The Dreaded Friendzone

26 December 2010 at 6:48 pm (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )

Wikipedia describes the friendzone as: “The friend zone, or friendship zone, is a popular psychology concept found in many pseudo-psychology texts providing dating advice to a male audience. The term friend zone refers to the situation where the female has begun to view a male as a friend only and not as a romantic partner, a psychological classification supposedly exceptionally difficult to undo.”


Do men have friendzones, too or is this solely a female thing? Is there a way to escape it? Do people use it as a means to avoid commitment? What exactly can you do to avoid it? Let’s discuss, shall we!

Women have no problem getting sex. Men want sex at anytime, with (almost) anyone, anywhere. Women, while we may love sex just as much as men (and sometimes more), don’t always want sex at anytime, with (almost anyone), anywhere. We get to choose when we want it and men HAVE no choice but to follow. Because of this, we are more likely to make a guy our friend rather than our man or lover.

Further to my last post about men and women being friends, the friendzone is a very tricky topic. I’ll try to say what I need to without sounding contradictory BUT in any event, I have a friendzone and it’s not full. Why? Because I don’t believe men and women can be friends – lol! If I DO use it, I use it as its supposed to be used and I don’t put a man there unless there is definitely a reason for him to be there. MY criteria is simple. If there is NO WAY in Hell that I’m attracted to you in ANY way (physically, spiritually, emotionally) then you’ll be easily put in the friendzone. Since I tend to have varying types of men I’m attracted to it’s not likely you’ll be in there based on that criteria BUT it’s been known to happen. I don’t have a lot of ugly men as “friends” or that try to talk to me so if we date and just don’t click that’s one thing but to have NO connection on any level just doesn’t make sense for me to put you in the friendzone. If I can’t connect with you in a way other than physical attractiveness what is the point of you being in my life at all? I’ve been, MANY TIMES OVER, attracted to a male friend of mine. I usually first meet a guy and we talk as friends and there’s always an attraction. Once we’ve “gone there” (whether dating or physical intimacy) its hard to maintain a friendship thus again, there’s no point in you being in the friendzone or in my life, period. My other criteria is, if you’ve been a friend to me or are an ex that I’ve maintained contact with but disrespected me somehow and we stopped talking for a period of time but I eventually got over it and forgave you, we can be friends again. Only, this time around I’ll wish to keep you at arm’s length and decide to never, ever, date or engage with you physically again. The guys in my friendzone are USUALLY from this group. Lastly, if a man is in the friendzone not due to the other two reasons it’s because of the fact that he knowingly (or unknowingly) put HIMSELF there. I cannot share how that happens because it’s a secret and if I share that knowledge a lot of guys that I know and talk to casually will now be “hip” as to why they get no play from me. Hahaha!

I don’t think men can have a friendzone. Well … hmm. They CAN but maybe not the way it’s meant to be. You ever hear a guy say something like “Oh, well I just see her as my sister” ? or “She’s just a homegirl. Nothing will EVER happen between us” ? Well, that’s hodge podge to me. A guy will usually dip into his “friendzone” now and then if getting women becomes a chore or he’s hit a dry spell. Therefore, it’s not really a friendzone he has but a Plan B Group. Back up, if you will. A back up for those lonely, cold nights that he’s tired of having.

When it comes to putting a man in the friendzone, he should be there for a specific reason and no matter what a man does or says, he cannot escape it. WOMEN control their pussy and who they give it to. A man can beg, plead, wine & dine and promise a woman the world but if she wants nothing to do with him and her mind is definitely made up about this, he will NOT escape it. It’s better if he just gives up and leaves well enough alone then to fight it and try to get out. He can leave of his own volition but that means severing ties with the woman  that placed him there. Most men are very aware of the position  they’re in. They KNOW they’re in the friendzone and either they’re OK with being there or they just want a challenge  to see if they can get whats forbidden. Just in case you DON’T know you’re in the friendzone, I’ll let you know. If you are thought of as her brother – you’re in the friendzone. If you do a lot of things for her out of kindness but you are never rewarded with her telling you her feelings, giving you any sex or she treats you like a doormat – you’re in the friendzone.  If she talks to you about her “man” problems and constantly refers to you as such a nice guy but she’s not trying to make you HER nice guy exclusively – you’re in the friendzone. If you ask her out and she says she “doesn’t want to damage the friendship” – you’re in the friendzone.

There are women though that don’t stand behind the things they say and mean and for those men lucky enough to be placed in THAT farce of a friendzone you DO have ways to escape it. But you need to know what kind of female does this and what she’s about to make this deduction and since most men don’t “get” women, they’ll never see it. However, if you come across a chick like this, PLEASE know you’re dealing with an amateur here – I guarantee you. She’s probably needy and thinks she has power over men but really wants someone to love her and her game isn’t as strong as she’d like you to believe. For those men that think they’re in THAT kind of friendzone, here are some tips you can use to “escape” it. These tips are also good for men that want to avoid being put into the friendzone in the first place:

  1. Never express your feelings directly
  2. Flip the table and YOU be the first to tell HER you just want to be friends
  3. Don’t make yourself available to her every beck and call
  4. Date other women – she’ll see what she’s missing
  5. Ask HER opinion about the women you’re meeting
  6. Be consistent in your treatment of her – treat her like the girlfriend you want her to be (WITHOUT being her bitch and a doormat)
  7. Don’t be so predictable. Make her expect the unexpected
  8. Understand there’s a difference between wanting her and needing her and act accordingly
  9. If you have a fuck buddy or a fling don’t let THAT come between the two of you
  10. Prove that you can understand there’s a difference between sex and love and be able to show that you are capable of having sex with a connection

Unless you are seriously trying to be out of the friendzone and you want a relationship with her, DON’T try these tips because it’s not fair to play games and take advantage of her knowing she doesn’t want you in that way. If it’s just sex from her that you want, you have a better shot just being honest and saying it. If she just wants sex too, then you’re good to go but if she doesn’t, there’s PLENTY other women out there to choose from. The point of you using these tips to get what you want, sexually, and you not wanting a relationship from her is probably why your low-life ass is in her friendzone to begin with!

I feel bad for good men that get stuck in the friendzone and this is why I put those tips up there. SOME men don’t deserve to be there and SOME women are just BAD at judging character and not knowing what they want. A woman is only human and she makes mistakes. If she’s not seeing in you what you know you can give her then SHOW her. But again, if you don’t want to be out for the RIGHT reasons then STAY  there or move on. We’re talking man vs. boy actions now.

On twitter, a guy and I were talking about this and he said he doesn’t trust the men in a woman’s friendzone and that he’d trust the girl but not the guys. In reply, I told him its futile to worry about these men, because if a woman doesn’t want the guy he’ll never have her so he can try to run all kinds of interference but NOTHING will work. I mean that. I stand by that BUT I can see his point because I don’t trust women in the friendzone either. For possibly a different reason but its the same outcome. I just know that girls with an amazing friendship with MY man already have an advantage over me and already share a great amount of history with him and one would be crazy to NOT be wary of that. Those kind of situations make for a very scary “what if” when they are alone and that “moment” happens for them. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Some women use the friendzone as a means to avoid commitment. They throw guys in there left and right because they’ve been so badly hurt by men that they can’t build successful relationship with the opposite sex. They’re worried about letting a man in only to be let down and disappointed so they enjoy having that male figure around and all the perks without getting close and having the drama and problems introducing sex into the mix can bring.

A lot of women simply just want to fall in love with their male friend. Those friendships are the best ones to turn into romantic relationships because they are based on much more than just a quick fling or emotionless sex but because men and women are wired differently this gets lost in translation. Communication and timing are so important. Sometimes you just can’t help how you feel about someone (whether you return their feelings or not) but when you have someone who is a good friend to you and you know them well, you should explore what they could add to your life. You really have nothing to lose and depending on where you’re at in life, what’s so wrong about trying it out? Men look for a mate in all the wrong places and tend to overlook the girl they view as “just a friend” and end up in crap, door-revolving relationships. Women do this, too BUT I truly believe women, when looking for a life partner, would sooner date their friend over just any ol’ guy they meet. Men, I don’t believe would do this. Of course, this isn’t ALWAYS the case, but it’s definitely something I know my friends and I deal with on a regular basis, so there has to be SOME truth to it.

At the end of the day, the friendzone is a place you don’t WANT to be if you truly care about the person that put you there. If there’s even an INKLING of hope of getting out, then you need to self reflect and give yourself the honest truth as to why you’re there in the first place. As a warning to all men out there, you don’t ever have to be put in the friendzone if you do right by women. If you are honest and forthcoming and you SPEAK about things you can do yourself a great service. If anything, avoid it at all costs before you’re even placed there – that is the best way to “escape” it.



  1. rawmultimedia said,

    the friend zone mostly exist with females. A man knows exactly what he wants but somethings say the word “friends” as a defense mechanic ism so things can go smoothly with females. But sometimes unknowingly say lets be friends with a man so she don’t seem like she is easy to get. Once a guy hear that, mostly he talks to other women because he wasn’t seen as more than that potentially.

    kudos on the post 🙂

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      agreed. Thank you for your comment!

  2. bail bondsman said,

    I have frequented your website before. The more I learn, the more I keep coming back! 😉

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