A Smogasbord Of Topics On Sex, Love, Platonic Friendships and Relationships

17 May 2009 at 3:14 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , , , , )


I will try to not spend a lot of time on each one because this could get to be a LONG post. I was speaking with a male friend of mine for the better part of the morning and early afternoon with regards to the aforementioned topics and I’ve re-thought a lot of my stances on certain things and was reaffirmed in others. I wanted to share parts of the conversation in this post as well as put y’all onto some insight that I received.

First Topic: Sex

Let’s not kid ourselves, folks. I know most of my readers are grown (or at least I hope so). Sex isn’t some taboo subject. I’m sure we can all agree no matter HOW we get down, it feels good. It’s desired, wanted and for some of us needed. It’s an important part of a relationship but it’s not THE most important. But if sex isn’t good between yourself and your parter are you really willing to go the distance with them? Teach them, people say, but not everyone can be taught to satisfy you the way you need to be satisfied. My problem with sex is that us women are emotional thinkers and feelers and very rarely will you come across a woman that can’t have sex without becoming attached. Not always right away but eventually feelings crop up and women are usually the ones left hurt and shocked as to how and why a man could sleep with her so many times and not develop feelings. It’s possible ladies. Men are VERY good at keeping the two seperate and while its not an excuse or a justification, men CAN cheat on you and still love you. It isn’t right to US but in their minds, sex really IS just sex. Anyway, before I stray too far from the matter at hand, I used to believe sex was OK between two consenting adults, even if they weren’t involved in a relationship. A part of me still feels that way and I would never judge anyone that does that – it would make me hypocritical. I personally just got tired of it and said, no more sex unless a relationship is happening. Why? It complicates matters WAY TOO MUCH. People always show their good side in the beginning but we ALL change within time and sex only hurries that up. Besides, with Maury in business and diseases rearing their ugly head at every corner you actually have MORE reasons to wait rather than rush with someone. I always say, porn can and should be your best friend. It won’t ever let you down ūüėČ Pun intended.

Next Topic: Love

I no longer believe true love exists. I’m sorry but that’s just how I feel. I have been through a lot on my OWN to come to this conclusion and I’ve seen my friends go through things. My thoughts on true love don’t include the love you have for your family or children. I am speaking exclusively about relationships between you and someone else (a partner if you will). A lot of people will say loving someone and being in love with someone are different and I am one of those people. I can love you the first day I meet you and not feel any kind of way about that emotion but it will take me a GOOD long time to fall IN love with you.¬† That, to me, is what true love is: to be completely madly in love.¬†Loving someone is giving your heart to them and trusting them to not break it.¬†¬†These days I don’t see myself falling in love with anyone. That takes too much trust in another person. I don’t trust people anymore. The reason is that I can only go by what you show me, I’m not psychic therefore I have to take you at your word and quite frankly it’s VERY easy to lie and SHOW people what you want them to see. I’ve done it when it needed to be done and while I’m not proud I know if I can do it then someone can do it to me. It may be a sad and pessimistic way to view people but it is what it is. We all draw these sorts of conclusions from personal experiences and my personal experience is that I’ve been lied to and deceived one too many times to have any kind of trust for anyone. Even if you bent over backwards to get me to trust you, chances are I would still be skeptical about something.¬† I hope in time this will go away but for right now, and I live in the NOW, I don’t see it changing. Love should never hurt or make you cry or make you doubt yourself. Sure, no one is perfect and we all have our disagreements and arguments but where in the “love book” does it say consistently doubting yourself and second guessing your relationship is what love is all about? Love can be the most beautiful experience and the most painful. I’m just glad that I experienced true love at least ONCE in my life, and that is probably the only thing keeping me from swearing it off altogether. As I said, I DO hope it changes in time but right now, I’m not so sure. I’m ok with that, too. I came to terms with it a long time ago. It isn’t sad to me. If anything it makes me smart and very aware.

Next Topic: Platonic Friendships

I used to think men and women could never be friends unless one party was ugly or gay. I still feel that way but I’ve tweaked my feelings a bit. As I mentioned in the opening bit, I was talking to a male friend of mine and he is indeed a male FRIEND. We haven’t hung out but once, and it was briefly at my home and then at an event, but nonetheless he is my friend. Over the¬†3 or so¬†years that¬†I’ve known him we have had some deep conversations and this one was no different. He is NOT ugly nor is he gay. He is actually quite attractive and I find him absolutely adorable. Physically there is nothing wrong with him at all. However, I don’t want him. I have my reasons. And, from what I know, he doesn’t want me either. I don’t wonder what it would be like to sleep with him though I imagine we are probably sexually compatible based on conversations we’ve had – lol. I feel comfortable with him and I believe if he were at my house late at night and we were alone I would not feel like he would make a move on me nor me on him. Even if alcohol was involved. Sometimes you just don’t see it happening with someone, he is that person for me. So, I have FINALLY found a guy I would love to kick it with on a regular basis because I’m not afraid of any “problems” happening but alas, he lives too far. Sucks. So my view on platonic relationships is that men and women CAN be friends, even if they are both good looking, however, it has to be previously determined that neither one wants the other and this must be STATED clearly. I think its rare, and in many cases quite unlikely but not impossible.

Next Topic: Relationships

It’s been a long time since I was in one. I was involved in a 3 year long distance relationship which I now realize wasn’t a relationship at all. I’ve finally written those three years of my life off. Sad but true. Three years at my age is a lot of time to waste. I feel like 50% of that time was wasted because I gave up a lot of better opportunities for love that probably won’t ever happen again and my negative¬†feelings about marriage and trust and relationships are BECAUSE of those three years. BUT 50% of that time was a learning experience. Because of this person I now know what a liar and a deceiver looks like. I’ve gotten to know that type VERY well and I am so¬† aware of what the signs are for next time. I guess thats the most important thing to take from it. If you were dicked around, it’s important you LEARN from it and learn from it I did. Anyway, with all that said, I still want a relationship. Why? Because that’s who I am. I’m better in a committed relationship. I don’t do well dating and sleeping around. It’s not who I am and its never who I’ll be. BUT, I am good and better in a GOOD relationship (keyword: good, folks)¬†and those are hard to find. Everyone seems to want to be sleeping around and are OK with that. No one seems to want a relationship anymore. People are writing off fidelity or getting in a relationship¬†and then cheating on their partner. WTF? I don’t understand that – if you aren’t ready for a relationship then be single and sleep around. Why bring someone down because you want to have your cake and eat it too? Just be single and do that – if anything do it for yourself. You have less stress this way.¬†Everyone seems to want to live the high life and live a life full of risks and high stakes. I don’t want to play that game. I have a lot to offer someone and when I love someone I love with all my heart, its just finding someone willing of my love that I find difficult. It’s finding someone that will give just as much, if not more than me, that I find difficult. Even with all that said, I’m willing to stay open minded because I am waiting to meet that gentleman that will change my feelings on true love. I’m waiting for someone to show me that I can fall in love and that I can trust them. If it takes me a good while to do that so be it. I’m in no rush. I’ve never been one to half ass anything so why change now?

In conclusion, my stance on these matters have frequently been tweaked and changed based on experiences I’ve had in my life but the one thing thats remained constant is my self love, self worth and declaration that I will not settle and allow someone to walk over me. Love clouds your judgement in people and while some may have, for a short time, caused me to second guess my declaration, it never lasted because no major life decisions or changes¬†were EVER made. I always come to my senses if given enough time to sit and think about what’s really happening. I can live without sex, love and a relationship. Do I WANT to? No. But I CAN. And I WILL until I find something meaningful. If a lot more people took the time to do the same the world might not be so fucked up. Respect and love yourself and this will ultimately FORCE others to do the same.

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5 Comments

  1. Mz. Fenyx said,

    I hear you on ALL of these topics. It’s VERY difficult to see someone objectively that you love completely. And, on the platonic friendship issue, I am still choosing to be naive in hoping that I can find a guy who can see me as a friend and nothing more. *shrug* Learning from messed up situations is indeed the BEST option, because IMO, becoming bitter and cold hearted towards the idea of love and relationships SOLELY for being hurt in the past by someone who wasn’t mature enough to deal with one’s love is continuing to give the immature one power. Very good post, Ms. Elle.

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      Thank you, girl.

      I definitely feel you on the bitter part. While some may take my words as bitter I know them to not be. Im just VERY realistic. I’ve BEEN bitter and my thoughts and feelings on love were NOWHERE near what they were then to what they are now. Always growing and changing and maturing. That’s all you can do.

  2. Relationship Breakup said,

    Thanks for this great advice. I learned a lot from your post.Thank you alot for sharing the informations with us, i like the pictures you made and it looks like the festival was nice.

  3. Relationship Breakup said,

    thanks for the sahring and it very useful for the inforamtion thanks…..

  4. asytonyaa said,

    Which is the very good movie in 2009? Please help!Thank you.

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