It’s Men Like Him ….

23 September 2009 at 4:18 pm (Life, Love & Relationships, Rants, WTF!?) (, , , , , , , , )

… that make me not trust the male species.

I’m not one to male bash and say all men are dogs because I KNOW that’s not the case. But I can’t lie or front and say that HE isn’t the reason why I always have my guard up and why I’m super cautious when trusting the words and actions of a man.

Some background: I casually dated a guy for about a year roughly 3-4 years ago. I had known him for even longer before that but we met online and never met despite living in the same city. We got together one night and we instantly clicked. We hung out often and I thought he was different because HE was the one that stated he didn’t want to move too fast or have sex right away because it complicated matters. I thought he was awesome. About 3 months later we slept together for the first time and it was good. I really liked him a lot but I was still not done dealing with the break up of my daughter’s father and I so I just quite enjoyed his company. Whatever it was he and I had, I liked it as it was. I didn’t chase him, I didn’t harass him and I sure didn’t nag him for a relationship. He is a party promoter and good at what he does, he was also really busy … I didn’t beg and plead for his time – he saw me when he could and I was OK with that. Then almost a year in, I started noticing things to make me believe maybe he wasn’t who I thought he was. Those details are pertinent but not necessarily ones I want to share. In any case I soon found out he had a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how long they had been together but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was I was officially his “side piece” and he had lied to me, deceived me and lead me on. I was really angry and hurt by it and he never really admitted it or apologized. I cut him off and didn’t speak to him for MONTHS. Eventually I forgave him but for MY benefit, not his own. I soon realized that all that “let’s not have sex right away” talks were probably ony because he had a girl. I’d been duped.

I started a new relationship with my (male) best friend at this time and that “other guy” became nothing more than a distant memory. I seen him around the way from time to time and we even hung out a few times (at this point he had apologized for his previous actions, but who knows how sincere it was) but I never fully trusted him again so it was pointless for us to be anything other than friends, but even as my “friend” I held back from him. He always eluded to our past relationship and always hinted at sex and wanting it and how good it was. I was often left to believe that was the only thing he remembered about me. It hurt but all the same I used his love for my sex to my advantage. I never gave in despite all his attempts.

We don’t talk often but from time to time we do. I eventually took him off my Facebook, all my IM’s and even my BBM list. I left him on my Twitter for reasons I don’t even know. I even took his number out of my address book. One day a few months ago I got a text from him. I knew it was him right away (sadly, his number, although erased, was still etched in my brain) … I played dumb and asked who it was. His reply: “Clearly, you deleted my number so nevermind.” Haha. Then a couple weeks after that I got a message from him on Twitter. We slowly began talking again but it was really innocent and brief conversations. But, like clockwork, he AGAIN  eventually started hinting at sex and I bluntly asked him if he was still attached. He said he was. I just shook my head. I pretty much leave him alone. He did ask if he could re-add me to BBM. I said fine. But he won’t re-add me to Facebook. Probably too much at risk to do that *rolls eyes*. This was about 3 months ago.

I awoke yesterday morning to a text from him: “…” <== wth? I didn’t know what that meant so I texted back “?” and he replied: “Sorry, I was having dirty thoughts” … OH MY WORD. That entire day he and I went back and forth on BBM. I didn’t encourage any of his fuckery though I definitely put forth a lot of set ups to find out what I needed to find out. He took the bait everytime.

He went into details about why he still thinks of me, how I pleased him and how much he thinks about it. I asked him if he was getting taken care of at home and he told me he is but that “You are you, you know that”. Now, I’m not one to brag but I know what I’m capable of. I’m good at making a man feel good. BUT, I didn’t think it was possible to have a man feeling this open after 3 years. I won’t lie. I felt flattered and wanted but I knew the dangers. (I should mention I found out he was with a new girl … not the same one from 3 years ago) If I was a different kind of female I would take his shit, sleep with him and pity his girlfriend but I respect other people’s relationships (the same can’t be said for other people and MY OWN) and I fear karma. I DO however, pity his girl.

I asked him if he believed what he was doing with me was cheating and he said he didn’t know but assumed I did given that I asked the question.

Later on in the conversation I asked him what he wanted and he told me he wanted me to come over that same night. I said that he knew that couldn’t happen and then he asked me flat out “Do you want to fuck?” and to that I replied: “Do you want to cheat on your girlfriend?” He answered no and that’s when I went in on him and said, it doesn’t matter what I want. I’m single and owe no one anything but he is in a relationship and should he not want to cheat then don’t. Should he want to fuck me, then come with it and cheat. You can’t have it both ways. He never responded to that outburst and the message was definitely read on BBM.

I can bet you if his girl read that conversation she would FREAK OUT. I know I would. He is trying to play me dark … Like I’m some regular lame broad with no respect or morals or SENSE. I hate him for that and it makes me angry that he feels I would crumble to his “charm” … Does he think that little of me? I feel bad for his girlfriend who is unsuspecting and probably thinks he’s the greatest guy in the world. If she only knew …

He is the reason I get so suspicious with regards to men and their intentions. It’s so easy for him to come at me how he does and feel no two ways about it. I don’t understand it at all. Does he think I’m OK with being a sideline hoe? How can he think that when he knows where I stood and what I did when he put me in that position before? He just lacks respect for me and it pisses me off. But the real victim here is his girlfriend. It’s not my place to say anything to her but I do hope she wises to his ways. He may have been unsuccessful at fucking me but I’m sure there is a line up of willing chicks to take my place.

I talked to a mutual friend of ours about this situation and left out all identifying details and without he or I admitting it, we both knew who each other meant. He told me that they (this guy and his gf) are actually pretty close and lovey dovey with each other – sometimes to the point its almost sickening (his words, not mine) and this made me feel even worse for her.

I sometimes want to say something and other times I don’t but in the end I know he will get his. He needs to grow up. I can tell you this much .. he will NEVER have this again. He’s gone SO far beyond the line … When I see how easy it is for a man to be unfaithful and deceitful it makes me want to stay single and how I am forever.




  1. elle said,

    It’s dudes like him that aid in making a woman put her guard up & turning her heart cold.

    Overall: he’s a certified WASTE CYATTY!

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,


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