It’s Easy To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

27 September 2008 at 10:32 am (Love & Relationships) (, , , , , , )


       I’ve learned A LOT these past couple of months. About friendship. This summer started off extremely well. It was fun and busy. Met some new people, always had somewhere to go and something to do every weekend. I was laughing. But this summer was definitely a summer I won’t forget. I took a step out of my comfort zone to have a great time. Now, I’m wondering if that was such a good idea. My desire to try something new, something I hadn’t tried in years, has overshadowed a striking reality check.

I’ve always kept a small group of very trusted friends. People I’ve known a long time. People I didn’t see all the time so that I wouldn’t get sick of them. I didn’t confide in a lot of people. I kept to myself. I was happy with that and comfortable. I didn’t trust a lot of people. My inner circle was solid, tight and wonderful. I always got along better with guys but I decided my female friendships, although not common, they were SOLID. You see, I never used to really like females nor did I trust them. But in the past few years that’s changed. I reckon it would be due to me growing up and growing out of the “game” mode and entering into womanhood; adulthood. It had a lot to do with leaving the bullshit behind. So, I stepped out of that comfort zone and decided to broaden my circle. And I regret it. Even though I learned from it, I regret it. 

I’ve always been a pleasant person. Pleasant until pushed to be anything but. I get along with everyone. People of every race, age, background. If you’re good people, you’re good people. I won’t discredit you for anything because I am not in the position to do so. BUT, like most, I have a sense for people. A good sense. I’m usually a great judge of character. But, some people are REALLY good. They fool you. Some can do it for only a few days, a few weeks but there are some that can do it for YEARS. These people you REALLY have to watch out for. I give them the (not so) coveted name of “A SHEEP IN WOLVES CLOTHING”. These people are usually snakes that want to do nothing but suck the life and happiness out of you. They can come in male form but rarely do they NOT come in the form of a female. Most females in general are spiteful, vengeful creatures by habit. They are manipulative, jealous, conniving, petty, catty and insecure.

I thought I had friends that were completely devoid of the aforementioned traits. I thought I had friends that were confident and honest and truthful and forthcoming. (And don’t get me wrong, I do. And I love them. And they know who they are.) But what is a friend? A friend is someone you hold dear to you because you regard them highly and trust them. You expect them to tell you the truth, to have your back, to be honest at all times (even when it hurts). You expect them to be happy for you when something good happens. What you don’t expect is for them to be sheisty and back stabbing and liars and cheaters. But then again, when you look back after a revelation, you’ll often see and notice that they never were an actual FRIEND to begin with. More an acquaintance that just happened to be around more than not.

When you start to realize you’ve been duped you become super hyper-sensitive to everything else they do. It almost makes you paranoid and wary. You actually question if its you and not them. Who wants to believe their friend is a fraud? No one, right? You try your best to give them the benefit of the doubt; you make excuses for them because you are in denial. THEN, when it becomes too much to bear you realize no matter WHAT YOU DO, THIS IS WHO THEY ARE. And how do you cope when it gets to that point?

Usually, I would confront someone and out rightly tell them I think they are bogus and a fraud and a bitch or whatever other word will come to mind. Usually, I verbalize my hurt, disappointment, anger and ire. But sometimes, saying nothing at all is the sweetest way to do it. I want to say revenge here but no one is trying to one up the other. Sometimes, certain things are better left unsaid. It can give the “friend” a chance to sit and think about their wrongs. It can give them a chance to decipher what they did rather than just being told. MAYBE this time they’ll understand the depth of their actions. Or maybe not.

What I was blind to before was my so-called friends “history.” Her history of never keeping the same friends for a long time. I found it odd but didn’t question it. Now I see why.

I have no reason to say a word to her because I have no desire to salvage the “friendship”. To me its beyond saving or reconciliation and therefore I want nothing more to do with her. It’s just a shame that the ultimate reason for this blog was because of a GUY. You’d think once you  reach a certain age, female friendships wouldn’t break down because of a penis. But this one did. And not on my account. I did what I was asupposed to do as a friend. I did my part. I made sure of it. What’s funny is that I chose her over him because that’s what good friends do. That’s what good friends are supposed to do. Men come and go but friendships are forever. I learned that lil golden rule AGES ago but I’ve since learned that not everyone deserves to play by those rules. Some men deserve to stay and some friendships deserve to go. But as a woman that is constantly learning and growing, THAT particular lesson came a tad too late. But for next time, I’ll be more aware. The best thing to do in situations like these is to learn from your mistakes.

And boy, learning I did. Always keep your eyes open to those around you. The smiles you see are forced upside down frowns. Nothing more, nothing less. No one likes to see another person TOO happy all the time. UNLESS they are your TRUE friend. And TRUE friends are rare. Just like a GOOD MAN is rare. When you have either/or, hold onto them. You may never get that chance, again.

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