Assume Accountability For Your Failed Relationships

21 September 2010 at 10:05 am (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , )


Its been so long since I’ve blogged. I want to start off by apologizing to my readers. My readership has dropped DRASTICALLY in the past couple of months, of no fault but my own. Life happens and the summer caused me to be a lot busier than usual but I promise with the cooler weather approaching I’ll become a hermit again and fresh material and posts will be up and running soon 🙂

All that being said, I wanted to speak on a topic that I’ve touched on before but never devoted an entire post to. There’s this dynamic with men and women where people are quick to talk about how waste people are. All men are dogs, don’t know how to treat a man, they’re worthless; all women are hoes, materialistic, gold diggers or too independent, blah blah. It’s annoying.

I don’t know how it is in other cities but in Toronto, there is a HUGE lack of coupling in the city. Most people are forgoing relationships to be single and just date with no intention of “catching feelings” or committing. It’s sad to me. I’m not sure if there is a fundamental reason for this or if times are just changing and fidelity is a thing of the past. Call me old fashioned or a hopeless romantic (I am!) but  what’s better than being in love and having someone to rely on and care for and about? What’s better than companionship and being with ONE person that can and will satisfy your every needs? I’ve been on both ends of that spectrum and while being single is fun and exciting it’s really un-fulfilling. I know a lot of people enjoy being single but after a while that shit gets old. After awhile, everyone wants to be with someone. So why are people staying single longer and shunning commitment?

My age group (25+) may have JUST missed this way of thinking but people 25 and under seem to be really unaware of what this mindset will do for the generations below them. I won’t even touch the topic of marriage and kids out-of-wedlock because that’s another thing in and of itself but just relationships in general, having a significant other, and being in a committed relationship seems so FOREIGN to so many people nowadays.

Everyone wants to complain about the lack of “good men or women” but one can only do that for so long.  Usually, if you are meeting the wrong men or having failed relationship after failed relationship wouldn’t the right thing to do be to “look at yourself”? People need to start taking accountability for their failed relationships. Period. You can’t talk about how there are so many waste wo/men out there and blame wo/men for all your foils. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem lies with YOU? Did you ever think that maybe you SUCK at picking the right partner? Maybe that your judgement in people is lacking? Maybe you’re making consistently poor choices? I’m not preaching because I’ve BEEN there. I’ve played the blame game. I’ve pointed my finger. I’ve also learned the hard way. I was thinking for the longest time I was just unlucky in love but really, I was just falling for the wrong type of man. I was looking to change people or “save” people. Once I pointed the finger back at me and took time to see what I was doing wrong I started meeting better people. I started having more successful relationships. One thing I CAN’T shake is who I attract though. LMAO. But that’s neither here nor there.

All I’m trying to say is, if you’re constantly alone and upset or depressed about the person in your life and where your relationship isn’t headed, then flip the script. You have nothing to lose. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Look at how you live your life and how you conduct yourself. Try and see if you would like you if you were someone else. Try and see yourself how others view you. This doesn’t mean the people that would hate on you, or talk shit because Lord knows those people shouldn’t matter to you. I’m talking about your friends and family.  It’s not easy doing this but there’s that saying “lie to others but never lie to yourself”. If you can be honest with yourself, you may learn a lot. And you cannot change what you don’t know or fail to see.

If you actually WANT a serious relationship with a GOOD man or woman, then you need to find out what it is you’ve done wrong, correct it and start applying what you want out of a partner to your life. If you want a successful wo/man, then you need to be successful yourself. You cannot expect to meet a someone who has all the qualities and things you yourself don’t have or aren’t in the process of achieving. My personal philosophy is to never, ever expect a man to have or do for me the things I don’t have or won’t do for him in return. It’s easier said than done, I know, but if you think about it, a relationship is much more than just that. It’s a partnership. If you aren’t with the person that can work with you and make you better, than you aren’t with the RIGHT one.

Stop complaining about all the bad that’s out there. There are a LOT of good men and women left but most of you are looking in the wrong places. And mistaking known ASSHOLES for “good” people.  You cannot change anyone. You cannot form anyone’s personality or demeanor. You have to meet someone and accept them AS THEY ARE which is why when you are looking for a mate you look for compatibility. The flaws they have will be flaws you can overlook because they’re minor and no one is perfect.

Be a better person in your OWN life and what you get out of life (in this case your relationships) will be better because of it. I promise you. Try it, faithfully, and tell me I’m wrong. I double-triple dare you 😉

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