Honesty, Loyalty, Good Looks … But Where’s Compatibility!?

30 July 2009 at 1:10 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they are single? You look at them and see a gorgeous human being and wonder how THEY cannot possibly have a partner. Then when you look at your own life, and some of the lives around you, you realize that being single has VERY little to do with physical appearance. Let’s not get it twisted; no one is saying that looks don’t play a part in getting a partner but do your looks sustain that partner? If they did you would see attractive people everywhere in long lasting relationships. Being in a relationship you have to rely on more than how great you may or may not look.

I think I’ve figured out the main reason as to why people are having such a hard time with relationships these days. Infedelity and lack of trust are common occurances, as well as the other obvious things, but I’ve discovered another issue. Something that doesn’t usually come up when someone asks for what people look for in their S/O’s: compatibility. I have reason to believe that compatibility is actually the means to a happy relationship. Sure, so is communication, honesty, loyalty blah blah blah but … think about it for a second.

In speaking of myself I have not been a stranger to true love. It hasnt evaded me at all in the times since I’ve started dating but compatibility has ….quite often too. I have yet to meet someone I’m truly compatible with. I haven’t been in sync with someone since I was 16-19 and in highschool, dating my HS sweetheart. Weird, huh? I find that so ironic because I’m at a point in my life NOW where I know myself SO well … yet can’t find that special someone to share my life with. Back when I was 16-19 I wasn’t even trying to really LEARN about me … I was too young and naieve to even really care =/ *yikes*. I’ve always said I don’t have a set type but maybe it’s time I actually garner one and stick to it.

People often say they want a partner that is loyal and honest and compassionate (oh and good looking – lol) but I think people need to start seeking out someone that is compatible to them. In speaking for myself, I know that if I did that more often I truly believe loyalty and honesty would fall into place on a more natural basis. You can’t force attraction and compatibility. It’s there or it isn’t. I also believe that if I was more compatible with someone I would save myself a lot of surprises farther down the road. This isn’t to say that rushing into a relationship without fully getting to know someone is a deal breaker because I know some happy couples that got together rather quickly and are still going strong. While rare, it is possible. On the flip side I know people that have been friends or lovers for years and have TOO many problems and issues. This further proves my theory of people being drawn to each other through compatibility. They just CLICK. This is NOT an easy quality to find in someone. For some it takes time to see … for others it happens almost immediately. Don’t confuse “clicking” with lust. Or even love. LOL. There is no such thing as love at first sight. I’m a romantic and I don’t believe in that.

Obviously, you aren’t going to find someone JUST like you and you will certainly have to compromise at one time or another but its better to have SOME compatibility rather than none at all. Right?

Think about it … why do match making corporations like E-Harmony preach so much about compatibility and swear that their couple success rate is based on such a thing? It works. Look around you at some of the couples you know. Especially the married ones. Are they happy? Ask them how much they have in common and see what they say?

Is a healthy and happy relationship based on more than just love? I believe it is. I have known for quite some time that love just simply is NOT enough … you need more. You need common goals, and interests. You need common morals and ethics. You should have common aspirations for your future! You should have a friendship. Not necessarily one for ages and years but one of depth and openess and respect.

I like relationships and actually prefer them to being single. I feel at ease knowing I have a commitment but I’m not going to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. In all my trials and tribulations with the relationships I’ve been in, I have grown and learned from each one. Foolishly, my last one, I knew a lot and felt a lot but believed little. And I went against my better judgement and against the grain. When you look closely at the mistakes you see where things went wrong and what it comes down to is that … you probably didn’t really know someone as well as you claimed to; or as well as you thought you did. For this reason alone, it failed.

So take the time to know that while it’s important to have seperate interests and seperate lives that you ALSO have commonalities and interests to sustain the test of time. You don’t want to be all up under your partner 24/7 but you also don’t want to be so detached from the relationship that you grow apart. Opposites may attract but I don’t think thats a general rule. I believe being compatible equates to longevity. God speed.



  1. DifferentNature said,

    “you probably didn’t really know someone as well as you claimed to; or as well as you thought you did.”

    This has been the case for me time and time again. I’m quick to jump in and just as quick to jump out. That’s why I’m always the bad guy. How sweet it is.

    I don’t believe you can change who you are. You can only change habits and maybe modify behaviour but your soul remains the same. … Read More

    While compatibility equates to longevity, let’s not forget the “je ne sais quoi” factor that makes it all worth it.

  2. ALLCAPS x m-fa-sis said,

    I agree completely, I’ve dated far too many pretty, fine, sexy,____ etc, women based simply on those physical traits, While i had plenty to satisfy my sweet tooth I found myself longing for food for the soul. Looking back, i see that I’ve had my brush with true, hopefully I’ll have that chance again.

    ALLCAPS x m-fa-sis

  3. Corprah Lanfrey said,


    Thank you BOTH so much for your comments. I’m so glad to have two male perspectives on this subject. Usually it’s women that will speak up. So I appreciate it a lot.

    Different Nature: i love how you brought up behaviour modifications but your soul remaining the same. I couldn’t agree with you more! Well stated.

    Allcaps: (love ur name, btw) … I think we’ve all been where you were … we all get caught up with the beauty and physical natures of the opposite sex but once we have a few not so great experiences or we just grow as people and learn to love more than outward appearances we see there is so much more out there for us. You will always have that chance again 🙂 … stay positive.

  4. Spurafiereift said,

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  5. Mz. Fenyx said,

    Truly insightful. It’s one thing to have that desire…the passion, but when it dies, because it will imo, what else will be there to keep you together? I love it. Sharing this!

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      thank you!

  6. Spurafiereift said,

    I have discovered on-line dating to be a great way to find people I would not have otherwise been introduced to. I have not been able to meet a lot of woman at my job because I am in a male dominated line of work, & I just do not work with females in my industry. Bars and night clubs haven’t worked out to well because they are noisy places, and it’s hard to compete in places like that. Not to mention the headache the next day. A friend turned me on to on-line dating, and I have found the selection to be much bigger, and the singles to be higher quality. Also I have used a ghost writing service to further increase my odds of meeting ladies, and I have gone on 6 successful dates as a result. I think for busy individuals, there is nothing better than on-line dating for today’s modern society. Just my 2 cents…

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  7. Rafael Bess said,

    The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open. Or numb after 16 cold beers.

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