Should I Really Be Casually Dating At My Age?

25 October 2009 at 2:55 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , )


In the past 24 hours, I’ve been asked by five different men why I’m single. They can’t fathom it. This is funny to me.

So anyway, the reason is because I choose to be. My reasons are also somewhat personal and are something I may choose to deal with in the near future but for right now I enjoy being single and while, admittedly, it gets lonely sometimes, I’m not dying to be with anyone. Also, the guys I meet just aren’t serious about life and I have no time to be anyone’s cheerleader or babysitter. Anyway, this guy asked me why I was single and I explained this to him along with the fact that at my age, I’m not trying to casual date anymore. I’ve been there and done that. I will try to explain this as best as I can without confusing you.

While I don’t want to settle down right NOW into a marriage, I also don’t want to be dating every Tom, Dick and Harry about town. Of course, I DO realize that I will need to date in order to find the man I marry, however,  there is a difference with dating for the sake of dating or dating people to see how compatible you are and if there could be potential for long term love. I prefer to do the latter and because of that I don’t date often.

Basically, how I feel about relationships and men right now is as follows: the next relationship I get into will be with the man I plan to marry. I tell this to some guys and they start wigging out and trippin. I laugh because #1 you trippin’ insinuates you believe that you have a SHOT with me and that couldn’t be farther than the truth and #2 a relationship comes before a marriage and in order for me to get into a relationship with you I’d have to date you for QUITE some time to know you are someone I want to be committed to.

So rest assured guys, don’t flatter yourself into thinking I want to marry you and am jumping the gun. There is a process to dating … and a method to my madness. The problem most guys have, I find, is that they dont take the time to understand and see where a woman is coming from and they hear things like “relationship” and “marriage” and think the woman is wanting that RIGHT AWAY! Sure, some might, but I’m not every woman. At least  give me a chance to explain myself – lol! I don’t want to get married until I’m in my early to mid 30’s but I would also like to have a solid and well bonded relationship with my man before then so getting into a relationship in the next couple of years is ideal. I don’t want to meet someone and be married a year later. Most stories like that end up in divorce. Marriage is forever to me and I want something solid and strong. What is so wrong with that?

At least I’m a female that knows what she wants and stands firm in her beliefs. I don’t waffle with situations and move back and forth like a confused child. I have goals and a vision for my future and I’ll do all I can to achieve that goal. You’d think that would be a turn on to a man but ….

I feel at my age, I’ve done all the casual dating I can do and I’m ready for something more meaningful and better suited to what I want out of a partner. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. Isn’t it natural that once you reach a certain age you start thinking about settling down and making a future and life with someone? For ME that time has come, and if it hasn’t for you, thats OK! If you can’t get with it, that’s cool. 3/4 of the guys I talk to I wouldn’t look twice at in that sense ANYWAY so don’t worry precious darlings, you have nothing to be afraid of 😉

I will say this though: the one good thing about having this point of view on relationships is when you aren’t feeling someone who clearly likes you and you tell them you are single until your next relationship …. and that relationship will be the one you have with your husband to be. They switch up SO fast and basically, push themselves away. A guy not trying to get married doesn’t want to hear that mess. BUT, what if you aren’t feeling him, he’s feeling you, you drop this bomb and he is OK with it!? LOL … sorry, ladies … I can’t help you out of that one 😛

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5 Comments

  1. eA said,

    here I am, at the ripe age of 21, no longer wanting to do casual dating. I’m fixated on one person, that person being my best friend. And as much as he and I have a dysfunctional relationship (think, Sanaa Lathan & Taye Diggs in Brown Sugar, hell that whole movie is my everyday life) I’m not trying to gwan and date Dick, Harry or Larry either. You’re right when you say ‘I’m not trying to be anyone’s cheerleader or babysitter,’ I’m not. You hold your own down, and I will do the same, and somewhere in the middle we’ll meet. That’s how it should be, no? hmph. Right now, I may not be the happiest single, perse, but what I know exactly what I want and don’t want to waste my time or theirs.

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      YES! The last part of your comment resonated the most within me. It really IS about not wasting ppl’s time! I don’t want them thinking its going to be a great 2 month courtship and I dont want to be made to feel that if i play my cards right they just MIGHT keep me around for the long haul. No, I’m good with all the assumptions and guessing games. I’d prefer to just be straight up and self assured and if a man cant dig it, he can bounce.

  2. eA said,

    yep! I don’t find a need to string along someone, when I know they’re not what I want. It even comes down to the fact that I don’t want to find myself in these 3 month relationships and sleep with all these dudes, forget that. I’d rather wait from someone worth waiting for, and go on from there.

  3. Mz. Fenyx said,

    Coming out of a 2 year relationship only to figure out that a serious relationship is one in which there is growth, helped me to realize that as much as you love a person, when they show you who they are, you should believe them. I don’t see the point of being in a REAL-ationship if there is no foresight as to whether you can see yourself with this person. WHY ELSE would you want to be in a relationship? Casually dating is for high school..even university aged, but when you’re setting up to build your future for real, you don’t want to just jump into something….test the waters, of course. But in building a relationship, you give your future something stable to build on. Your hard work and devotion + your s/o’s hard work and devotion = potential future bliss. Or maybe I’m clutching onto a naive ideal.

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      very important words. once you reach a certain age (and every age is different for everyone) you are in relationships to find a partner. if thats not what you want then why are you in one? only to inevitably break up and do it all over again with someone else? is that how people plan to live out the rest of their days? it makes no sense. if you just want to date ppl and as many as possible before you leave the earth why do the relationship thing .. just be single. same could be said for cheating but thats another topic in itself lol

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