Your Lack Of Confidence Is Transparent – Trust Me

5 May 2009 at 12:06 am (Life, Rants) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )


I haven’t finished reading The Memory Keeper’s Daughter yet but I put it aside to read another book. I don’t want to say the title because I’m going to review it once I’m done. In any case it’s caused me to look at my life, specifically one aspect of it, and draw from it a conclusion I wasn’t willing to admit. To myself or others. But today, I’m going to put it all out there.

Women love attention, women crave attention and women need attention. We thrive on it. We get a compliment and we claim humbleness or act like we already know it but “thanks anyway”. There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention, sometimes. Right? Wrong. Why do you need attention? Why do you want attention? Why does anyone elses opinion matter? Here’s the deal: I’m guilty of it. I have done and said things for the SOLE purpose of getting a reaction. From friends, family, the opposite sex, etc. I knew what I was doing. We always know what we are doing. None of us are functionally stupid so therefore we are all well aware of what we’re doing. If you try to state otherwise you are lying to yourself and you are in heavy denial. What separates me from you is that I can admit it. To myself and to whomever is reading this post right now. I have posed for a picture provocatively, angled my camera to capture my cleavage seductively, I’ve flirted with the intent to tease and the list goes on and on. What separates me from you is that I’ve decided to grow up, now. Time to be a WOMAN. I’m no longer a girl. I no longer need to look to others to define who I am. I’ve actually been this way for a couple years now, but I still did my thing here and there to “see if I still had it”. Sad, eh?

I’ve decided that I did it for acceptance. I’ve decided that despite my self love and confidence, on my “down days” I used other people’s praise to lift me back up. I’ve decided that I convinced myself that was OK but then I realized: is that what I keep people around for? To boost me up? That realization is just as bad as realizing I’ve actually come to care what strangers think of me. How pathetic. And with that realization came a power. I AM good enough. I AM smart enough. I AM pretty enough and even if its on my terms, it’s OK.

I’ve seen some real pathetic people in my day. And maybe they have seen the same in me – I’m almost sure at one time or another someone said to themselves: “That girl is trying SO hard to be noticed”. I won’t go in detail about some of the people that were the reason behind me writing this blog, because if you know me you’ll know RIGHT away who I’m talking about but the people that claim to be so confident and give off that air are the most insecure people because they take a gazillion photos of themselves, seek out compliments and then rarely say thank you to the subservient “fans” that hang on their every word. You are not a queen or king. You don’t have to sit upon your throne and ignore the commoners. Last I checked you weren’t much of anything. Except someone that sought out attention. These “fans” make you who you are. Remember that. If you are going to try SOOOO hard to get the reaction you wanted, the very LEAST you could do is thank them. Have some manners.

They THEN make the excuse that “Oh, well I get so many compliments and emails and notifications that I can’t possibly thank everyone …” Think about that for a minute then. If you get so many it means you put OUT too many. Idiot. Furthermore they think people are stupid. They add a couple “bad” pics and call out their flaws to gain sympathy or hear someone say “oh no no you don’t look bad at all”. Trust me, I know all about that. It’s the get yourself before they get you mentality. Make fun of yourself before someone else can, that way it won’t hurt as bad or cut as deep. Old trick. Its as obvious as the sky is blue.

Almost as bad as the people putting themselves out there for consumption, are the people that are so blind and stupid to see it. They are the same ones, like lost puppies, cheering these self loathing creatures on. I speak from experience because I’ve HAD them. You can easily tell when someone is so far up your ass. You either do one of two things with that: a) keep them around for an ego boost or b) cut their pathetic ass loose. Most women opt for choice A because who would ever think of getting rid of someone that makes you feel so great about yourself? But you people being kept around, ask yourselves, what do YOU get in return? Anything? I can bet you get SHIT. If you’re happy being a dirty carpet that someone wipes their shoes on, keep doing you. You will never have that chance, you will never get to hang out and you probably won’t ever get that phone call. You are being TOLERATED. In any other scenario, you’d be a BOTHER. A NUISANCE. And you probably know this but your pathetic ass is hopeful. Aww, how cute. I had to let all those people go. It was as much out of guilt as it was out of pity.

I get angry … because I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I’ve been used and I’ve used others. The change comes when you realize BOTH are wrong. Stop putting your self worth and value in other people’s hands. If you are one of those people that SEE others for what they are, whether its someone seeking or attention or someone giving that attention seeker what they want, don’t add to it. I can see, clear as day, the people that do the shit they do. Takes one to know one. I am NOT helping them along. No ma’am. I shake my head, laugh and keep it moving. I was no better than they are. However, the difference between you and I is I’ve realized the error of my ways and I’m making the necessary changes. Difference between you and I is that I’m a GROWN WOMAN, you are still a CHILD. Difference between you and I is that I don’t need anyone to TELL me how great I am, I already know. And don’t try to tell yourself you do it because you “like” it or are bored. There are other things to do with your time but when you get so used to attention YOU ask for, you don’t know how to do anything else. If you love yourself as much as you think you do, if you are as awesome as you say you are, you don’t need a fan club. You’re not famous. Stop fooling yourself. You’re as transparent as glass.

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5 Comments

  1. Sourani said,

    Hey, I read your article and it was very intrigueing and so right! I just wondered though, if someone begins by ending this behaviour and attention seeking, will the great need for attention gradually lessen in time? I had major issues in attention seeking, luckily my husband has cured them, but still I have trouble with being happy on my own without having someone praising me-thus my self-confidence is still low.. what do you advice me?

    thanks a lot!

    sourani

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      Thank you SO much for your post and for asking my advice on this matter. I will tell you what I did since I am in the same boat as yourself. I believe over time, yes, the need for attention will cease, however, I believe that it really comes from within. You need to learn to love yourself and appreciate who you are AS you are and then it wont matter what anyone else will think of you. Remember to keep yourself first and remember to have a life outside of your husband’s and your own because its important to maintain your self worth and value. I would take up a hobby, anything from knitting to cooking to tennis to jogging to writing. Anything that makes you feel good. Take long walks to clear your mind and bubble baths to pamper yourself; manicures to make you feel good. Get massages or make sure you take a weeked for yourself with girlfriends or even alone. And look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you ARE good enough because you will definitely start to believe it. It won’t happen over night but it will happen. The best of luck to you!

  2. Sourani said,

    hey again,

    what you say is good and sounds terrific, only i begin to realise now that i am talented- i feel it with every vibe and cell of my body, except i get soo tired in fullfilling my talent… I am mother of 3 little ones, i study pharmacy, i am responsible for administration next to the household, and now i am considering quitting my study as I realised my body is getting tired and overexhausted. Although I am frightened from letting go i truely want to be happy without needing anyone to cause that happiness… Mind you, I pamper myself enough hahaha, but I think its just a kind of illness in the emotional subconscience field in our body as result from years of criticism…

    take care hon, nd keep on going!

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      well exhaustion definitely plays a role in not being the happiest person in the world so if its financially feesible for you and your family to quit your study then do what needs to be done. and if all else fails your little ones will bring you the much needed joy you desire. I have a 5 yr old daughter and she provides endless joy to my life.

  3. Great Value To Compliment The Book Coin Collecting | Where Can I Buy A book said,

    […] Your Lack Of Confidence Is Transparent – Trust Me « Corprah Lanfrey We get a compliment and we claim humbleness or act like we already know it but “thanks anyway”. There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention, sometimes. Right? Wrong. Why do you need attention? Why do you want attention? Why does anyone elses opinion matter? … I get angry … because I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I’ve been used and I’ve used others. The change comes when you realize BOTH are wrong. […]

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