A Video EVERY Black Woman (and Black Men For That Matter) MUST SEE!

15 January 2011 at 1:12 pm (Family, Life, Love & Relationships, Raves) (, , , , , )

The exponential amount of truth in this video is outstanding. It’s a harsh reality StatuesqueOne portrays but SOMEONE needs to say it. SOMEONE needs to be the person to spell that shit out. Black women, we have ALL been guilty of this at one time or another. Black men, you need to watch this to understand us and feel where we’re coming from. Black women please watch this .. I guarantee you it will NOT be a wasted 10 minutes but an EYE-OPENING 10 minutes. We need to change how society looks at and regards us. No one else will so we have to.

“You must command respect in order to never have to DEMAND it. This is quiet power.”

All comments and discussion are welcome.

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Ted Williams Hugs His Mother For the First Time In Many Years

7 January 2011 at 1:26 am (Family, News) (, , )

The moment we’ve all been waiting for – as has ted and Ms. Williams



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Ted Williams Reunites With Mother After 10 Years

6 January 2011 at 11:58 am (Family, News) (, , , , )

Such an emotional interview. I’m a sap – here practically crying at work almost!

Go here for the entire story and video footage!

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The Princess Boy

4 January 2011 at 2:20 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , )

As a parent, here are my thoughts.

This would be tough for any mom or dad to deal with initially. It’s not the social norm, it’s odd, its strange BUT when you love your children, you DO NOT stifle them. You can’t stifle a child’s growth and creativity and happiness for YOUR OWN concerns. That is doing way more harm then just letting them be to do what makes them smile. A child will learn early on that mommy and daddy are disappointed in them for a choice they made. Wearing a dress isn’t harming ANYONE, least of all you. You may not LIKE it but what harm is it REALLY doing? In a couple of years he may grow out of it entirely and it’s all been a phase. No harm no foul but if you stifle that, the ramifications of doing so will NOT go away in 2 years but will remain for life. If your son is wearing dresses and you are encouraging it and he ends up coming out as gay later in life, then it wasn’t because you encouraged him to wear these dresses but because he was BORN gay and knew that if you accepted that, you will accept him. Boys play with Barbies and dolls all the time, especially if they have sisters. They want to be included and do things they see other children doing -PERIOD.

My opinion is that you are born gay and not CHOOSING a lifestyle that’s picked apart, judged, and ostracized by society. Who would choose that? Besides, I don’t remember ever choosing to be straight, so …. but this is another blog in and of itself.

At the end of the day, let a child blossom and grow and explore and discover. Don’t put YOUR ADULT outlook on life on a child’s outlook on life. YOUR life experiences differ greatly from a child’s and to put that onto them isn’t fair. You can SAY its just you protecting them but no, you are being selfish and doing what YOU want to do. Protecting them is letting them be who they are and sheltering them from OTHERS that may not agree. A child needs refuge and respite within their family. Outsiders may try to bring them down or make them feel less than who they are but as PARENTS its our job to protect them. THAT is protection. It’s very easy for people who don’t have children come out and say what they would do in a situation like this, and you don’t discount their opinion … you can’t. It will show you what kind of parent they will become BUT at the same time it’s very difficult to understand wanting to sacrifice everything for your child because it’s a love like you’ve never felt before. And because of that, the opinion is just that – an opinion. Not reality.

My favourite part of the broadcast is when the mother speaks about studies showing that children get most excited and independent about the clothes they wear and pick out and how they are so proud when they can dress themselves. She is VERY right. That rebuttal to Meredith’s question was on point.

This world is becoming one of tolerance and acceptance but there’s still a long way to go.

What are your thoughts on this topic? I’d love to open up discussion.

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That Black & White Issue. Yea, THAT One.

28 September 2010 at 7:08 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

First of all let me just say I KNOW there are more than just two races in this world. I don’t need to justify WHY I chose to talk about blacks & whites today rather than Asians and Hispanics. I’m just doing it. A random thought crossed my mind earlier after something I saw on Twitter. I’ll explain it so you can understand where I’m coming from and I hope some good discussion will come of this.

So, I saw this girl on my follower list (she’s white) tell one of my OTHER followers (he’s black) that he was “so cute”. Perfectly harmless, no big deal. His response was “likewise” and that was it. She’s now following him. He’s now following her. Maybe your minds work differently, but I started thinking about how she can just come out of nowhere and tell a guy he’s cute without thinking whether or not he’ll respond to her in a positive way (and yes, I’m talking about being attracted to each other based on race and race alone). The fact that she didn’t have to assess the situation or think about whether or not he even LIKED white women made me wonder and then later realize, there is a comfort level white women have that black women don’t when it comes to dating outside of our race.

As a black woman who has dated a couple of white men before, I have to say I didn’t always feel like I was a GIRLFRIEND or a significant other when I was with them. I always felt like it was a big deal if I asked to meet his parents, or when we were out I felt like he was constantly wondering about the stares we were getting. And we DID get them, but they definitely bothered him more than me.  I would voice my concerns and they’d always be written off as insecurities or I was “thinking about it too much”. I often wondered if it WAS just me. Maybe I WAS insecure. Maybe I wasn’t good enough and it had nothing to do with my skin colour, but then I realized, no …. I never had to deal with this OR feel like this with my black boyfriends. And I never go against my gut. My gut and intuition told me something wasn’t right. Besides, after I’d voice my concerns and the guys would SAY and ACT LIKE they got it, nothing changed. I never did meet his parents and he wouldn’t always hold my hand in public. So, who was right? He or I?

I’ve come to the conclusion that white men love to “try us out” because we’re looked at as freaky or whores (and don’t even get me started on the historical massa vs.  slave issue) but won’t date us seriously, bring us home to meet the parents, procreate with us or marry us. I often feel like if a white guy is interested in me it’s because I’d be his first black girl experience.  Or that I’d be his “chocolate fantasy” and I just can’t get with that. I don’t want to be “exoticized” or thought of as some wild bedroom goddess that will do everything his previous white partners won’t/didn’t do. Is this stereotyping? Maybe. Is it generalizing? Possibly. Is what I’m saying so far from the truth? Absolutely not.

The problem is this: people who date EXCLUSIVELY outside of their race don’t seem to understand the pitfalls of doing so. You lose touch with reality and start to only see ONE side of things. I actually had someone on Twitter, who’s white, tell me that the reason white men don’t date black women is because they could be intimidated. I was like … WHAT? So ALL black women are intimidating? And we’re only this way to WHITE MEN? Huh? I asked her what they could be intimidated OF and she said, right or wrong, the media portrays black women as “abrupt and loud, etc” and this could be intimidating to them. I was low-key annoyed at that statement but welcomed discussion on the matter. I immediately disagreed and replied: Well if the media is forming the white man’s opinions of black women then why aren’t white women afraid of the big bad, criminal, drug dealing, gangsta-rapping, baby daddy? Let’s be real here! The black man is the most ostracized, criticized and oppressed species on this PLANET.  If that theory of hers held true then why aren’t white women intimidated by black men? I’ll wait for a rebuttal ………………..*crickets*………………….. Exactly.

MY own experiences on the matter, is that white men have yet to wrap their head around society accepting them dating a black woman. It’s common for a black man to be famous and rich and have a white woman on his arm and MOST people, while maybe silently brooding, are OK with that. But let the tables be turned and you see a famous black woman with a white man on her arm. She’s labelled a sell out or the man must be a sugar daddy or something stupid like that.

When I see a good-looking guy (and for argument’s sake, lets say he’s black) my first instinct is to flirt with him and get his attention, let him know I’m interested and I don’t think twice about it. However, if I see a good-looking white guy my first instinct is to look for signs that he SOMEHOW will like me, and by me I mean ME AS A BLACK WOMAN, and if I see it, I go for it. Usually, though, I see NOTHING so that guy “gets away”.  Stereotypically, the only way I can “assume” a white guy will like me is if he appears “urban” …. or lets just come out and say “if he’s a wigger”. And yes, I know the consequences of assuming but it is what it is.

If I’m going to date a white man I want to date one that’s not trying to get my attention by adopting my culture and perpetuating all the negative stereotypes that glorify “being black”. If I’m going to date a white man I want a man who is just as proud of his race as I am of mine but, like me, doesn’t see colour when he falls in love with me. He sees ME. I see HIM. But this day in age, that’s just doing too much.

White women, in my opinion, just don’t have this issue at ALL. Y’all should feel lucky you can date white and black men and be able to do it freely (in the easiest sense of the word) without worrying about HOW you got him or HOW you had to analyze things first. It’s so much more common and accepted to see a black guy with a white woman so therefore white women are QUITE confident in their ability to holla at a black man and not have to worry about being rejected solely on the colour of their skin. For ME, I can take rejection. It’s not a problem. People are attracted to whomever they’re attracted to but to know that I liked you regardless of your race, yet my race is why you’re rejecting me, would BURN deep. So, I usually just don’t bother. If I end up dating a white guy it’s because HE approached ME. And if I waited for a white guy that I was feeling to approach me, I’ll die alone and bitter and angry and all kinds of negative emotions.

I don’t know many white guys that outright proclaim they love black women and have actually DATED them seriously (in actuality, I know 2) but I know a HUGE amount of black guys that will go on and on for DAYS about how much they love white girls. And you know what? Everything I said about liking someone for the stereotypes about their race could apply to THAT dynamic as well BUT I’m a BLACK WOMAN. I would never propose to speak on an issue I don’t know. I can tell you my thoughts on the matter (and that would only require a sentence or two) but I’m not a black man or a white woman. So I speak on what I know, go through and experience.

It’s very interesting to me.

I hope this post didn’t come off as bitter or too harsh. I definitely do not want to offend anyone. This really started off as a mere thought that has now turned into this blog. I’d love to hear any and all feedback – good or bad and have some great discussion. Please comment if you feel so compelled.

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Happy Mother’s Day – I Salute Y’all

9 May 2010 at 6:32 pm (Family, Life) (, , , )

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Misconstrued Notions Of Marriage

6 May 2010 at 6:04 pm (Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )

I would LOVE to get married one day. For sure. BUT with all that I’ve been through personally, and all that I’ve seen other’s go through, I’m not rushing to get married. IF I get married at all, to be honest.

For MY generation, the idea of marriage has been highly misconstrued. The purpose of marriage is to procreate and make a family. People aren’t getting married for those reasons. People are getting married because they have children, not to be confused with making them. People are getting married for tax breaks and other financial gains. People are getting married because they are pressured to do so by friends and family. People are getting married because “Hey, why not? We’ve been together 8 years“. How many people are getting married because they LOVE one another? Because they want to spend their life with that person?

“You don’t marry someone you can live with. You marry someone you cannot live without.”

My own personal viewpoints of marriage aside, I think marriage is a wonderful thing – when done right and for the right reasons. A lot of times you have people misconstruing the idea behind it. To best explain what I mean I use a quote I heard a long time ago that struck a chord with me and made a LOT of sense:

“Men only want in-house pussy while women only want a wedding.”

No commitment. No genuine love. Just need, need, want and greed. Sad truly. If a guy can get a girl to marry him then he never has to worry about sex again. Come on everyone, we all know its harder for men to get sex than it is for women. Men have to work for it. With his wife, its there. Hence, in-house pussy. HOWEVER, they ALSO say once you get married the sex stops. And the cheating starts “there’s no pussy like new pussy” EW! So they say …. so they say. Women, while wanting a commitment always want the flashy expensive wedding to show out and have that dream fantasy wedding most have been thinking of since they were children BUT how many of these same women would marry at City Hall if need be for the sake of saving money or convenience? I can bet you not many, hence, women wanting a wedding and not a marriage *sigh*.

Last night on twitter I made a passing comment on marriage to which a follower of mine replied:

“@lovebugstarsky but then again it aint tradition! It’s the commitment to God.”

Now, I would’ve gotten into it with him (not rudely, just a discussion) but religion is something I don’t debate. Religion is a personal choice and decision and I don’t think personal choices and decisions need be talked about. Plus, we don’t know each other all that well to be having such a discussion. I was cool with his words and respectful of his viewpoint but in all honesty, marriage to me IS traditional. And if I marry someone I’m committing to THEM, not God. However, said commitment is BEFORE God. It’s semantics really but important ones in MY eyes, nonetheless.

OK, that’s enough about religion (lol).

In today’s society a common-law couple has the same rights legally as a married couple. Even if that common-law couple was to split up they can still go to court to fight for property and monies obtained within the relationship just as a married couple would do if they got divorced. My whole thing is this: I don’t want to get a divorce. I’d rather just walk away from my partner. It’s just as much pain, but less expensive. LOL … One would think I’m saying all marriage comes down to is money in that sense and sometimes it does. A lot of couples start out in debt after paying for their huge, lavish wedding and honeymoon, don’t they? Things that make you go hmm.

Divorce is another thing altogether. One shouldn’t walk into a marriage fearing divorce. I mean, that’s just setting yourself up for failure. No one should walk into ANYTHING with the thought of a negative outcome but with the rates as high as they are you can’t help but wonder. Someone told me once that the divorce rates are skewed and the numbers aren’t as high as “they” would have us believe. Even if that IS true, the fact that its OUT there already puts the idea into your head that your marriage has a pretty good chance at failing.

Personally, I’m not going to subscribe to that “I don’t need a piece of paper to show my love and commitment” ideal because honestly, marriage is just more than a piece of paper BUT that doesn’t mean I need a marriage to define my commitment to the man I plan to be with for the rest of my life, either.

Another issue I have with marriage is the assumption I MUST take my husband’s name. I have no problem with that but because I have a child I have to think about her. Unless she is legally adopted I don’t want her to be the only family member with a different last name. I actually had my ex-boyfriend tell me he wouldn’t and couldn’t marry me if I didn’t take his last name. I explained my reasoning and even said I would hyphenate and he said no. I thought hyphenating my name was a great compromise but he said no. End of story. Needless to say, he’s my EX-boyfriend.  I don’t altogether fault him for his beliefs but I feel that when it comes to marriage, it should be a partnership and not a “my way or the highway” type of deal. Clearly,  I took the highway.

I feel that if I do get married one day it WILL MOST DEFINITELY be for the right reasons and it will be because I am so 100% convinced this is the person for me and that’s all there is to it. While I’ve come extremely close to feeling that way about someone I’m still not married so … unless I feel that way again, I’m pretty good with common-law and I don’t see the issue with that.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Feel free to post and comment. Let’s discuss!

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Happy Easter!!!!

4 April 2010 at 9:53 am (Family, Well Wishes) (, , , , , , )

To all my readers that celebrate, Happy Easter. If you don’t celebrate this holiday then I still extend love and blessings to you and yours. God bless!

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“Only Your Daddy Can Teach You How To Hold Your Dick!”

14 March 2010 at 3:50 pm (Family, Life, Random) (, , )

On a forum I frequent I’m engrossed in a great conversation with a homie of mine. He told of a conversation he had with an older guy he used to work with. I thought it was SO deep; on more than a  couple levels. I wanted to share it with y’all. Women, its important to understand that the reason why a lot of guys are the way they are is due to how they were  raised and since a lot of men these days are raised by their single mothers a lot of traits coming from these women aren’t always the right ones. I’m not knocking single mothers by ANY means, I’m one myself. We are soldiers, most definitely but there is no disputing my aforementioned point.  The reason for this is because every young man needs to learn the ways of being a man from his DADDY. A woman can do SO many things, and she can surely show a man how to treat a woman but a kid coming up CANNOT learn to be a man from anyone other than his father. When his father ain’t shit then sometimes it’s better his dad isn’t around but there are always exceptions to every rule. Take in this conversation and let it marinate into your mind for a minute:

He said: “You carry yourself like a man. You watch these lil niggas today and you can see they didn’t have any male influence growing up. Pissing all on the toilet seat and whatnot. I bet you don’t piss on the toilet do you? You know why you don’t? Cause only your daddy can teach you how to hold your dick!”

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The Tragedy In Haiti

13 January 2010 at 7:57 pm (Campaigns, Family, Life, News, World Issues) (, , , , , , , , , )

I can’t stress the need for donations, prayers and love that need to be sent from your heart directly to Haiti.

I just saw some extremely graphic pictures of the devastation and suffering going on over there and my heart is breaking. I saw a picture of children’s lifeless bodies being laid out in a truck bed. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. I felt my heart stop. The devastation is completely widespread and I feel helpless. I would love to send money over but I’m just not in the financial position to do so. All I can do is pray and send what little I CAN afford. What I AM planning on doing, however, is sending old and unused clothing to the Red Cross in hopes that somehow that can help. Just now in typing this post, I visited their website: http://www.redcross.ca/article.asp?id=000005&tid=003 to see where my local Red Cross is and came across this:

In-kind donations of food, clothing and other items, while well intentioned, are not the best way to help those in need. There are tremendous processing and transportation costs involved in shipping these items to beneficiaries. Local purchases of food and clothing are more culturally appropriate and effective. Red Cross supplies can be purchased in the immediate area, thereby reducing transportation costs. Cash transfers to the affected region provide the optimum flexibility to our Red Cross colleagues so they can meet the most urgent needs.

Now, I know its not the best way but for ME, it’s the only way. I can’t do much more and I refuse to stand idly by. They may not get the clothes right away but I pray in Jesus’ name they get them eventually. I will STILL be sending my clothes to the Red Cross.

If you are unable to send money, clothes or food then PRAY. Prayer is a powerful thing and I know this first hand. I know how effective prayer can be.

On Twitter, I’ve seen some incredibly fucked up tweets that are hateful and racist. There is NO reason to make jokes or make light of the tragedy human life is facing overseas. I don’t care what you beliefs are, a life is a life and NO life is less deserving of our sympathies and prayers JUST because they aren’t the same colour as you. Grow up.

With that small rant being said, please try and do your part. It will make a world of difference.

My love and prayers are with you Haiti. God speed.

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