We All Still Miss You

4 April 2009 at 11:37 pm (Family)


Today marks the one year anniversary that my grandmother left this earth and moved onto a better place. Today is a day for me to be happy within all my memories of her but to be sad in my sense of loss and knowledge no more memories will be created. My grandmother passed last year from lung cancer. A disease unbefitting of her because she never smoked a day in her life. Her suffering was not without pain but it was relatively quick. Good for her but sad for us, as her health declined so rapidly. BUT, the good thing was that we were all able to say our goodbyes. My last memories of my grandmother are not good ones.

My grandmother used to speed through the hills of Nova Scotia earning her a jokingly yet loving name of Hot Foot. I inherited my dislike for slow walkers in the mall and on the streets from her. She was not a woman that moved slow in any way. But the last time I seen my grandmother she was still, frail and fragile, vulnerable and unconscious laying in her deathbed. I sat by her side and didn’t know what to say. I sat stiffly and, unsure of myself, just held her hand and didn’t do much else. I couldn’t. This woman laying before me was Mum, as I called her, but she wasn’t all the same.

I didn’t do too well after she passed. I had a lot of regret and shame for certain things but I remember sitting watching TV in the few days after she was gone and seeing a commercial flash her name across the screen. Plain as day. I don’t remember the commercial. And I haven’t seen it since. But it was then and there I knew she was OK. She was at peace and she was telling me that any regrets I had to not have them; to let them go, because she will always love me regardless.

 Whether she’s physically with me or not. I miss her. I’ll always miss her. And while my very last memories of her are unpleasant ones, my all over memories of her are amazing. I am her namesake. And I am STILL proud to be her granddaughter.

Mum, I love you. I miss you and I know you are watching over me. I know it. And I know you are resting in peace with your sisters, your beloved husband and all our deceased loved ones.

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. Ildino said,

    Cori when i read this, it brought tears to my eyes fo real. I must say, i know exactly how it is to loose grandparents, ive lost all of mine, and all i have is 1 grandmother whom i have not seen in over 7 years.

    My love goes out to you and i know your grandmother is up in heaven resting in peace.

    Keep your head up girl!

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      Aww, Thank you so much, Ildino. Your comment means a lot to me! Its hard because you know they are resting in peace but a part of you just wants them back. Even if its only for one day, you know? Losing my grandmother was hard because she is the only one I’ve ever known. All my other grandparents passed long before I was born. They died young. But I just have to remember our good times. I think that will be the best thing for all involved.

  2. Ildino said,

    That is exactly what is best. The good times are most important but we all know life also has its bad moments. Im most certain though that any bad memories you have of you and your grandmother or anything you may feel guilty about, she forgives you and she would just want you to live life strong without any fear and full of love. Every moment we have here on this planet is precious and we should live it to the fullest. Always remember your grandmother, never forget where you came from! Plus you already know i got you Cori! The whole team got you..

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      I hear you. If I learned anything from her it was all that u just stated 🙂
      Ur gonna make me cry, homie. Thank you again. Ur words are just what I need when I get too lost in my thoughts and memories.

  3. Ildino said,

    Nah no need to thank me styll, i got you! Holla at me soon when you see me online, i have an idea for you to do some guest posts on 1vibe.net. Ill let you know more details later.

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      perfect. i’ll hit u up when i see you on!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: