Love: An Emotion Learned Or Felt?

11 March 2009 at 3:04 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , )

Could you learn to love someone? Up until recently, I’ve laughed at this notion.  You can’t learn to love someone, I’d say. You either feel it or you don’t. BUT, I’ve seen it happen recently, where feelings that we’re never there previously suddenly blossomed into a real and true love or so it seems. No, I’m not referring to me, so unfortunately my insight will be completely third party. I was a skeptic and I’m still wary of the idea I can LEARN  to love someone, but I no longer believe its impossible.

My girl says that you are definitely able to learn to love someone. She says she has done it. But she’s also currently single. Here is my thing: if I feel I have to train myself to learn to love a man then I better make that work. I better make that last. It would be a waste of my time if it didn’t, no? Why? Because more than likely, when I come across someone I FEEL love for, the guy that I had to LEARN to love will be left in the dust. So, I believe it’s possible to learn to love someone, but I don’t believe it’s the right thing to do.  In my opinion, people that LEARN to love someone, are settling and just need to have someone there. Otherwise, whats wrong with being single and waiting to fall in love with someone you actually have said feelings FOR? Why train yourself to love a person where there is just no romantic feelings or attraction between you?

Are you loving someone because of what they can do for you? Or what they have? What are the reasons you would forgo waiting for the love of your life to just learn to love a person you have no romantic feelings for? I don’t get it. Example: you know someone who has all their shit together and who is successful and determined and a good person. Maybe even a great friend, BUT, there is just no chemistry or love or romance, or attraction or ANYTHING for that matter. Moving on, you see they can do a lot for you or add a lot to your life or future so you decide to align yourself with them and force (yes,  I said force lol) yourself to start to having feelings. WHY!? Is that shallow? Smart? A great business deal? Selling out? Settling? What? What would you classify that as? I’m sure celebraties fake relationships all the time, but they get paid to act. Do you?

I’m sorry but I can’t fake nor force my feelings for people. I can tone them down, for example, if i can’t stand someone. I can be civil or courteous (based on the situation), but I will never love someone I don’t love. It doesn’t work that way and if there are people out there that can manipulate how they feel, you all need to write a book on how to do it. When it comes to love, I think everyone would love to know how to not feel hurt, joy, pain and lust regarding the objects of their affections. I know I would!

For me, when it comes to love, I have to feel in my heart, body, and mind that this is someone that stimulates me. If they don’t, there isn’t much I can do to change that. I have a couple guys that want to be with me and for a couple reasons I just can’t get passed not having that connection. I tried, because I could be missing out, but I just COULDN’T. How do you get passed that? With one guy, it was something he did on a date MANY years ago, that I just cannot forgive him for. I can be civil and cordial but if it were up to me, I’d wipe that event out of my memory. There is nothing wrong with him physically, nor is he a “bum” or stupid but one event has caused me to be tainted in any thinking there will ever be anything between us. I refuse to fool myself. The other guy, more or less the same, nothing wrong with him, but I just don’t see or feel anything towards him. No curiosity at all. I just respect him as my friend and nothing more. Again, how do you get passed that?

There are way too many men and women in this world to feel you have to learn to love someone for what they can do for you!  I just don’t get why you’d want to forgo waiting for that special someone that gives you butterflies, makes you smile at the most random of times and whom you can’t wait to just hold, hug and kiss. That’s the best part of love. Why would you want to force yourself to feel those things? Is it even possible to teacher yourself to feel butterflies? Why don’t you just want to FEEL it? I wonder if these people actually don’t WANT to feel that love, and they want to be detached from it and THAT is essentially why they choose to learn to love rather than feel it. Maybe some people have been so hurt, they are scared to allow themselves to feel, so they go for someone they usually wouldn’t and then force feelings so they don’t get too attached. Who knows? I feel like I’m talking gibberish now, because I am speaking on an issue I don’t completely understand. I know its possible, I just don’t know why someone would choose to do that.

I  think it’s that a lot of people just aren’t comfortable with being single. Especially single for as long as it takes til those feelings DO happen naturally. I’ve always said, I would rather be single til I’m 40 and eventually find the love of my life than to find myself in loveless relationships just for the convenience of saying I have someone. But that’s just me.

If anyone reading this has any insight or just a comment, I would love to hear your opinions.



  1. hayley said,

    I don’t think you should make yourself learn to LOVE someone….but girl sometimes you have to make yourself LIKE someone!! lol

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      haha! Swirl, that’s a great point!! 😉

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