A & A :: What Holds More Weight?

9 January 2010 at 4:47 pm (Life) (, , , , , , , )

Accountability and apologies. What holds more weight when someone messes up?

Personally, I’ve had my share of fuck ups AND I’ve fucked up many times, too. Apologies are easy to give. “I’m sorry” takes one second to say and even if you hate apologizing or have a hard time doing it, I’m sure you can mutter those two words easily. Especially if you’re just trying to keep the peace. Because of these instances, its hard for people to recognize whether an apology is meaningful and sincere. ANYONE can say they are sorry but not all apologies are truthful.

Taking accountability for your wrong doing for ME is huge. It holds more weight. It shows that you KNOW you were wrong (and one could argue that’s an apology in itself) and shows that you can admit your mistakes. I, personally, don’t believe taking accountability is the same as apologizing. Showing remorse for your actions is being apologetic. Taking accountability just means you see the error in your ways and while you MAY or MAY NOT be sorry for those ways you at least know you won’t do it again. For example: a starving child has stolen a loaf of bread to feed himself. He admits his wrong doing and promises to not do it again for he knows if he’s caught again he will face the consequences. He may not be SORRY he stole that bread (after all, he’s no longer hungry) but at the very best he won’t do it again and will find another (and BETTER) way to feed himself.

It takes a grown person, and not one of age but of maturity, to admit their faults and acknowledge they were wrong. In regards to relationships, I would rather my partner tell me he knows he did wrong, and not to blurt out he’s sorry just to keep the peace and stop arguing with me. Saying he’s sorry doesn’t ensure he knows he was wrong or that he won’t do it again. All it does is put a band aid over a never healing wound. For the times when an apology is serious and coupled with accountability? That’s major. If you have a partner that can do both then hold on to them. Everyone knows friendships and relationships aren’t easy and are full of ups and downs but its the making up and how situations are handled that shows the true measure of a person.

In conclusion, it’s important to communicate your issues with your loved ones because in the end if you can’t recognize your mistakes and learn from them, we as human beings, are destined to repeat them again and again until we do.


1 Comment

  1. Kee'Sha said,

    I would agree on the accountability holding more weight, but I’ve come to learn that when someone is wrong, and they know they are wrong, sometimes it doesn’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. It’s almost as though they say ” Yes, I was wrong in doing that.I see how it makes you feel…but……..” If they aren’t really apologetic, then it’s just a slap in the face. The ability to do both GENUINELY is so ideal….would I choose one over the other…that’s kinda grey.

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