I Won’t Let My Girl Do That!

24 May 2010 at 2:30 pm (Love & Relationships, Rants, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , , )


I was laying in bed this morning having a conversation with someone about relationships, sex, wifey’s vs. hoes and etc.

We got onto the subject of men wanting a “freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets” and I said I was convinced that regardless of what men SAY they actually would take a “good girl” that’s OK or not so good in bed over a girl who was great in bed but maybe not so great in other areas (like being a good girlfriend). He told me I was wrong because for HIM if he took the girl who was OK in bed, he’s sure he would cheat on her within weeks.

Now, this isn’t to say we think sex is the most important part of a relationship – it isn’t. We did agree, however, that it’s up there. It’s important to have that compatibility and familiarity with your partner. It’s important to have passion and that bond physically with someone you are committed to, otherwise infidelity will rear its ugly head. How many times have you heard that when men cheat it’s just all about sex; nothing more, nothing less but when women cheat there is a degree of emotion involved? I believe that to be hogwash. If it was JUST sex when a man cheated why would he continue to go back to the same woman over and over. He’s getting what he wants. On more than just a sexual level and if what he wants he’s getting from someone other than his woman, WHY is he with her?

I brought up the fact that a lot of men will never wife a “freak” because for some the word “freak” is synonymous with the word “hoe”. Most people should know better but that’s the stigma that’s attached. It is how it is. A hoe and a freak do not HAVE to be the same thing. A woman could be her man’s personal freak and do all the things sexually to keep him happy and satisfied. This doesn’t make her a hoe. See what I mean? However, some guys refuse to differentiate the two. This is unfair.

The guy I was having this conversation with spoke of a guy he knew and how this guy wouldn’t allow his girl to give him oral pleasure. In the six years they’ve been together she’s never given him head once. “But when he wants his dick sucked he goes and cheats on her, doesn’t he?”  I asked. It felt more like a statement because I already knew the answer. The question was confirmed and my boy said his friend replied with “I wouldn’t let her do that. She’s the wife. She could be the mother of my children.”  How is it logical that you have a woman you love and respect and are with for 6 years but you can justify cheating on her because she’s wifey and wifey doesn’t do these sorts of things? To me that’s the most illogical bull crap I’ve ever heard. Your partner should be willing to do anything needed to keep you happy and satisfied, sexually, spiritually, emotionally … and it goes without saying that this works BOTH ways.

Why NOT do all the nasty, pleasurable, freaky things with your life partner than with some random chick? Sexuality is whatever you are comfortable with.You should be comfortable with your partner. I would never want my man to step out on me to get pleasure from someone else when I’m more than capable of giving it to him. In the case of the guy my boy told me about though, it appears that his woman never even had a chance or a choice. There’s a difference between willing to please and not knowing how or being able but when you aren’t even given the chance, that’s messed up!

Why would someone think that giving head is something only “hoes do” and wifed girls don’t do? Its 2010. WHY is there still a stigma attached to oral sex? My boy says it’s about trust. He tried to explain to me that the reason some men feel this way is because they figure if a girl is willing to do all these “freaky” things with them, chances are a man before them also experienced these things and guys don’t want to know some other man had what they have currently. But come on, unless you sleep with a virgin this is inevitable. Be secure and comfortable with your sexuality. That’s an insecurity issue. If you aren’t secure enough to be in a sexually mature relationship then DON’T BE IN ONE. Simple.

All this being said though, it makes me wonder. Should I be the kind of female that scales back her freakiness so that I can become wifed and take my chances of being cheated on or should I be true to my sexual self and be how I am and not have a relationship because a man thinks I’m a hoe because I do freaky things in the bedroom? WHAT KIND OF OPTIONS ARE THOSE? As a sexually independent woman, those options SUCK. Be a freak and be labelled a hoe and have no relationships or be a good girl in a relationship having basic sex with my man so he can go get freaked out by another woman (who – in his eyes is likely a  hoe). LOL! Illogical fuckery.

I know that not all guys feel this way but I’ve had this conversation with more than a few men and sadly I know more guys that feel this way than ones that don’t. I can usually understand where people are coming from regarding these things and I can see both sides to everything whether I agree or not but on THIS particular issue I can’t see the logic AT ALL. I don’t condone cheating or misleading anyone and I feel like if you want a girl that’s a freak then wife a girl that’s a freak – and again this doesn’t mean you wife a hoe. You wife a girl who keeps her freaky dealings behind closed doors. A girl that is what you want in private. There are women out there that are like that. Yes, it may be hard to find but when is finding your partner ever easy? A lot of things are hard to find these days. You know what it comes down to, though? Not rushing into things with people. Communicating. That’s it, that’s all.

If more people were communicating OPENLY about sex and sexuality before they got into a relationship, a lot of bullshit could be avoided later on. Sex shouldn’t be breaking up a partnership. Finances, lies, deceit (not sexually related) and other situations should be what contributes to a break up. Sex is easy. Sex feels good. Sex is pleasure. There is no reason why a couple should be breaking up over it. If you want head then why not have the woman you desire most give it to you? Wouldn’t it feel better? Wouldn’t it mean more? If she’s a prude and doesn’t do that then why did you even “wife” her in the first place? Cheating, no matter how you justify it is wrong, and if the woman you’ve been with for 6 years is too much of a Queen to suck your dick but some hoe in the street is, then maybe relationships and all they stand for just aren’t for you.

Find out what the hell you want, stop wasting people’s time.

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