Why Should I Lower My Standards To Be Happy?

21 October 2008 at 10:38 am (Love & Relationships, Rants) (, , , , , , , , , , )

I’ve been thinking about something my girl asked me on Saturday night, while at dinner. It left a large enough impression obviously, to evoke some thought and a  blog.

During a discussion, I had said something along the lines of, “There aren’t many men with their shit together these days” and she asked me, point blank: “Would you ever date someone that’s ugly?” and I looked at her like she was crazy! “Heck no!”, was my reply and she’s like, “Well, there u go. A lot of ugly men have their shit together.” She sure shut me up. lol.

I felt kinda bad but then I didn’t. Here’s why. Ugly is a matter of personal preference. As is beauty. What may be ugly to me may not be ugly to you and vice versa.  So long as *I* have an attraction to my man, I don’t much care how he’s viewed in others’ eyes. I’ve pretty much had these principals since my teen years and I don’t think they’ll change anytime soon. A lot of my friends will say I’ve had some GREAT looking men in my life, and OK, maybe so. But I’ve also dated men that weren’t AS desirable as they claim. But ugly? No. I don’t (and I won’t) date ugly men. Sorry. It may be shallow and all, but when I say I don’t like ugly men, I’m referring to types that resemble celebrities like Flava Flav, Craig Mack, Shabba Ranks and etc. Those are UGLY men to me. I could never see myself with a person like that. We’re talking physical attributes here. All those men listed could be amazingly nice and good people but I’m not an ugly woman and I think I deserve to have someone (at the very least) decent on my arm. That’s not to say I’ll date a man that’s not handsome. Let’s clear that up. I don’t mind dating an average or even below average guy. I don’t mind dating someone that may be considered unattractive. But ugly? UGLY!? No.

What I don’t think I should have to do in order to be happy is lower my standards or expectations of what *I* believe to be attractive. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a handsome man that ALSO has his shit together. I don’t think I should settle for an ugly man JUST because he’s doing better in life.  Why can’t I have both? Maybe I don’t have the right to complain or make the comment I did seeing as how I have such a desire for wanting both, but ….. damn.  What I want is what I want is what I want!

I mean, I’m a very affectionate and sexual person. I can’t kiss, hug or cuddle with a Flava Flav look a like. If I sat here and said I could, I’d be lying. Plain and simple, I’d be a liar. I just can’t do it. My friend says she believes you can grow to love someone, even if they’re ugly. And maybe that’s true. For some people. That doesn’t apply to me, though. If I can’t get past the thought of swapping spit with you, then I’m definitely not trying to “learn to love you”. Again, we’re talking UGLY here. TROLLS. Not unattractive men.

I’d sooner be single for 10 years and continue to date and find the right person for me rather than rush into a relationship with an ugly man just to say I have someone. I don’t NEED a man to make me happy, though it would be NICE to have someone in my life. Because I’m not desperate (yet – lol) and I don’t absolutely have to HAVE a boyfriend, I can wait. I’m OK with that. If I hit my 40’s and I’m still alone and getting a little batty because I have no one to share my life with MAYBE then I’ll find a Carrot Top looking partner.  But then and ONLY then. Ugh.



  1. D Inspectah said,


    not all ugly men have their shit together. a lot of them are arrogant or haven’t had a proper relationship or the know how to treat women right. and if you prefer your men a certain way, you shouldn’t lower your standards.

    and on the flip side, its like saying that all handsome men DON’T have their shit together. some do, but they can be hard to find.

    unfortunately relationships are a hit or miss situations. handsome or “ugly”

    some dudes that look like dogs, ACT like dogs as well. trust me on that one!

    and girl, if you hit 40 and need batty on the regular… its called BOB – a Battery Operated Boyfriend.. mmmmkay?!

  2. Corprah Lanfrey said,



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