Honesty, Loyalty, Good Looks … But Where’s Compatibility!?

30 July 2009 at 1:10 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (compassion, compatibility, compromise, dating, E Harmony, ethics, friendship, goals, honesty, infedelity, lack of trust, love, loyalty, lust, married, morals, partnerships, relationships, single)

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they are single? You look at them and see a gorgeous human being and wonder how THEY cannot possibly have a partner. Then when you look at your own life, and some of the lives around you, you realize that being single has VERY little to do with physical appearance. Let’s not get it twisted; no one is saying that looks don’t play a part in getting a partner but do your looks sustain that partner? If they did you would see attractive people everywhere in long lasting relationships. Being in a relationship you have to rely on more than how great you may or may not look.

I think I’ve figured out the main reason as to why people are having such a hard time with relationships these days. Infedelity and lack of trust are common occurances, as well as the other obvious things, but I’ve discovered another issue. Something that doesn’t usually come up when someone asks for what people look for in their S/O’s: compatibility. I have reason to believe that compatibility is actually the means to a happy relationship. Sure, so is communication, honesty, loyalty blah blah blah but … think about it for a second.

In speaking of myself I have not been a stranger to true love. It hasnt evaded me at all in the times since I’ve started dating but compatibility has ….quite often too. I have yet to meet someone I’m truly compatible with. I haven’t been in sync with someone since I was 16-19 and in highschool, dating my HS sweetheart. Weird, huh? I find that so ironic because I’m at a point in my life NOW where I know myself SO well … yet can’t find that special someone to share my life with. Back when I was 16-19 I wasn’t even trying to really LEARN about me … I was too young and naieve to even really care =/ *yikes*. I’ve always said I don’t have a set type but maybe it’s time I actually garner one and stick to it.

People often say they want a partner that is loyal and honest and compassionate (oh and good looking – lol) but I think people need to start seeking out someone that is compatible to them. In speaking for myself, I know that if I did that more often I truly believe loyalty and honesty would fall into place on a more natural basis. You can’t force attraction and compatibility. It’s there or it isn’t. I also believe that if I was more compatible with someone I would save myself a lot of surprises farther down the road. This isn’t to say that rushing into a relationship without fully getting to know someone is a deal breaker because I know some happy couples that got together rather quickly and are still going strong. While rare, it is possible. On the flip side I know people that have been friends or lovers for years and have TOO many problems and issues. This further proves my theory of people being drawn to each other through compatibility. They just CLICK. This is NOT an easy quality to find in someone. For some it takes time to see … for others it happens almost immediately. Don’t confuse “clicking” with lust. Or even love. LOL. There is no such thing as love at first sight. I’m a romantic and I don’t believe in that.

Obviously, you aren’t going to find someone JUST like you and you will certainly have to compromise at one time or another but its better to have SOME compatibility rather than none at all. Right?

Think about it … why do match making corporations like E-Harmony preach so much about compatibility and swear that their couple success rate is based on such a thing? It works. Look around you at some of the couples you know. Especially the married ones. Are they happy? Ask them how much they have in common and see what they say?

Is a healthy and happy relationship based on more than just love? I believe it is. I have known for quite some time that love just simply is NOT enough … you need more. You need common goals, and interests. You need common morals and ethics. You should have common aspirations for your future! You should have a friendship. Not necessarily one for ages and years but one of depth and openess and respect.

I like relationships and actually prefer them to being single. I feel at ease knowing I have a commitment but I’m not going to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. In all my trials and tribulations with the relationships I’ve been in, I have grown and learned from each one. Foolishly, my last one, I knew a lot and felt a lot but believed little. And I went against my better judgement and against the grain. When you look closely at the mistakes you see where things went wrong and what it comes down to is that … you probably didn’t really know someone as well as you claimed to; or as well as you thought you did. For this reason alone, it failed.

So take the time to know that while it’s important to have seperate interests and seperate lives that you ALSO have commonalities and interests to sustain the test of time. You don’t want to be all up under your partner 24/7 but you also don’t want to be so detached from the relationship that you grow apart. Opposites may attract but I don’t think thats a general rule. I believe being compatible equates to longevity. God speed.