Make Ups To Break Ups

2 March 2009 at 12:23 pm (Life, Love & Relationships) (, , , , , )

I’ve been there, though I’ve never understood the concept. Does that make sense? When do matters of the heart ever make sense? I saw a friend’s status on Facebook today and it got me thinking. Not just about my own matters of the heart, but of this issue in general.

There were many times when I was going through it with my ex. My ex and I had so many break ups to make ups that I started getting used to it. I started to believe that breaking up was actually a PART of my relationship. Sad way to get through the storm, I tell you. But what I didn’t realize, at the time, was that with every break up and get back together I was starting to care less and less. I was becoming numb. We’d break up and I’d shrug it off and not cry. Why bother crying knowing that we’d just get back together when the dust settled?  Then, when the final break up came, it was like – so what?  THAT bothered me more than the actual break up because this was someone I had loved for the better part of 5+ years. WHY has it come down to not giving a damn whether I’m with him or not? And it wasn’t just that I didn’t give a damn because that’s what I was telling myself to make the pain easier. It was that I REALLY didn’t give a damn. There was no pain there. Therefore there was no lies needing to be told to make it better.

In speaking from experience, I’ve always said that breaking up just to get back together doesn’t make your relationship stronger. It damages it. Sometimes beyond repair. That’s not saying that you can’t ever have time apart, or a “break” or what have you. Sometimes that’s needed. I’m just saying, doing it over and over is what’s harmful. I mean, you have to understand that by doing that you are taking each other for granted. You are assuming that the break ups are OK because you will be right back with them when you stop being so angry. Fine. But what happens when that doesn’t happen and someone or both of you wisen up?

When you love someone, you take a break or you break up as a last resort. You may go on loving that person but you’ve finally realized that they arent what you want or need. Or the stress of the relationship is beneath you. So, why then, do you come to that conclusion to only go back? I understand that love makes us do crazy things. I went back each time because I loved him and believed he was the one for me. And I owed it to try all I could. BUT … and there IS a but … if he was “the one” for me, why is there so much arguing and pain? Why are we breaking up and not working through it? If there is all this love, then why does it seem like its not enough? The answers are really quite simple, but they are often NEVER what you want to hear.

I believe that when times get hard in a relationship, the healthiest thing to do is take a step back, but not away, and work it out. Talk about it, argue about it, discuss it but don’t LEAVE it. What good can become of that?  The minute you turn your back on the person you claim to love and walk away from them without trying your best to resolve it, is just another nail in the relationships coffin.

If you get to the point where you can’t deal with it anymore and you say that goodbye, REMEMBER that for when you are entertaining the idea of getting back together. People need to understand their own worth. KNOW YOUR WORTH. Know what you deserve. You are deserving of someone that will love you and fight for you and not turn their backs on you and leave the minute times gets tough. That’s the mark of a weak individual. No one should want to be with a weak individual. Even if you love them. You are deserving of someone that stays and fights the good fight. That is the person that you will never leave and have to make up and break up only to make up with over and over and over.

We all have to learn from our mistakes so despite all I’ve said, anyone going through it right now … take the route you are but don’t be a dummy about it. Learn from it. Look at your life and just know your worth. Always remember that when you think it can’t get any better it will. It always gets bad before it gets better but it DOES get better. Allow yourself that time, because it will make you a stronger person when you come out of it. If I can promise you anything, I can promise you that.



  1. Mz. Fenyx said,

    I really thought for a while, that people who can break up and make up that often was normal. But, then again…as you pointed out…how could it? Thanks for addressing this!

    • Corprah Lanfrey said,

      you’re most welcome!!! i try u know i try 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: