Holding Onto The Past

26 December 2010 at 2:21 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , )


How many of us hang onto something that isn’t good for us solely because we’re used to it? Because we’re comfortable there? Because knowing what to expect far outweighs our fear of the unknown? Because its familiar?

I’m guilty of all of the above. As a matter of fact, I did it for three years. I basically felt like, well, even though I’m not being treated or respected as I should be at least I KNOW what I’m going to get. Why not just stick it out and hope and pray it gets better? Why start over with someone else who I have no idea what he’s thinking or what his intentions are? What a waste of my time, I’d say.

WRONG. Pump the brakes. ERKS. Sound the buzzer. I couldn’t have been more backasswards if I tried. I took a lot of the last quarter if 2010 to do some deep thinking about life. Specifically mine of course but also in general.

I looked at why we hold onto people and things of the past that really have no bearing on who we are today or who we want to be tomorrow. It made me look at grudges, the blame game, baggage, holding onto the “all men are dogs” vs. “all women are sluts” mentality. I looked at why we make our partner of today pay for the partner of yesterday’s mistakes.

The one thing that I kept going back to as the #1 reason why we do this has nothing to do with THEM … it’s all to do with US. We just don’t know how to break away and take accountability for our own actions. People only allow treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.

The fact we’ve been with them so long, have shared deep dark conversations, secrets and life experiences all make for such a familiar comfort zone that we don’t want to just up and leave and start to re-create with someone else.

I’m well aware that we all will have that ONE person we always go back to and will always have that special place in our heart for and those are the very people I’m referring to. At what point do we have to just say enough is enough? Dancing the tango for years and years before we decide to finally let go can leave us with calloused feet and thick ankles, in conjunction with weaker hearts and shortness of breath.  I looked at it quite simply and said, I’d think that the person I love wouldn’t have me dancing for years. They wouldn’t enjoy seeing me riding rollercoasters for years making me eternally sick  to my stomach with apprehension and worry about which loop-d-loop and drop is going to come next. We’d argue ad disagree but healthily so. But more than anything, they’d protect me. They’d carry me off the dance floor and rather than ride roller coasters, they’d play the ring toss and win me a stuffed animal.

Here’s the problem: if we don’t put our foot down and sternly say, this isn’t what we signed up for, this isn’t how you’re going to treat me, WHY wouldn’t that person stop acting the way they do? Sure, they should be their own person and should treat someone how they want to be treated (Golden Rule #1 of JK) but there are things in this world you just CANNOT control – least of all someone elses actions. Most people are selfish and stuck in their ways and with the way the world is headed, looking out for self is the be all and end all of human nature. NO ONE is going to look out for you, anymore. Those days are gone! You can only control your own actions and if the person you love isn’t mature enough to see that what they are doing is hurting or disrespecting you, then YOU need to change how you allow them to treat you. If they still don’t change their actions, then you need to move on because that person just exhibited to you, unequivocally, that you’re not important enough to change for. Or at the very least compromise with.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. This person can STILL always be “THAT” person for you but you don’t have to put all your blood, sweat and tears into them. You can be free and still hold onto memories (the good ones) and one day when you meet someone else who exemplifies all the things “THAT” person was to you AND MORE, you’ll be able to look back fondly and say “Why the HELL didn’t I move on sooner?”

The longer you hold on to what could’ve been, the more you’re taking away precious time from what’s to come.

Remember that.

Life is just way too short to keep someone around that doesn’t feel for you the way you do for them. And hoping they’ll come around is doing nothing but turning YOU bitter and mistrustful. People are who they are. Accept them as such or leave them behind when they aren’t who you hope them to be.

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1 Comment

  1. bail bondsman said,

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