That Black & White Issue. Yea, THAT One.

28 September 2010 at 7:08 pm (#Kanyeshrug, Family, Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


First of all let me just say I KNOW there are more than just two races in this world. I don’t need to justify WHY I chose to talk about blacks & whites today rather than Asians and Hispanics. I’m just doing it. A random thought crossed my mind earlier after something I saw on Twitter. I’ll explain it so you can understand where I’m coming from and I hope some good discussion will come of this.

So, I saw this girl on my follower list (she’s white) tell one of my OTHER followers (he’s black) that he was “so cute”. Perfectly harmless, no big deal. His response was “likewise” and that was it. She’s now following him. He’s now following her. Maybe your minds work differently, but I started thinking about how she can just come out of nowhere and tell a guy he’s cute without thinking whether or not he’ll respond to her in a positive way (and yes, I’m talking about being attracted to each other based on race and race alone). The fact that she didn’t have to assess the situation or think about whether or not he even LIKED white women made me wonder and then later realize, there is a comfort level white women have that black women don’t when it comes to dating outside of our race.

As a black woman who has dated a couple of white men before, I have to say I didn’t always feel like I was a GIRLFRIEND or a significant other when I was with them. I always felt like it was a big deal if I asked to meet his parents, or when we were out I felt like he was constantly wondering about the stares we were getting. And we DID get them, but they definitely bothered him more than me.  I would voice my concerns and they’d always be written off as insecurities or I was “thinking about it too much”. I often wondered if it WAS just me. Maybe I WAS insecure. Maybe I wasn’t good enough and it had nothing to do with my skin colour, but then I realized, no …. I never had to deal with this OR feel like this with my black boyfriends. And I never go against my gut. My gut and intuition told me something wasn’t right. Besides, after I’d voice my concerns and the guys would SAY and ACT LIKE they got it, nothing changed. I never did meet his parents and he wouldn’t always hold my hand in public. So, who was right? He or I?

I’ve come to the conclusion that white men love to “try us out” because we’re looked at as freaky or whores (and don’t even get me started on the historical massa vs.  slave issue) but won’t date us seriously, bring us home to meet the parents, procreate with us or marry us. I often feel like if a white guy is interested in me it’s because I’d be his first black girl experience.  Or that I’d be his “chocolate fantasy” and I just can’t get with that. I don’t want to be “exoticized” or thought of as some wild bedroom goddess that will do everything his previous white partners won’t/didn’t do. Is this stereotyping? Maybe. Is it generalizing? Possibly. Is what I’m saying so far from the truth? Absolutely not.

The problem is this: people who date EXCLUSIVELY outside of their race don’t seem to understand the pitfalls of doing so. You lose touch with reality and start to only see ONE side of things. I actually had someone on Twitter, who’s white, tell me that the reason white men don’t date black women is because they could be intimidated. I was like … WHAT? So ALL black women are intimidating? And we’re only this way to WHITE MEN? Huh? I asked her what they could be intimidated OF and she said, right or wrong, the media portrays black women as “abrupt and loud, etc” and this could be intimidating to them. I was low-key annoyed at that statement but welcomed discussion on the matter. I immediately disagreed and replied: Well if the media is forming the white man’s opinions of black women then why aren’t white women afraid of the big bad, criminal, drug dealing, gangsta-rapping, baby daddy? Let’s be real here! The black man is the most ostracized, criticized and oppressed species on this PLANET.  If that theory of hers held true then why aren’t white women intimidated by black men? I’ll wait for a rebuttal ………………..*crickets*………………….. Exactly.

MY own experiences on the matter, is that white men have yet to wrap their head around society accepting them dating a black woman. It’s common for a black man to be famous and rich and have a white woman on his arm and MOST people, while maybe silently brooding, are OK with that. But let the tables be turned and you see a famous black woman with a white man on her arm. She’s labelled a sell out or the man must be a sugar daddy or something stupid like that.

When I see a good-looking guy (and for argument’s sake, lets say he’s black) my first instinct is to flirt with him and get his attention, let him know I’m interested and I don’t think twice about it. However, if I see a good-looking white guy my first instinct is to look for signs that he SOMEHOW will like me, and by me I mean ME AS A BLACK WOMAN, and if I see it, I go for it. Usually, though, I see NOTHING so that guy “gets away”.  Stereotypically, the only way I can “assume” a white guy will like me is if he appears “urban” …. or lets just come out and say “if he’s a wigger”. And yes, I know the consequences of assuming but it is what it is.

If I’m going to date a white man I want to date one that’s not trying to get my attention by adopting my culture and perpetuating all the negative stereotypes that glorify “being black”. If I’m going to date a white man I want a man who is just as proud of his race as I am of mine but, like me, doesn’t see colour when he falls in love with me. He sees ME. I see HIM. But this day in age, that’s just doing too much.

White women, in my opinion, just don’t have this issue at ALL. Y’all should feel lucky you can date white and black men and be able to do it freely (in the easiest sense of the word) without worrying about HOW you got him or HOW you had to analyze things first. It’s so much more common and accepted to see a black guy with a white woman so therefore white women are QUITE confident in their ability to holla at a black man and not have to worry about being rejected solely on the colour of their skin. For ME, I can take rejection. It’s not a problem. People are attracted to whomever they’re attracted to but to know that I liked you regardless of your race, yet my race is why you’re rejecting me, would BURN deep. So, I usually just don’t bother. If I end up dating a white guy it’s because HE approached ME. And if I waited for a white guy that I was feeling to approach me, I’ll die alone and bitter and angry and all kinds of negative emotions.

I don’t know many white guys that outright proclaim they love black women and have actually DATED them seriously (in actuality, I know 2) but I know a HUGE amount of black guys that will go on and on for DAYS about how much they love white girls. And you know what? Everything I said about liking someone for the stereotypes about their race could apply to THAT dynamic as well BUT I’m a BLACK WOMAN. I would never propose to speak on an issue I don’t know. I can tell you my thoughts on the matter (and that would only require a sentence or two) but I’m not a black man or a white woman. So I speak on what I know, go through and experience.

It’s very interesting to me.

I hope this post didn’t come off as bitter or too harsh. I definitely do not want to offend anyone. This really started off as a mere thought that has now turned into this blog. I’d love to hear any and all feedback – good or bad and have some great discussion. Please comment if you feel so compelled.

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Production: SOUL.

27 September 2010 at 10:48 am (Downloads, Music, Toronto Life, Videos) (, , , , )


1ST SINGLE… SOUL – DAY & NITE [prod by SOUL]

OFFICIAL EP COMING VERY SOON!
UPDATE (Oct 2, 2010): EP is NOW here. Download Soul’s 10 track instrumental EP >> HERE <<


Download the mp3 >> here <<

SOUL
talktosoul@live.ca
http://www.soul-online.net

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Video: Carrie Underwood – Mama’s Song

24 September 2010 at 2:54 pm (Entertainment, Music, Videos) (, , , )


I’m not a huge country music fan but i LOVE me some Carrie Underwood. This song is so beautiful and the video is touching. I just wanted to share it. Carrie, as always, looks immaculate. Enjoy.

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I Can Tell You RIGHT Now …

24 September 2010 at 11:58 am (#Kanyeshrug, Music, Random) (, , )


I’ll be IN LINE for when this album drops on Nov. 2, 2010.

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Chris Brown – Yea 3X

24 September 2010 at 11:06 am (Downloads, Entertainment, Heavy Rotation, Music) (, , , , )


Right on the heels of the leak of Rihanna’s dance/pop record “Who’s That Chick” comes Chris Brown‘s new single “Yea 3x” (FTR, I brought up Rihanna not because of their history but because of the interesting direction both are taking on their new singles)

This is reminiscent of Usher’s “OMG”. I’m a fan of dance/pop music but all the same I’m wondering why so many R&B artists are doing these kinds of records. I’m itching for a strong R&B comeback.

Hopefully this is just one of maybe 2 or 3 dance tracks on Chris’ forthcoming album. I loved his “Fan of a Fan” and “In the Zone” mixtapes.

I won’t say the song is bad, at all. I actually like it.

Download Also Available.
Enjoy.

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Lyfe Jennings Back In Jail

23 September 2010 at 2:26 pm (Celebrity, Entertainment, Music, Videos, WTF!?) (, , , , , , )


R&B singer/songwriter Lyfe Jennings was apparently sentenced today (Sept. 22) to three-and-a-half years in prison for a case in which he drove drunk and shot in the air after an argument with his baby mama and former manager, Joy.

His sentence allegedly started today in Cobb County. After his sentencing, Lyfe reported requested a trip home to say goodbye to his children, which was denied by the judge.

In case you weren’t aware, Lyfe Jennings shot to fame after completing a 10-year life sentence at the age of 19. So, unfortunately, this is round two for the talented artist.

A call to Cobb County jail wasn’t returned and the label wouldn’t confirm the situation.

In the meantime, check out Lyfe’s latest vid for the very emotional and pertinent track “If Tomorrow Never Comes.” Source

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Women Lead, Men Follow

23 September 2010 at 10:19 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


“When females start acting like women. Males will start acting like men.” Source

This was a tweet that was RT’d on my timeline last night and I was intrigued so I went to the person’s page and found out what he meant by it. (You’ll see more of the tweets repeated throughout this post in order to illustrate my viewpoint, btw.) He was going on and on about if women start being women, men will stop treating us like bitches and hoes. The way we act dictates how we’re treated. Made complete sense to me.  My first instinct wasn’t to defend my gender or to take offense. My first instinct was to tell him how right he is. That’s not to say ALL the responsibility is on us. Men have to be accountable for their actions and there are exceptions to every rule. I mean, many good men and women are hurt and treated like crap everyday by people that are just assholes by nature and cruel and cold-hearted.

” … OR THEY WOULDN’T GET NO PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!! niggas will do WHATEVER to get some pussy.”

He went on to say that men will do almost anything to get that pussy but that a man WILL wait for it if he wants it bad enough. We just need to make him invest time. I agree of course but there’s one fundamental problem. There will always be another female willing to gie up the goods if I don’t. So any hoops I make him jump through could be all for nothing. Also, once he gets what he’s been wanting, what’s to stop him from moving on to someone else? These are questions that have no clear answer but the more time you spend with someone you’ll see if their intentions with u are genuine or not. That only comes with experience in trial and error. You can’t learn from any mistake you haven’t made and no one is psychic. This is why DATING is so important.  People need to start DATING again. Get to KNOW someone before you jump into a relationship or bed with them. You’ll have to trust your gut and intuition though. The world is full of liars and deceivers.

He went on to say something that was very interesting. He said that back in high school it was “cool” to call a girl cute or fine but women eventually got tired of hearing the same thing and wanted to be called beautiful and etc., so men switched up their game once we were put onto it. Basically,  it’s the same game but with different plays being drawn for the team. And, women believe it. They really believe they’re being called beautiful. No, chick … he just did what he had to do to be “different”. Next thing you know, men will start admiring women for their “wit and smarts” once beautiful has run its course. The goal of the lie is the same but the lie is being told a different way. Women need to be able to tell the difference.

Many women nowadays are just like men. We have a man’s mentality. We’re all just about getting our nut, too. We’ve been played and hurt so much, we feel it makes sense to forgo having feelings for anyone so if we can’t beat ’em, we might as well join ’em.  It’s a horrible way to interact with the opposite sex and many women do it because they feel they have no choice not because that’s their first instinct. So this begs the question of how do we “get back”? Slowly, but surely. The other issue is that even if we saw a huge shift in women changing up would it be enough of us to create a stand? Meaning, will men REALLY take note and respond accordingly? There will always be hoes and prostitutes and strippers to give men what they need so if we, as everyday women, aren’t giving it up will he REALLY stick around and work for our affection knowing what he can get is just a phone call away?

BUT, my personal belief is that if women made a conscious decision to band together and demand respect and didn’t give it up so easy, men probably would change. We are the smarter gender and we do have extreme power between our legs. And with great power comes great responsibility.  We were created as a recipe for  disaster with a brain and pussy but we need to reel it in and start demanding respect. That brain and pussy is worthless if we’re not using one and only using the other as something to hold over a man.  We can’t really complain about things men do if we allow it to be done. This is where WE have to assume accountability, now.

“So if you act like a lady and stop lettin niggas hit in under a month and make them invest some time into you. They’re not gonna wanna leave.”

When u make a man work for it he’ll appreciate it more, this is true, but make the right choice in the first place. A guy that’s up to no good WILL wait around for you (while doing his bs on the side) and soon as you give it up he’ll leave. So, yes,  while it’s in part that we have to make him work for it, we also have to make the right choice of man in the first place> Who wants to waste their time dating a crap guy that’s only gonna stay for what he wants and be out ANYWAY?

“If females acted ‘hard to get’ like jobs are these days, when a man got one he would keep it cause it’s hard to find another one.”

In conclusion, I think I think it’s safe to say we all know we can’t change a person but we can shape them and their habits – help them to be better. That’s what we ALL should look for in a mate. And since we ALSO all know men take longer to mature than us, what’s wrong with helping that “change” along? LMAO. That last part was said in jest … don’t get your boxer briefs in a tizzy, guys.

Follow the inspiration behind this post: http://twitter.com/FromABoyToAMan

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Introducing: Jay “IDOL” Braaks

22 September 2010 at 9:14 pm (Downloads, Entertainment, Heavy Rotation, Mixtapes, Music, Toronto Life) (, , , , , , , , )


Jay “IDOL” Braaks is a Westland Michigan born, Windsor Ontario raised hip hop artist. He Began rapping at the young age of 12, being highly influenced by artists like Jay-Z, Nas, Tupac, and Biggie. At this time, Braaks only freestyled and used rap as an alternate to writing journals, explaining his everyday life through writing short verses. In his highschool years, Jay found himself  writing full songs, performing at small venues and battle rapping on a regular basis.

In 2007, at the age of 21, he released his first mixtape entitled “Braak N Entry” which received rave reviews from the streets alone. Off the success from the mixtape, Jay performed at countless events in Windsor, ranging from parties to clubs and high schools. Building his resume, he spent the next couple of years concentrating on releasing an endless amount of songs to the internet, performing and ghostwriting for R&B and hip hop artists, dedicated to keep a solid buzz growing.

In April 2010, with a well crafted and deep arsenal of music, Braaks released his second mixtape titled “Tha Addiction” available for free download at http://www.datpiff.com/Jay_Braaks_Tha_Addiction.m116511.html which has been now glorified as being a certified “classic mixtape” from many listeners and blog sites.

Now, at 25, Jay Braaks continues to work hard and has just released his latest video “On My Own” available to view on Youtube, and is off his next mixtape titled “A Proud Outcast” which is scheduled for a late October release.

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Social Media Doesn’t Ruin Relationships, People Do.

22 September 2010 at 2:52 pm (Love & Relationships, Random) (, , , , , , , , , )


Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware of the troubles Facebook, Twitter and the internet as a whole can bring to a relationship, but let’s be clear here …. if your relationship isn’t solid,  social media outlets are only going to be fuel to an already raging fire.

I’ve had social media affect my relationships. How can they not? What your partner does online before your very eyes can be considered damning and disrespectful but at the end of the day, if you don’t trust them to do things like this ONLINE in front of your face, what do you think they do offline AWAY from you?

The bigger issue here is trust on a grander scale, not just trusting what your partner does on a website. If you can’t rely on your partner to do “the right thing” by you, by themselves and by your relationship, then Facebook, Twitter and the like are only a portion of your problem.

You can’t expect your partner to not flirt online if you do it yourself. You can’t expect to say “it’s just Facebook” if your partner is bothered by actions you’ve taken that hurt them.  You can’t write off what they say as insecurities or hogwash. Unless you deem them certifiably crazy, you’ve got to listen to their concerns and take them seriously. Then again, if you think they’re just insecure and crazy and making something out of nothing on a regular basis, why are you with them?

The inspiration behind this blog came from a guy I follow on Twitter, He said that if his girlfriend ever had Twitter, he wouldn’t follow her and maybe even block her because “twitter ruins relationships” to which I replied:  “So you would also have to make your page private so she couldn’t see what and who you tweet, right?”.  If I was his girlfriend, I’d think he had something to hide from me. He very well may not and may only be trying to preserve the relationship but I don’t much see the logic in preserving something that involves me all the while shutting me out JUST because you THINK what I see will cause me to act or feel a way. Why the secrecy? It’s an issue I’ve had to deal with personally and I’ve never been able to understand it or have someone explain it to me with validity.

There’s a difference between not being able to control what other people say, and doing things to others yourself. For example, if I was dating a guy and he had women fawning over him and complimenting him left and right I can’t fault HIM for it. Hell, if he’s sexy I can see why they would – but I would hold him accountable for how he responds to these women. If he says thank you and keeps it moving, good. If he engages in flirtatious banter, bad. If it’s the same girl over and over making suggestive comments then I’d hold them BOTH accountable. Her, for constantly chasing a man that’s taken and him for not making it clear he has a woman and isn’t interested. If that latter action is taken by him and she continues her pursuit, then she should be deleted because at that point she’s being blatantly disrespectful to me and my relationship and causing unnecessary trouble. This would seem easy, right? This would seem like the right thing to do but I’ve come across these situations, both personally and via other people’s’ stories to where the third-party was NOT deleted thus causing distrust and resentment.

Facebook, Twitter and such are only the means in which these people commit their  fuckery but its the PEOPLE in the situation ruining the relationship.

In a case like the one I mentioned all parties involved have a duty to handle the situation like mature adults and the two in the relationship will either make it a successful resolution or an unsuccessful one.

I don’t think its an insecurity or a “problem” for one party to voice their concerns about what is seen, said or done on a social networking site. I don’t think this makes anyone jealous. If it’s happening often you have to evaluate if they are doing it because you won’t make any changes or compromises or if they’re truly just trying to be controlling and demanding over you and the people you know. It’s a fine line, I understand but if their claims and examples are valid, where is the issue? There’s a level of comfort, patience and tolerance one can have when they feel threatened by someone infiltrating their relationship. A person will only take so much of someone interfering before they need to state their piece.  If you can’t understand or respect where they are coming from, the easiest thing to do is put yourself in their shoes.  Does it still seem so far-fetched then? I can bet you it doesn’t.

If you’re the type to chalk it up to the situation being “just online” then you have a deluded sense of reality. THESE days, even though a person can’t BLAME social media for the breakdown of a relationship, one CAN deduce that it can further crack an already broken foundation. What can “just be online” can quickly turn into something offline. Especially in my city. Everyone knows everyone and your paths WILL cross eventually.

Because of my personal experiences with this issue I’ve vowed to keep my relationship OFF the internet, at least until I’ve built a solid foundation with my partner. This doesn’t mean I’m going to allow certain things to slide should they happen but it just means my tolerance levels will be higher. I won’t have to worry about a third-party causing trouble if what he and I have is on point.

If you have trust issues with someone, they could shut down every account they have with a social networking site and it still won’t make you happy. If you don’t trust someone, you don’t trust someone. Period. Deleting accounts and certain troublemakers off those accounts may be a quick fix and a band-aid to an open wound but it’s not the resolution that will stand the test of time. Get your trust issues worked out and don’t blame a website for all your problems.

Take my word for it. I learned this the hard way.  And keep what’s closest to you and most private to YOURSELF. Allow people to know what you WANT them to know. What they NEED to know is subjective. The more you put yourself and your relationship out there for consumption, the more nosy people will be. There ARE assholes out there that like to cause trouble for no reason other than to do so. The last thing you’d want is to come across someone like that. If your relationship means that much to you, protect it at all costs …. by any means necessary – lol 😉

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Regular Robb ft. O’Sound – Social Tailor

22 September 2010 at 12:12 pm (Downloads, Heavy Rotation, Music, Raves, Toronto Life) (, , , , )


So the highlight of my morning was getting an email from the homegirl, Sajae, putting me onto a track featuring our mutual friend O’Sound. This joint was released last month but it’s only reaching my ears now – and give that I’ve been M.I.A. on the blog front, I missed it via other channels. I had to post it, though, because I love O’Sound‘s voice and regular visitors to my blog will remember my post on his amazing song “Words To Speak“. This track was produced by O’Sound and Regular Robb, who is a dope rapper in his own right.

There’s a version that will be released soon featuring Wolf J and O’Sound himself rapping … this man is just a biscuit soaking up the talent on life’s musical plate (words of Sajae’s crazy ass). He’s truly a well-rounded artist and a force to be reckoned with. Once that track is released, I’ll be sure to post it, so keep checking back for the update.

When I hear joints like this I get excited for the talent in my city. It’s a lot of people not getting their due shine, so if I can do anything to bring such talent to the ears of others, I’m gonna do it. ENJOY! Listen & Love.

Artist: Regular Robb
Feature: O’Sound
Title: Social Tailor

Produced By: Regular Robb & O’Sound
Length: 4:11
Mixed By: Lord Quest
Artwork By: Wolf j McFarlane

Download Also Available

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