Snooping Rather That Communicating

15 January 2011 at 2:11 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , )


Well, well, well. I was on a forum recently where this topic came up and I was shocked this wasn’t something I had written about on here ever. If I have its evading me right now. I have a LOT of experience with this – LOL.

Anyway, what I’m talking about right now is snooping in the relationship. Snooping through your partners phones, emails, pockets and social network accounts. Is this right or wrong? When, if ever, is it acceptable? Does everyone do it? And how can this be avoided, if at all.

A lot of people will say they don’t snoop through their partners’ things but we all have at one time or another. If you say you haven’t then I guess you are better than the rest of us. Women, especially, will try to say they haven’t, in order to look like it’s below them to do such a thing but the ones adamantly saying they haven’t are usually the ones that have. I’ll be honest, I’ve done it. I’m not proud of it but I’ve done it. Men, will say they haven’t simply because snooping is a “female trait” but how WRONG they are. I’ve dealt with and heard the most stories of men that snoop through their girls’ private life to find out things about her whereabouts and actions. At the end of the day, men AND women are guilty of this. Where does it stem from? Insecurity? Many people will say yes but personally, I feel like if you don’t give me a reason to snoop I won’t feel I have to. Bottom line. That’s nothing to do with insecurity. Your job in a relationship is to keep that other person feeling like they are the only one in your life, that they mean a lot to you, that they are special. If both people do their jobs, snooping will never, ever be an issue, unless the person IS just crazy and insecure and nothing you do appeases them, but if that’s the case you have a BIGGER problem on your hands. Anyway, I’m rambling ….

Here’s the thing, folks. We all know invasion of privacy is wrong. We all know if we had someone going through OUR shit, we’d be livid and feel disrespected and mistrusted, thus, we know snooping is wrong. BUT, is it EVER justified? I’ll be the first person to say, without apology, that it sure is. Again, it’s not RIGHT or acceptable but a lot of things aren’t “right” or acceptable and people do them everyday. So long as you have a legitimate reason to go looking for proof of infidelity or deceit then I say do what you have to do.

BUT ….

This should only be a last resort, people. This is ONLY something you should do if you have asked your partner about their behaviours or secrecies prior. You cannot just, out of nowhere, feel you’re going to go through your partners’ phone and emails because you have a hunch or are  having an insecure day. You can’t do this. There’s no justification there. None. BUT, if your partner has been acting shady or weird or is keeping secrets from you then you should talk to them about it. Voice your concerns with things you are noticing or seeing. Depending on HOW you approach the situation and WHAT you say, if there is nothing to hide, your partner will not take offense – it will be a conversation and not a confrontation. He/she may even SHOW you there is nothing to worry about. At this point you mind is at ease and if the trust is there, that will be good enough for you. If the trust ISN’T there, chances are you will need to ASK them to see there’s nothing to hide. This can go three ways:

1. your partner will let you see and nothing will be found. The problem with this is even though you weren’t accusatory they now feel they aren’t trusted and may withdraw from you even more.

2. your partner may have nothing to hide but they feel mistrusted and are offended you would ask them to see their private interactions with other people. This type of person usually doesn’t in ANY way understand why they were asked in the first place. They’re oblivious to their own behaviours, usually.

3. They have everything to hide and will manipulate the situation to make you feel bad about even asking. They will turn it around on you to make you feel like YOU are in the wrong. They’ll make you feel like you’re crazy and insecure and even though you know you aren’t these things, you will start to feel like maybe they’re right. They will NOT show you anything and based on their adamant and belligerent response you know something is going on. So, you are left to take matters into your own hands. #3 was my last relationship.

The thing is, communication is and should work every time but that’s not always the case. It takes TWO people to communicate and if both parties don’t feel the same away about it, there’s no point. It has to be noted that when you go looking for things, you WILL find them. If you’re convinced your partner is cheating or doing things with other women you will not stop until you find that proof. This leads us to the bigger problem. If you feel this strongly about your significant other than that should say a LOT about the strength and status of your relationship. You cannot be in a healthy and loving relationship constantly thinking you need to be looking in your woman’s phone. You cannot be in a healthy and loving relationship constantly thinking your man is devoting attention you deserve to other women on social networking sites.

While snooping can be a problem, the bigger issue is that you have no trust in your relationship and what is a relationship without trust?

I’ve always said, if I snoop and find nothing I’ll leave it alone but what am I going to do? Change that whenever another situation comes up? Of course not. I’d go crazy. BUT, if my man isn’t willing to make me feel secure to the point where I’d never even have to DREAM of going through his things (as I of course would do for him in return) then why am I with him? No one wants to be accused of doing shady things behind their partners’ backs but at the same time NO ONE wants to be anyone’s fool and played for a sucker.

Take yourself for example, look at YOUR actions – if you’ve never done anything to make your man/woman feel like they need to snoop and they have, then this is an issue of theirs and you need to figure out if you can deal with someone like that. If your actions ARE questionable then no it doesn’t make their snooping excusable but their reasoning for doing it CAN be justified. If you don’t want to be checked up on then change your behaviours.  Simple. No one is right or wrong. No one wins in this situation.

I still say talking things out is always better. I still say if you’re gonna really go snooping, make sure you’ve exhausted all your other options. I still say if you plan on being with someone you have to constantly check up on, then you probably need to find someone else. And I still say, snooping isn’t as wrong as anyone thinks – provided there’s just cause.

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A Video EVERY Black Woman (and Black Men For That Matter) MUST SEE!

15 January 2011 at 1:12 pm (Family, Life, Love & Relationships, Raves) (, , , , , )


The exponential amount of truth in this video is outstanding. It’s a harsh reality StatuesqueOne portrays but SOMEONE needs to say it. SOMEONE needs to be the person to spell that shit out. Black women, we have ALL been guilty of this at one time or another. Black men, you need to watch this to understand us and feel where we’re coming from. Black women please watch this .. I guarantee you it will NOT be a wasted 10 minutes but an EYE-OPENING 10 minutes. We need to change how society looks at and regards us. No one else will so we have to.

“You must command respect in order to never have to DEMAND it. This is quiet power.”

All comments and discussion are welcome.

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Homeless Man Offered A Job By the Cleveland Cavs

5 January 2011 at 2:57 pm (Entertainment, Life, News, Raves, Sports, Televison) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


I’m a bit late on this but this is a brief interview with a man claiming to have a God-given voice for radio and it’s not just a claim … it’s a FACT. His name is Ted Williams, he is currently homeless. Here he explains his life story briefly in just under a minute.

The video on YouTube has garnered over 4 million views in just over 24 hours. Talk about viral! Amazing!

Since the video made its way around the world, I’m happy to report that Ted has received an offer of not just a full-time job but also a mortgage on a home by the Cleveland Cavaliers. The story is below:

Ted Williams, a homeless man who is the subject of viral video that has captivated the internet at large, has been offered a full-time job and a mortgage on a home by Quicken Loans Arena and the Cleveland Cavaliers.

A woman named Tracy, representing Quicken Loans and the Cavaliers, called WNCI 97.9 on Wednesday morning and made the offer. CNBC’s Darren Rovell confirmed the authenticity of the offer on Twitter. Williams was inundated with offers throughout his appearance, so there is no word whether the offer has been accepted or signed at this point.

Williams story became a viral sensation on Tuesday with the original YouTube clip reaching more than four million views in 24 hours. He was found by a Columbus Dispatch reporter on the side of the road, using his incredible voice to collect money on the street. You can watch the original clip here.

The Cavaliers and Quicken Loans Arena are offering voiceover work in radio and television along with a new website launch that will require voiceover work from Williams.

You can hear the interview with Ted Williams on WNCI by clicking here.

The Cavaliers offer does not figure to be the last one that Williams receives. According to Rovell on Twitter, NFL Films is looking to contact the man dubbed the “Homeless D.J.” about work. Williams is also sorting through numerous opportunities for other appearance on national TV and radio, which could result in further offers in the days to come. [Source]

I can only imagine if this all works out a movie on this mans’ life will soon follow. I love GOOD news like this. It lifts my spirits and reiterates that there are still good and deserving people in this world. God bless him.

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The Princess Boy

4 January 2011 at 2:20 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , )


As a parent, here are my thoughts.

This would be tough for any mom or dad to deal with initially. It’s not the social norm, it’s odd, its strange BUT when you love your children, you DO NOT stifle them. You can’t stifle a child’s growth and creativity and happiness for YOUR OWN concerns. That is doing way more harm then just letting them be to do what makes them smile. A child will learn early on that mommy and daddy are disappointed in them for a choice they made. Wearing a dress isn’t harming ANYONE, least of all you. You may not LIKE it but what harm is it REALLY doing? In a couple of years he may grow out of it entirely and it’s all been a phase. No harm no foul but if you stifle that, the ramifications of doing so will NOT go away in 2 years but will remain for life. If your son is wearing dresses and you are encouraging it and he ends up coming out as gay later in life, then it wasn’t because you encouraged him to wear these dresses but because he was BORN gay and knew that if you accepted that, you will accept him. Boys play with Barbies and dolls all the time, especially if they have sisters. They want to be included and do things they see other children doing -PERIOD.

My opinion is that you are born gay and not CHOOSING a lifestyle that’s picked apart, judged, and ostracized by society. Who would choose that? Besides, I don’t remember ever choosing to be straight, so …. but this is another blog in and of itself.

At the end of the day, let a child blossom and grow and explore and discover. Don’t put YOUR ADULT outlook on life on a child’s outlook on life. YOUR life experiences differ greatly from a child’s and to put that onto them isn’t fair. You can SAY its just you protecting them but no, you are being selfish and doing what YOU want to do. Protecting them is letting them be who they are and sheltering them from OTHERS that may not agree. A child needs refuge and respite within their family. Outsiders may try to bring them down or make them feel less than who they are but as PARENTS its our job to protect them. THAT is protection. It’s very easy for people who don’t have children come out and say what they would do in a situation like this, and you don’t discount their opinion … you can’t. It will show you what kind of parent they will become BUT at the same time it’s very difficult to understand wanting to sacrifice everything for your child because it’s a love like you’ve never felt before. And because of that, the opinion is just that – an opinion. Not reality.

My favourite part of the broadcast is when the mother speaks about studies showing that children get most excited and independent about the clothes they wear and pick out and how they are so proud when they can dress themselves. She is VERY right. That rebuttal to Meredith’s question was on point.

This world is becoming one of tolerance and acceptance but there’s still a long way to go.

What are your thoughts on this topic? I’d love to open up discussion.

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Change Is NOT A One-Day Realization: Happy New Year!

1 January 2011 at 2:14 pm (Life) (, , , , , , , , )


First and foremost, I want to wish my readers a wonderful and blessed 2011. I hope you all strive to gain love, understanding, success and peace in your lives this year and always.

Now, I’m not knocking anyone for their choice to make a New Years resolution but people need to realize and understand that change doesn’t happen because the clock hits 11:59 or 12:01. Change happens everyday of your life and if you wait for a specific day to change, you’re setting yourself up for failure because you’ve already enveloped yourself in an invisible cloak of pressure to uphold whatever it is you vowed to do.

The most MAJOR change I wanted in 2011, I went about making a couple of months ago and for the sake of my mental health, emotional mind state and overall general health it was THE best decision I had to make. I wanted my 2011 to be a fresh start, drama free and removing him from my life made that possible. I entered 2011 with a head start on a new outlook on what I want out of life and I couldn’t have done that with the pressures of living up to a promise I made just because it was January 1.

See, me? The only thing I’m resolving to do this year is to continue to grow. Continue to evolve and better myself. As I get closer to my 30’s, I see the importance of staying true to who I’ve become and who I’ve worked hard to mold in my 20’s but you can always grow and evolve and learn and change – it’s an ongoing process. Not a one-day realization.

You can wake up one morning and just be FED UP of all the crap and want to make a difference in your life. You can soul search and think about what needs to be done differently. There’s nothing wrong with doing this in May or September. I know people tend to think about things more as the holidays come around and the year draws to an end but self-reflection doesn’t need to happen once a year. You should always look in the mirror. You should always have conversations with yourself. You should always be checking in with your life’s plan to see if you’re still on the path and if you’ve diverted, double back and start again. We’re only human. We aren’t perfect. In order to be great we have to fall and make mistakes but the key is to learn from them and come back two times stronger. Hell, THREE times stronger. The only person you have to answer to is yourself (and of course, your God, if you believe in a higher power).

Always know that if you make a resolution and you don’t hold to it by the end of the month, it’s not because you failed so much as you put too much pressure on yourself to begin with. Start small and build. Take each day one day at a time. Especially if you’re a 20-something reading this. I’ve BEEN there. Trust me when I say, you WILL screw up more than you will succeed in your 20’s. They’re ALL about growing and learning and finding out where you want to be in life and who you are as a person. This is why I cannot WAIT to leave my 20’s behind. As much as I learned they were NOT kind to me. So much back and forth and waste of years on things and people who really had NO bearing on where I need to be in life. Now that I’m aware of all these things I want to sit back and enjoy what I learned, reflect on those mistakes and laugh because they’ll never be made again. Life is too short and you can say this all the time but until it hits you for real, you don’t know the true meaning of living each day as if it was your last.

Wishing you all the best for 2011  and just remember, you can ALWAYS evoke changes in your life. EveryDAY if need be. LIVE.YOUR.LIFE. And love your life.

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I’m Still Talking Shit About This Play

26 December 2010 at 3:31 pm (Entertainment, Funny Things, Life, Random, Sports, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Eagles. All. Day.

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Holding Onto The Past

26 December 2010 at 2:21 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


How many of us hang onto something that isn’t good for us solely because we’re used to it? Because we’re comfortable there? Because knowing what to expect far outweighs our fear of the unknown? Because its familiar?

I’m guilty of all of the above. As a matter of fact, I did it for three years. I basically felt like, well, even though I’m not being treated or respected as I should be at least I KNOW what I’m going to get. Why not just stick it out and hope and pray it gets better? Why start over with someone else who I have no idea what he’s thinking or what his intentions are? What a waste of my time, I’d say.

WRONG. Pump the brakes. ERKS. Sound the buzzer. I couldn’t have been more backasswards if I tried. I took a lot of the last quarter if 2010 to do some deep thinking about life. Specifically mine of course but also in general.

I looked at why we hold onto people and things of the past that really have no bearing on who we are today or who we want to be tomorrow. It made me look at grudges, the blame game, baggage, holding onto the “all men are dogs” vs. “all women are sluts” mentality. I looked at why we make our partner of today pay for the partner of yesterday’s mistakes.

The one thing that I kept going back to as the #1 reason why we do this has nothing to do with THEM … it’s all to do with US. We just don’t know how to break away and take accountability for our own actions. People only allow treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.

The fact we’ve been with them so long, have shared deep dark conversations, secrets and life experiences all make for such a familiar comfort zone that we don’t want to just up and leave and start to re-create with someone else.

I’m well aware that we all will have that ONE person we always go back to and will always have that special place in our heart for and those are the very people I’m referring to. At what point do we have to just say enough is enough? Dancing the tango for years and years before we decide to finally let go can leave us with calloused feet and thick ankles, in conjunction with weaker hearts and shortness of breath.  I looked at it quite simply and said, I’d think that the person I love wouldn’t have me dancing for years. They wouldn’t enjoy seeing me riding rollercoasters for years making me eternally sick  to my stomach with apprehension and worry about which loop-d-loop and drop is going to come next. We’d argue ad disagree but healthily so. But more than anything, they’d protect me. They’d carry me off the dance floor and rather than ride roller coasters, they’d play the ring toss and win me a stuffed animal.

Here’s the problem: if we don’t put our foot down and sternly say, this isn’t what we signed up for, this isn’t how you’re going to treat me, WHY wouldn’t that person stop acting the way they do? Sure, they should be their own person and should treat someone how they want to be treated (Golden Rule #1 of JK) but there are things in this world you just CANNOT control – least of all someone elses actions. Most people are selfish and stuck in their ways and with the way the world is headed, looking out for self is the be all and end all of human nature. NO ONE is going to look out for you, anymore. Those days are gone! You can only control your own actions and if the person you love isn’t mature enough to see that what they are doing is hurting or disrespecting you, then YOU need to change how you allow them to treat you. If they still don’t change their actions, then you need to move on because that person just exhibited to you, unequivocally, that you’re not important enough to change for. Or at the very least compromise with.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. This person can STILL always be “THAT” person for you but you don’t have to put all your blood, sweat and tears into them. You can be free and still hold onto memories (the good ones) and one day when you meet someone else who exemplifies all the things “THAT” person was to you AND MORE, you’ll be able to look back fondly and say “Why the HELL didn’t I move on sooner?”

The longer you hold on to what could’ve been, the more you’re taking away precious time from what’s to come.

Remember that.

Life is just way too short to keep someone around that doesn’t feel for you the way you do for them. And hoping they’ll come around is doing nothing but turning YOU bitter and mistrustful. People are who they are. Accept them as such or leave them behind when they aren’t who you hope them to be.

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That Black & White Issue. Yea, THAT One.

28 September 2010 at 7:08 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


First of all let me just say I KNOW there are more than just two races in this world. I don’t need to justify WHY I chose to talk about blacks & whites today rather than Asians and Hispanics. I’m just doing it. A random thought crossed my mind earlier after something I saw on Twitter. I’ll explain it so you can understand where I’m coming from and I hope some good discussion will come of this.

So, I saw this girl on my follower list (she’s white) tell one of my OTHER followers (he’s black) that he was “so cute”. Perfectly harmless, no big deal. His response was “likewise” and that was it. She’s now following him. He’s now following her. Maybe your minds work differently, but I started thinking about how she can just come out of nowhere and tell a guy he’s cute without thinking whether or not he’ll respond to her in a positive way (and yes, I’m talking about being attracted to each other based on race and race alone). The fact that she didn’t have to assess the situation or think about whether or not he even LIKED white women made me wonder and then later realize, there is a comfort level white women have that black women don’t when it comes to dating outside of our race.

As a black woman who has dated a couple of white men before, I have to say I didn’t always feel like I was a GIRLFRIEND or a significant other when I was with them. I always felt like it was a big deal if I asked to meet his parents, or when we were out I felt like he was constantly wondering about the stares we were getting. And we DID get them, but they definitely bothered him more than me.  I would voice my concerns and they’d always be written off as insecurities or I was “thinking about it too much”. I often wondered if it WAS just me. Maybe I WAS insecure. Maybe I wasn’t good enough and it had nothing to do with my skin colour, but then I realized, no …. I never had to deal with this OR feel like this with my black boyfriends. And I never go against my gut. My gut and intuition told me something wasn’t right. Besides, after I’d voice my concerns and the guys would SAY and ACT LIKE they got it, nothing changed. I never did meet his parents and he wouldn’t always hold my hand in public. So, who was right? He or I?

I’ve come to the conclusion that white men love to “try us out” because we’re looked at as freaky or whores (and don’t even get me started on the historical massa vs.  slave issue) but won’t date us seriously, bring us home to meet the parents, procreate with us or marry us. I often feel like if a white guy is interested in me it’s because I’d be his first black girl experience.  Or that I’d be his “chocolate fantasy” and I just can’t get with that. I don’t want to be “exoticized” or thought of as some wild bedroom goddess that will do everything his previous white partners won’t/didn’t do. Is this stereotyping? Maybe. Is it generalizing? Possibly. Is what I’m saying so far from the truth? Absolutely not.

The problem is this: people who date EXCLUSIVELY outside of their race don’t seem to understand the pitfalls of doing so. You lose touch with reality and start to only see ONE side of things. I actually had someone on Twitter, who’s white, tell me that the reason white men don’t date black women is because they could be intimidated. I was like … WHAT? So ALL black women are intimidating? And we’re only this way to WHITE MEN? Huh? I asked her what they could be intimidated OF and she said, right or wrong, the media portrays black women as “abrupt and loud, etc” and this could be intimidating to them. I was low-key annoyed at that statement but welcomed discussion on the matter. I immediately disagreed and replied: Well if the media is forming the white man’s opinions of black women then why aren’t white women afraid of the big bad, criminal, drug dealing, gangsta-rapping, baby daddy? Let’s be real here! The black man is the most ostracized, criticized and oppressed species on this PLANET.  If that theory of hers held true then why aren’t white women intimidated by black men? I’ll wait for a rebuttal ………………..*crickets*………………….. Exactly.

MY own experiences on the matter, is that white men have yet to wrap their head around society accepting them dating a black woman. It’s common for a black man to be famous and rich and have a white woman on his arm and MOST people, while maybe silently brooding, are OK with that. But let the tables be turned and you see a famous black woman with a white man on her arm. She’s labelled a sell out or the man must be a sugar daddy or something stupid like that.

When I see a good-looking guy (and for argument’s sake, lets say he’s black) my first instinct is to flirt with him and get his attention, let him know I’m interested and I don’t think twice about it. However, if I see a good-looking white guy my first instinct is to look for signs that he SOMEHOW will like me, and by me I mean ME AS A BLACK WOMAN, and if I see it, I go for it. Usually, though, I see NOTHING so that guy “gets away”.  Stereotypically, the only way I can “assume” a white guy will like me is if he appears “urban” …. or lets just come out and say “if he’s a wigger”. And yes, I know the consequences of assuming but it is what it is.

If I’m going to date a white man I want to date one that’s not trying to get my attention by adopting my culture and perpetuating all the negative stereotypes that glorify “being black”. If I’m going to date a white man I want a man who is just as proud of his race as I am of mine but, like me, doesn’t see colour when he falls in love with me. He sees ME. I see HIM. But this day in age, that’s just doing too much.

White women, in my opinion, just don’t have this issue at ALL. Y’all should feel lucky you can date white and black men and be able to do it freely (in the easiest sense of the word) without worrying about HOW you got him or HOW you had to analyze things first. It’s so much more common and accepted to see a black guy with a white woman so therefore white women are QUITE confident in their ability to holla at a black man and not have to worry about being rejected solely on the colour of their skin. For ME, I can take rejection. It’s not a problem. People are attracted to whomever they’re attracted to but to know that I liked you regardless of your race, yet my race is why you’re rejecting me, would BURN deep. So, I usually just don’t bother. If I end up dating a white guy it’s because HE approached ME. And if I waited for a white guy that I was feeling to approach me, I’ll die alone and bitter and angry and all kinds of negative emotions.

I don’t know many white guys that outright proclaim they love black women and have actually DATED them seriously (in actuality, I know 2) but I know a HUGE amount of black guys that will go on and on for DAYS about how much they love white girls. And you know what? Everything I said about liking someone for the stereotypes about their race could apply to THAT dynamic as well BUT I’m a BLACK WOMAN. I would never propose to speak on an issue I don’t know. I can tell you my thoughts on the matter (and that would only require a sentence or two) but I’m not a black man or a white woman. So I speak on what I know, go through and experience.

It’s very interesting to me.

I hope this post didn’t come off as bitter or too harsh. I definitely do not want to offend anyone. This really started off as a mere thought that has now turned into this blog. I’d love to hear any and all feedback – good or bad and have some great discussion. Please comment if you feel so compelled.

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Are You Really Cockblocking If You’re Telling the Truth?

18 July 2010 at 8:08 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Life, Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , , , )


I woke up the other morning to a bunch of emails on my Blackberry.

Anyone that’s on Facebook knows if you comment on someone’s picture you’ll get notifications that someone else commented after you. My emails stated the same chick commented on about 3 (or maybe it was 4 – don’t remember) pictures after me.

I get these messages ALL the time. I never pay attention but this time I did. The name was familiar to me. As well as the pictures she was commenting on. They were pictures of my ex. An ex from back when I was 20/21. This ex is not someone I talk to on a very regular basis but we are still good friends and we always have great conversations and still respect one another. It was this respect that made me do what I’m about to show you. I want to state that I grappled with doing this for about a week but I felt like, truthfully, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. What I’m about to show you some would say is “cock-blocking” (or for the sake of who’s involved – “pussy blocking”). But really?

Is it pussy blocking if I don’t want the guy and I’m telling the truth?

So, I hit him up and was like “What’s the deal with this broad?” and of course he wanted to know the history, why I was asking, etc, etc. I was honest and told him that this girl and I had never met face to face but that I had had interactions with her online. I explained we had some mutual friends. I explained that I didn’t knock the girl as far as her looks (she’s a pretty girl) and I wouldn’t talk about her being a whore or slut, even though I’d heard things (because who really knows anyone’s bedroom antics but the people involved?). All I could speak to was what I’d witnessed and read from her OWN accord. I told him flat-out I think she’s a bitch. She’s arrogant, self-centered, conceited and stuck up. I also said (from a personal standpoint) that she’s not a nice person. I could give you a couple of examples as to why I say this but the one that sticks out the most is: she tried to bright herself on a forum I used to belong to. Shortly before my grandmother succumbed to lung cancer, a few years ago, I had asked for prayers for her and my family and this bitch had the nerve to question why I was online (never mind the fact it was late at night and I had work the next morning) and stated I should have been with my grandmother at this time. She had no idea how severe (or lack thereof) the situation was. She just felt it was fine to make an unnecessary statement. When I read that (as well as remembered previous petty and snarky remarks she had made towards me unprovoked) I realized she wasn’t genuinely concerned for me. Had she been, I’d have allowed the comment but the word choice and blatant disregard for compassion pissed me off and it was then and there I realized I didn’t like this wench.

So, flash forward a few years later I see this trick is now trying to get in good with my ex? I had to let him know what I knew. Always fact. NEVER fiction. I didn’t even tell him about the aforementioned story because my personal dislike of her really didn’t have anything to do with me warning him about who she was as a person. I kept it straight and to the point.

I don’t want my ex back. We dated over 8 years ago and I’m very, very happy with the man I’m with now. But as I said, I consider him a good friend and he is an even better person. I know what he deserves, I know what he doesn’t. Quite simply, she’s just not good enough for him. Of course this isn’t my choice to make for him. But I believe EVERYONE has the right to know what they’re getting into. He needs to know her “nigga” of choice is a “street/thug nigga.” And he is NONE of those things. He’s a good, hard working man that has NEVER looked on that lifestyle as a good thing. Furthermore, he’s never been the type to look twice at females that do. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t pulling the wool over his eyes. If I was being spiteful or vindictive or if I wanted him, I’d be the first to admit my bias in the matter would be and should be questioned but it really and truly is about nothing more than me not wanting to see him with someone like her or worse, see him hurt. He deserves better.  Period. I am aware that this could make me look like a “hater” or a “cock blocker” but I don’t see it. I feel like I’m helping a friend make an informed decision. I would only hope he or any other of my friends would do the same for me.

Would this be a different story if this guy was a friend only and not an ex? Would it be different if I didn’t know the girl? (Of course it would). Would it be different if my ex was instead a female friend and the girl a guy? There are so many factors at work here and every situation is different. I even told him: “Fuck her, date her, have a good time with her but if you wife her I’ll object.” LOL! I said it jokingly but somewhat meant it.

In any event, if I have loyalty to anyone, it’s to him. And I did my part.  It’s in his hands now. I trust his judgement and I know he can’t be played or made a fool of. Knowing this is why I second guess if what I did was correct. If she’s all the things I say she is then he would see it without me having to tell him but life is too short to waste your time on chicks. Why shouldn’t I help out and speed up the inevitable? Straight up.

Besides, at at the end of the day KARMA IS A MOTHERFUCKER! Don’t talk shit about or to people you don’t know because one day you may find yourself liking some random guy you met online and his ex will be the first person to tell him what a BITCH you are.

😉

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How Many Times Must A Man Be Told!?

27 June 2010 at 5:46 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Life, Rants, WTF!?)


So this past weekend must’ve been the weekend that my exes or guys I’ve dated decided to band together and hit me up. I’m not trying to brag or boast because there’s nothing to brag about. Not on these guys, anyway. I’m simply trying to make sense of why certain guys keep coming back even though they’ve been told not to! I’m wondering if there is a common theme of regret and guilt over the way they acted or if it’s something else.

Three guys. Three different scenarios. Let’s start shall we?

Remember awhile back I blogged about a guy that thought it would be cute to think I’d be dumb enough to be the sidepiece he’d cheat on his girl with? Well he hit me up via text at random on Friday while I was at work. I was quite cold and callous with him. I mean, if you’re familiar with the story, don’t you think I should’ve been!? I asked him what he wanted and did he forget our last conversation? He admitted he did (what else is new?) and continued to ask me how I’ve been, how’s my day going, and etc. I’m like this fool really has NO idea what happened between us. Some of you men (and I use that term loosely) have such selective memories. I believe I again asked him what he wanted in a more blunt manner to which he replied: “Why are you being so mean. Dang! I was just trying to be nice. Forget it, enjoy the rest of your day.” I started to laugh. I’m thinking, are you serious right now? Is that supposed to make me feel bad? ME being mean to the likes of YOU? On to the next one. Apparently, his reasoning for hitting me up was that I “came across his mind and he wanted to see how I’ve been” then he proceeds to say “Kinda strange huh?” …. Um ….. Negro, fuck you. That is all. I can’t even type anymore about him because he just sets every last cell in my body ablaze with disgust. Go run your girl some more bubble baths or something you misguided-romantic fool.

Guy #2 is a little harder for me to be disgusted by, although he frustrates me to no end. I loved him very much and he was not the easiest person to love. He admittedly didn’t have anything going for him but we were friends first and I saw through all his problems and just loved him for him. In a time where I was not trusting of men and relationships I allowed him to get the best of me and we had quite the tumultuous yet passionate relationship. Needless to say we split up over some stupid shit and he REALLY made me look stupid in front of his friends and family and just treated me REALLY REALLY bad during the breakup. To that he says he was young, naive, stupid and just not a good person. I’m always telling him to let it go, leave it alone, move on but he won’t. He says he can’t. He knows what he did was wrong and never, ever fails to apologize to me for it. I put a snippet of last night’s MSN convo on my tumblr should you wish to view it. His regret and guilt runs VERY deep. He’s convinced I was “the one” for him and refuses to let me go. Apparently, there was a time in our relationship where he told me he let his wall down for me, let me in, and that I’m stuck with him because once that wall comes down, he can’t put it back up. My homeboy says I’m being too hard on him but between him and my LDR of 3 yrs – I just can’t give chances to people who have hurt me that badly. I love myself too much to put myself through all that again. I guess I don’t have to be such a bitch to him but I don’t even see the point of being friends. He says since he knows he’ll never get me back he’ll settle for me just being his friend but I know what his ultimate goal is and I know he’ll never achieve it. It would be unfair of me to give him false hope by agreeing to be his friend again. The thing is, at the end of the day I can always forgive but I’ll never forget and because of that, his treatment of me will ALWAYS  be in the back of my mind. Forgiveness aside, resentment is a bitch. And I VERY much resent him.

Third guy got shut down VERY quick. My bbm went off around 1am last night. He said “Yo”, I said “Hi” … He said “What’s up?” I said, “Nothing”. That was that. Don’t talk to me and make small talk. I know the only reason he wants to talk is because he wants coochie. I’m not the one. No THANK you.

I’m liable to believe guy #1 and guy #3 were both bored and that’s why they decided to hit me up. Maybe it was more … I believe it was less. In any event, they pissed me off. I’m not someone you can run back to. I’m too nice and accommodating. I MUST be for these idiots to think they can keep hitting me up every few weeks to “say hello”. I make it VERY clear I want nothing to do with them but what am I supposed to do short of changing my number? Lately, I’ve been exercising my right to bitch a fool out. Rather than ignore them like I usually do, I’ve been making my stance on how I feel about people VERY clear. Why can’t a guy get it though? I feel as if you men almost like when you hear no. Grow up. The challenge in getting a woman who doesn’t want you is stupid. When a woman says NO she MEANS NO! How many meanings can you give “leave me alone” or “go away” ??? I thought those two statements only meant one thing and one thing only. Am I missing something here?

In MY specific situation, I know all 3 guys have regrets and feel a way about how we ended or split up and so they always try to see if they can smooth things over and make things right. For what? Could be many things. It could be emotional, sexual or just the thrill of seeing if they still have it. No matter the reason, it’s annoying because I have never done anything to invite this unwelcome saying of hello.

If there is anyone that has suggestions of what I could or should be doing that I haven’t already tried then PLEASE let me know. Being nice didn’t work. Being an asshole isn’t working. What gives!?

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