I Hate Men (carried over from BlogSpot)

3 June 2007 at 6:44 pm (Life)


So.

Its not like I hate men in the sense that I’ve turned into a vagina loving lesbian. I just don’t like men very much. I’m a woman that’s been lied to, deceived, manipulated, abused and misled.

They say you should look in the mirror if you have a history of failed relationships and if this was 3-4 years ago I would’ve argued til I was blue in the face. However, after a failed engagement, I realized I need to fall back and take a look at myself. My values, my morals, what i want out of a partner and out of life. What I want out of myself. And I took a long time to do that. I allowed myself to feel bitter and angry and sad and depressed. I allowed myself to heal.

I did me.

Then when I was ready I got back in the game. The dating game. WHICH I LOATHE.

Anyway, I know what I want. I know what I will and will not settle for. But I have a problem. I wear my heart and emotions on my sleeve. I allow my heart to take on people and their problems even if they aren’t deserving. And I’m constantly taken advantage of. The thing is. I am who I am and while I’m willing to compromise and meet people half way, I’m not willing to change who I am. I like who I am. I cant be a cold person. I cant turn my emotions off just like that. I need someone who can just see that and appreciate it and not feel compelled to hurt me every chance they get!

Its not in me to be a rude person. I’m not conniving and I don’t tell untruths. I’m honest. I have this feeling that if I was a bitch. Or a hoe … or if I was out to ruin lives I would be the happiest (and i use that term loosely) person in the world.

You know … I’m not going to pretend that I enjoy being alone. Because I don’t. Fact of the matter is … it SUCKS being alone. But I’m not content with just being with someone for the sake of being with someone.

I don’t know why I’m single. Maybe I’m too strong willed and opinionated and I intimidate guys. I don’t know.

I’m very misunderstood I think.

But with all the promises that have been made to me and all the times I’ve been let down, I’ve come to the realization that I don’t much like the opposite sex. And it used to bother me that I was at this point but now I don’t care. And that kind of scares me. But when someone is fed up and they’ve had enough …. what do you expect them to do?

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