If you are having a hard time buying for that special someone on your list … or even just a SOMEONE then fear no more. I usually find it extremely hard to buy for my mother. She’ll usually give me the “Oh you don’t have to get me a thing, baby” speech but when I dig and pester enough, there are always a few things she’d LIKE to have. I wish she was easier to buy for. It’s not because she’s picky or ungrateful. She’s just the opposite. If I got my mom a bag of soil she’d smile delightedly and state she could plant flowers in the Spring even though gardening isn’t her thing and never has been. She’s just happy and grateful for anything and it’s this fact that makes her so hard to buy for. I always want to get her something she will ACTUALLY like and find useful. Not something for the house but for HER and other than the usual perfume, CD’s or robes and pajamas staples, she rarely lists off things for herself. I was perusing the web and there was a great site I came across for the Top Gifts of 2009. Have a look! We’re getting down to the wire, folk. Only 5 1/2 days left! Personally I’m completely enchanted by the Kindle reading device. It’s pricey as all hell but it’s something I’m thinking of buying for myself. This site has everything from shopping for newborns and toddlers to the avid reader and gamer. There’s something for everyone!
Archive for the 'Life' Category
Top Christmas Gifts For 2009.
I re-posted a piece previous to this post about successfully maintaining a relationship. It was crazy informative and the writer related well to her readers (or such is my opinion) but then it got me to thinking … especially about the first point of: “Be good friends” wherein my opinion on the matter is that men and women CAN’T be friends. I wonder then, if this means when you first meet someone, you don’t rush and become friends with the INTENT of a relationship to follow, rather than date a friend you may have had in your life for awhile and one day said “gee, I wonder ….. what would happen if ….” – I know that’s an earful but I hope you followed. Either situation proves my point: men and women cannot be friends but the way in which one would go about it could make all the difference. I’m rambling now and this isnt even the point of this post. Moving on …….
Let’s discuss Mr. Right. Where is he? Does he exist? Mr. Right is not to be confused with Mr. Right Now. No, Mr. Right Now comes in the form of a booty call, a one night stand, a vibrator or your index and middle fingers. No, see, Mr. Right is indeed THE man. The BEST man for the “job” if you will. He’s a committed sort … a man devoted to friendships within relationships, trust, honour, devotion, and fidelity. He exists in the minds of single women, young and old, everywhere. They either turn him into their favourite actor, singer or athlete (though, we ALL know celebrities – generally – make CRAP Mr. Rights) or they make him up completely out of thin air. I wonder, do we make up such a super man and adhere these “regular” guys to these impossible standards? Probably. Is it fair to always look at your friends or family members relationships and want a man just like theirs? Who knows? I mean … no one REALLY knows what a couple goes through (not matter what is told to you in confidence) other than those two people. Do you wish upon a star for a Mr. Right? I can’t even lie. Once upon a time I did. I’m not ashamed to say so but I’m ashamed to believe he’d actually materialize out of nowhere. I know I have to help fate along when it comes to this sort of thing, but where do we even begin!?
Say Mr. Right DOES exist. Where can we find him? I say, not in a club. Not unless your Mr. Right consists of a bothersome, sweaty and overbearing “man” that finds his mission in life is to bring you home and make maddening love to you. That’s not Mr. Right. That’s not even Mr. Right Now. That, my friends, is Mr. Stay Far Away.
Some would tell you church but …. past experiences have told ME that freaks and hypocrites live in church. That’s all I want to say about that.
Some would say the best way to find Mr. Right is to look closer to home – at your friends or … whatever. I think this is a possibility but I wouldn’t look there. Most of the guys I’m friends with are either ugly or just fake a true friendship in order to eventually fuck me. Hey, I’m being real. I probably have two TRULY platonic male friendships. I’m sure if I threw myself at them they MAY take me up on it but the point is that I respect them and our friendship enough to not do that – and in my heart I know they feel the same way about me. To each their own, though. You often here about the nice, wholesome girl, pining for her best friend of 10 years and he looks at her as nothing more than a sister. But when he’s whored himself out and wants to settle his overactive penis down, he rings her up but she’s moved on with Jamal, the hot body rapper than treats her like shit. *Sigh* +1 for the rappers.
Some would say the best place to meet Mr. Right is at school or a job. Yay for the former, nay to the latter. I think school is a good place. At least you know he’s about his education and has SOME intellect and / or sense. It also shows he has ambitions to BE something / someone someday. The job thing is a little trickier. I suppose if you were working for a huge corporation it may be OK but smaller offices are hard … not just to work in (you can’t hide shit) but definitely for an office romance. Don’t even think about boning your boss unless you feel its absolutely worth the risk. And by risk I mean, people finding out, or worse: losing your job.
There are so many other places – the library, the mall, the bank line on a Friday afternoon (pay week of course) and in the Frozen Food or Fresh Produce aisle – but again, does he EVEN exist? I don’t know. I’m not even sure. What I can and will say though, is that you have to find whats a perfect match for YOU. Surely, MY Mr. Right will not be the same as YOUR Mr. Right. Other than the obvious general things like good hygiene and not addicted to crack. The most important thing is to find someone that compliments you and is perfect for YOU and doesn’t fit societies ideal of what is perfect or RIGHT. Society is all kinds of messed up. Don’t pay attention to it. Society’s standards are like wet dogs – disgustingly offensive and ………. smelly?
I just want to state for the record, Mr. Right CAN exist but it truly depends on your idea of what Mr. Right is (and again, who he is to and for you). Mr. Right shouldn’t be confused for Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect is a figment of a retards imagination. He doesn’t exist. I can unequivocally ASSURE you of this! Mr. Right is flawed but he is flawed in a way where he makes mistakes and learns from them, hence he’s imperfect. But still RIGHT. Get it? OK!
Good luck to anyone out there looking for that right person. And if you happen to meet a Mr. Right that isn’t good for you but you think he could be for someone else, hit me up. Tell me where he’s at. Give him the URL to this post, tell him to write me.
I think this article written by Shayla Duval is amazing and on point. And not just because I recognize the mistakes I’ve made but because it makes complete sense even for the dumbest person to understand. LOL.
1. Be good friends
If your image of an ideal relationship is based on anything you’ve seen in a mainstream chick-flick, do yourself a favour and catapult that image out of your head right now.You know how we girls complain that porn gives men unrealistic expectations of women? Well chick-flicks are the female porn: they tell us that out there waiting for all of us is a perfect, one-dimensional, “normal” man – and such a creature just doesn’t exist.
Chances are, the majority of us aren’t going to marry men who are conventionally gorgeous, who don’t fart around us and think it’s hilarious, who aren’t into some unusual sex thing that (at least initially) weirds us out, who don’t watch porn… Guaranteed: the guy you end up with is going to have at least one of these things “wrong” with him.
So I say worry less about romance. It has its place, sure, but at the end of the day what you’re really looking for is someone you can be friends with. For me, that means things like being a good listener, having some common interests and sharing my sense of humour. These are the things that are going to help you stand each other’s company for extended periods of time and keep you together when things get rough.
Being friends before you enter into a romantic relationship is probably the ideal way to go about this, but sometimes not the most realistic way. If you date right from the start, the best advice is probably just to take it slow and focus on getting to know each other.If the guy you’re dating keeps pressing to move faster, physically or emotionally, take it as a sign that you two want different things.
2. Give sex the respect it deserves
This might sound uncharacteristically old-fashioned of me (and maybe even unrealistic– I don’t actually know, I haven’t started dating a guy since high school), but I believe in waiting a good while before having sex with a guy if you’re serious about looking for a relationship. It’s not because I have any problem with casual sex or because I think it will ruin what would otherwise have been the perfect relationship (and in fact, I know at least one long-term couple who had sex before they started dating); it’s because having sex releases bonding hormones in women. Basically, if you have sex with a guy, your body might trick you into having feelings for him or being committed to him, even if he’s not actually a great match for you.
That being said, once you’re in a relationship, sex takes on a different kind of importance. I’ve already dedicated a whole article to this topic, so I won’t repeat myself too much, but let me briefly reiterate: whatever your thoughts, desires and beliefs about sex are, they’re okay – as long as you share all that with your partner and you come to some understanding and compromise that works for both of you.
3. Don’t expect him to change
There are some things that change naturally in a relationship: couples do tend, with time, to become a little more similar to each other in terms of common interests, habits and even some beliefs. For the most part, however, what you see in a man is what you get. His chronic tardiness, his addiction to his work, his obsession with sports, his love of recreational drugs – whatever it is that might bug you about him, chances are it’s here to stay.
You can try to change him, but be warned: most guys don’t want to change. Most menpeople want to be loved and accepted the way they are. When we feel like our partner’s love for us is highly conditional (or is based on the belief that we’ll change in the future), things sometimes turn sour.
So what can you do? Ask yourself some hard questions: if I knew for certain that this is the person he’s going to be for the rest of his life, would I stay with him? Can I live with and accept him just as he is? If the answer to those questions isn’t “yes,” you need to decide how long you’re willing to wait for changes that may never happen.
4. Argue constructively
I have a personal rule about when things piss me off in my relationship: either call it out or get over it. If I’m really, truly mad about something and I think Andrew caused or contributed to it, I tell him I’m angry at him and why. I know a lot of girls who sulk and expect guys to figure it all out on their own, but that usually takes like ten times longer to get things resolved (if the guy’s astute enough to even notice you’re angry).
I don’t use angry language, I just basically say, “Andrew, you left your evening dishes in the sink and just expected me to do them because I do the breakfast dishes so you can get to work on time. I’m angry about it because I feel like you’re taking my generosity for granted.” And then he’ll say, “No, I thought we agreed that this was one of your chores” or (preferably) “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I appreciate you always doing the breakfast dishes and I’ll try to remember to do my own other dishes from now on.”Either way, we’ve reached the point where we’re discussing the problem and making progress.
If you decide it’s not a big enough issue to discuss, get over it. Don’t sulk about it privately and hold it against the other person, because they have no idea what they’ve done and it’s not fair.
Alternatively, sometimes it’s okay to be just mad. There are times when I’m pissed at Andrew, and the rational part of my brain knows it isn’t his fault, but I’m still just madabout the whole thing. Instead of taking it out on him or trying to “cheer up” when I’m spitting fire, I find it works best for me to just say to him, “I know this isn’t your fault, but I just can’t help feeling mad at the situation. I need to spend some time away from you for a little bit to cool down, and I swear I’ll be over it by the next time you see me.You don’t need to do anything – just leave me alone for a bit and I’ll get over it.”
The most important thing is to stay focused. Your goal here is to resolve the issue, and the best way to do that is to be constructive. Resist the urge to say things just to hurt the other person’s feelings, even if they’ve hurt yours.
5. Know and support each other
Do you ever wonder about what the real purpose of a romantic relationship might be?Yeah, sure, biologically it’s supposed to be about producing and raising children and all that, but what about beyond that? Personally, I think it’s about just being a team. It’s about taking care of each other, sharing your life with each other and the comfort that comes with knowing there’s someone who’ll be there for you when you need them.
The first step to supporting someone is to know them. No, I’m not just repeating #1. I think it’s really important to ask about your partner’s aspirations, fears and beliefs. If all went perfectly well, where would they like to be in ten years? In twenty? What do they think is the most important thing in life? What choices do they regret? These are important questions to ask, not just once but periodically because people change. The only way you can hope to know an ever-changing being (not just a romantic partner, but friends and family members too) on such an intimate level is to ask them important questions from time to time and listen hard.
Just talking to someone about their life and their goals helps them to evaluate their progress and think about the steps they need to take to achieve their dreams. It also helps you to stay connected as a team and keep you aware of where you’re headed together.
Well, that’s my two cents – take it or leave it. As usual, I turn the discussion over to you guys: what are your top tips for finding the right person and making a relationship work?
Always A Dog?
There’s always been great debate on the idea of “once a cheater always a cheater” … akin to “once a dog always dog” .. PLEASE take in this convo I had with a friend of mine and tell me if you agree:
*note: certain identifying remarks, names, and instances have been blacked out for obvious reasons*
This conversation took place because we were discussing ANOTHER conversation someone had mentioned to me about learning his lesson from cheating:
With all this being said, I can’t ignore his point but I would hate to believe this is the case. I always said people can change if they want to, but NOT if they feel obligated or forced to. What my boy is telling me though, is that sure he COULD but why would he when its in his system and has no way to rid himself of it. *ETERNAL SAD FACE*
What say you on this matter? Is he right?
Lies vs. Truths.
“I have to (lie to myself) … the truth does NOT set you free. It sets you back.” © DaiN
Haunting.
Ryan Adams did a great cover of one of my favourite Oasis joints. I feel like this version and the arrangement accompanying it make me feel completely different than the original. It’s haunting and inspiring. If you’ve never heard it, enjoy.
AMEN!
“You can forgive someone but God’s people are soldiers not doormats.” © Darcel Anderson
So yesterday I literally hit up almost every guy I know with the intention of gaining information about a blog I wanted to write. MSN, Facebook, BBM … I asked them all the same question. I was pleased with the answers. The question was:
“How do you feel about a girl that sucks dick TOO good? Would you assume off the bat she’s a hoe?”
I hope all my friends were honest with me. With the exception of one, all of them said no. And even the one that said no was on the fence about the issue.
My reason for asking was because I’d heard the notion a few times that a woman who is TOO good at sex or certain aspects of it is suspect. Maybe she’s been around the block and a hoe. But *I* always took it as, maybe she is just good at what she does and she got that way through being with ONE man (or even two) and learning over time how to please him. I mean if someone, for example, is in a long-term relationship they pretty much have LOTS of practice, no? I just feel that someone saying a sexually experienced woman could equate to being a slut, is unfair and infuriating.
I don’t want the next person I’m with to assume these things about me if we have an amazing experience together. I never even really thought of it in the way it was presented to me before the other day. I honestly thought a man would appreciate a woman who knows what she’s doing and is able to please him – call me naive but I never imagined he’d get it in his head she was a hoe because of how good she makes him feel. Odd! This was also a reason to ask. I guess the majority feel like myself and would think the woman just knows her stuff due to her previous relationship(s) .. keyword being RELATIONSHIPS and not encounters or sessions. Feel me?
One of my boys counteracted my question with: “If I know how to eat pussy really well, would I be a hoe?” Valid question, sure, but let’s not kid ourselves. We live in a world of double standards; right or wrong. I highly doubt the same logic would apply to a male.
The ONE person said he was torn between the two notions, said he would wonder a bit but wouldn’t assume shes an outright hoe. I guess that’s fair. Her sexual history VERY well could play a part but just like a woman could gain expertise with many men so could a woman with ONE man. I’ve always said having a lot of sex doesn’t mean a woman has had lot of partners. You could have more sex in a committed relationship than with 20 men on 20 separate occasions, follow? Assumptions like these ones are dangerous. You draw conclusions about a person without asking and then its like … what do you even ask? Most people aren’t ready to hear the true numbers of their s/o’s previous sexual partners so most don’t ask. So how do you avoid wondering if your woman is a hoe while she’s down there curling your toes and making your eyes roll back in your head?
You just take her for who she is to YOU. You look at how she treats you and makes YOU feel and don’t worry about what is being said about her from other people. People DO lie … people DO like to destroy anothers’ happiness. Misery loves company. In a relationship you have to make it about the two of you. Trust is important, communication is important! Without these things what kind of relationship do you even have? Without those things you will allow outsiders to infiltrate a good thing. You surely don’t make such an assumption about someone you are with or care to be with. If she’s a jumpoff or buss it baby then that’s a completely different story altogether. Just be happy knowing you have a woman who is willing to do almost anything to please you and make you feel good – as you should for her. Right?
Oprah Winfrey To End Her Show
The media mogul Oprah Winfrey will end her iconic daytime talk show, “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” in 2011 as she prepares to start a cable channel of her own.
A spokeswoman for Ms. Winfrey’s production company confirmed Thursday evening that Ms. Winfrey will make the announcement on her program on Friday. The plans were first reported by WABC, the ABC station in New York City.
“The sun will set on the Oprah show as its 25th season draws to a close on September 9, 2011,” WABC said.
In a statement, CBS Television Distribution said, “We have the greatest respect for Oprah and wish her nothing but the best in her future endeavors. We know that anything she turns her hand to will be a great success. We look forward to working with her for the next several years, and hopefully afterwards as well.”
Ms. Winfrey, 55, informed her talk show staff of the decision on Thursday afternoon. The news immediately rattled the television world, which had expected that she would make a decision about the fate of her program by the end of the year.
After her broadcast talk show winds down, Ms. Winfrey will concentrate exclusively on her forthcoming cable channel, OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. The channel is a joint venture between her production company and Discovery Communications. Getting the channel off the ground has proved challenging amid management turnover and an uncertain advertising climate.
OWN will have its premiere on cable in January 2011, according to a person with knowledge of Ms. Winfrey’s decision who insisted on anonymity. That timeline will theoretically give Ms. Winfrey about nine months to promote her cable channel on her existing show.
“The Oprah Winfrey Show” remains the most successful talk show in syndication, reaching about seven million viewers a day. It has been vital to the success of ABC, whose local station group has been the primary home of the show since it started in syndication in 1986.
.... Says What?