tips up there. SOME men don’t deserve to be there and SOME women are just BAD at judging character and not knowing what they want. A woman is only human and she makes mistakes. If she’s not seeing in you what you know you can give her then SHOW her. But again, if you don’t want to be out for the RIGHT reasons then STAY  there or move on. We’re talking man vs. boy actions now.

On twitter, a guy and I were talking about this and he said he doesn’t trust the men in a woman’s friendzone and that he’d trust the girl but not the guys. In reply, I told him its futile to worry about these men, because if a woman doesn’t want the guy he’ll never have her so he can try to run all kinds of interference but NOTHING will work. I mean that. I stand by that BUT I can see his point because I don’t trust women in the friendzone either. For possibly a different reason but its the same outcome. I just know that girls with an amazing friendship with MY man already have an advantage over me and already share a great amount of history with him and one would be crazy to NOT be wary of that. Those kind of situations make for a very scary “what if” when they are alone and that “moment” happens for them. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Some women use the friendzone as a means to avoid commitment. They throw guys in there left and right because they’ve been so badly hurt by men that they can’t build successful relationship with the opposite sex. They’re worried about letting a man in only to be let down and disappointed so they enjoy having that male figure around and all the perks without getting close and having the drama and problems introducing sex into the mix can bring.

A lot of women simply just want to fall in love with their male friend. Those friendships are the best ones to turn into romantic relationships because they are based on much more than just a quick fling or emotionless sex but because men and women are wired differently this gets lost in translation. Communication and timing are so important. Sometimes you just can’t help how you feel about someone (whether you return their feelings or not) but when you have someone who is a good friend to you and you know them well, you should explore what they could add to your life. You really have nothing to lose and depending on where you’re at in life, what’s so wrong about trying it out? Men look for a mate in all the wrong places and tend to overlook the girl they view as “just a friend” and end up in crap, door-revolving relationships. Women do this, too BUT I truly believe women, when looking for a life partner, would sooner date their friend over just any ol’ guy they meet. Men, I don’t believe would do this. Of course, this isn’t ALWAYS the case, but it’s definitely something I know my friends and I deal with on a regular basis, so there has to be SOME truth to it.

At the end of the day, the friendzone is a place you don’t WANT to be if you truly care about the person that put you there. If there’s even an INKLING of hope of getting out, then you need to self reflect and give yourself the honest truth as to why you’re there in the first place. As a warning to all men out there, you don’t ever have to be put in the friendzone if you do right by women. If you are honest and forthcoming and you SPEAK about things you can do yourself a great service. If anything, avoid it at all costs before you’re even placed there – that is the best way to “escape” it.

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I’m Still Talking Shit About This Play

26 December 2010 at 3:31 pm (Entertainment, Funny Things, Life, Random, Sports, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Eagles. All. Day.

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[Video]: Repeat – KJ

26 December 2010 at 3:17 pm (Entertainment, Heavy Rotation, Music, Toronto Life, Videos) (, , , , )


I’m late. But that’s alright. Shouts to Sajae for putting me on. Toronto, stand up!

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Men and Women Cannot Be Friends – Do You (Dis)Agree?

26 December 2010 at 2:58 pm (Love & Relationships) (, )


OK. So I’m re-visiting this topic.

I’ve always gone back and forth with this but I’ve made up my mind. For once and for all I do NOT believe men and women can be friends. You’ll remember back in 2009 I said they could with an exception and laid out an EXACT reason as to why (given my relationship with a guy friend at THAT time) – smh … This is a testament to never writing about something in the heat of the moment, because when you look back, you’ll  realize your opinion is jaded and biased. LOL.

NO, he and I didn’t mess around and yes, we’re still friends BUT at this point we’re closer to being good acquaintances more than actual friends. He went and got into a relationship and pretty much forgot about the “friendship” I was so quick to revere. Clearly, we weighed it differently. I don’t know if he did it out of respect for his new girlfriend (whether she asked him to or not) or I just wasn’t as important a friend to him as I thought. Who knows. But in any event, THAT in and of itself is a topic I’ll be talking about VERY soon (“friends” disappearing once they get into a relationship).

ANYWAY, here is the stance I now take on male/female platonic friendships and will stand by until the day I die. And the ONLY exceptions to this rule are if your male or female friend of the opposite sex is gay, your friend is stupid Flava Flav level ugly OR you’ve already “WENT THERE” (wink, wink) with them.

Ladies, I don’t care WHAT you say, if you have male friends in your life right now, chances are they will fuck you if given the chance. They don’t even have to be drunk. Though, if they look at you like a little sister, a little vodka may be needed (especially, the morning after when they feel like they’ve committed an incestual act.) Men are DRIVEN by their hormones and if pussy if thrown at them (maybe not the first time but after a while) they WILL act on it. Why wouldn’t they? Men, if you have a female friend and she’s been your little sister forever, chances are she may not want to fuck you, she’ll probably want to marry you or have hopes that ONE day you’ll see what’s in front of your face and realize that she’s MORE than just a homegirl.

A lot of these situations will not happen over night. If there is a TRUE friendship that’s been developing over years then both parties are probably worried about damaging that and all the what ifs that will come along with acting on their desires BUT they will inevitably happen. Trust me. Two heterosexual, attractive people who share life experiences with each other and hang out all the time are BOUND to have thoughts about the other.

I believe if men and women just have sex (even once) and never re-visit that area again, they could be friends. The curiosity is out-of-the-way and they don’t have to wonder what if because they already know. BUT that proves my point that men and women can’t be friends (until AFTER the fact). I suppose if the sex came before a friendship this could be the case but that’s really rare. A lot of women, in all our emotional grandeur, cannot handle being with a man sexually (as most of us can’t separate love and sex) and then not being with him romantically. Nevermind seeing him with someone else and knowing this new chick has what you COULD’VE had with him had you not slept with him so soon. Yea …. that’s REALLY rare.

What are your thoughts, though. This topic ALWAYS gets great responses. Most people don’t think of certain things until someone else puts it out there for them to think about so offer up something for me to counteract my thoughts 😉 I dare you lol.

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Holding Onto The Past

26 December 2010 at 2:21 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


How many of us hang onto something that isn’t good for us solely because we’re used to it? Because we’re comfortable there? Because knowing what to expect far outweighs our fear of the unknown? Because its familiar?

I’m guilty of all of the above. As a matter of fact, I did it for three years. I basically felt like, well, even though I’m not being treated or respected as I should be at least I KNOW what I’m going to get. Why not just stick it out and hope and pray it gets better? Why start over with someone else who I have no idea what he’s thinking or what his intentions are? What a waste of my time, I’d say.

WRONG. Pump the brakes. ERKS. Sound the buzzer. I couldn’t have been more backasswards if I tried. I took a lot of the last quarter if 2010 to do some deep thinking about life. Specifically mine of course but also in general.

I looked at why we hold onto people and things of the past that really have no bearing on who we are today or who we want to be tomorrow. It made me look at grudges, the blame game, baggage, holding onto the “all men are dogs” vs. “all women are sluts” mentality. I looked at why we make our partner of today pay for the partner of yesterday’s mistakes.

The one thing that I kept going back to as the #1 reason why we do this has nothing to do with THEM … it’s all to do with US. We just don’t know how to break away and take accountability for our own actions. People only allow treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.

The fact we’ve been with them so long, have shared deep dark conversations, secrets and life experiences all make for such a familiar comfort zone that we don’t want to just up and leave and start to re-create with someone else.

I’m well aware that we all will have that ONE person we always go back to and will always have that special place in our heart for and those are the very people I’m referring to. At what point do we have to just say enough is enough? Dancing the tango for years and years before we decide to finally let go can leave us with calloused feet and thick ankles, in conjunction with weaker hearts and shortness of breath.  I looked at it quite simply and said, I’d think that the person I love wouldn’t have me dancing for years. They wouldn’t enjoy seeing me riding rollercoasters for years making me eternally sick  to my stomach with apprehension and worry about which loop-d-loop and drop is going to come next. We’d argue ad disagree but healthily so. But more than anything, they’d protect me. They’d carry me off the dance floor and rather than ride roller coasters, they’d play the ring toss and win me a stuffed animal.

Here’s the problem: if we don’t put our foot down and sternly say, this isn’t what we signed up for, this isn’t how you’re going to treat me, WHY wouldn’t that person stop acting the way they do? Sure, they should be their own person and should treat someone how they want to be treated (Golden Rule #1 of JK) but there are things in this world you just CANNOT control – least of all someone elses actions. Most people are selfish and stuck in their ways and with the way the world is headed, looking out for self is the be all and end all of human nature. NO ONE is going to look out for you, anymore. Those days are gone! You can only control your own actions and if the person you love isn’t mature enough to see that what they are doing is hurting or disrespecting you, then YOU need to change how you allow them to treat you. If they still don’t change their actions, then you need to move on because that person just exhibited to you, unequivocally, that you’re not important enough to change for. Or at the very least compromise with.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. This person can STILL always be “THAT” person for you but you don’t have to put all your blood, sweat and tears into them. You can be free and still hold onto memories (the good ones) and one day when you meet someone else who exemplifies all the things “THAT” person was to you AND MORE, you’ll be able to look back fondly and say “Why the HELL didn’t I move on sooner?”

The longer you hold on to what could’ve been, the more you’re taking away precious time from what’s to come.

Remember that.

Life is just way too short to keep someone around that doesn’t feel for you the way you do for them. And hoping they’ll come around is doing nothing but turning YOU bitter and mistrustful. People are who they are. Accept them as such or leave them behind when they aren’t who you hope them to be.

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