I Cry Everytime I Listen

… this still remains one of my all-time favourite songs … along with one of my favourite songs by Tracy Chapman.

Blue Foundation.

I.Love.It.

Honesty, Loyalty, Good Looks … But Where’s Compatibility!?

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they are single? You look at them and see a gorgeous human being and wonder how THEY cannot possibly have a partner. Then when you look at your own life, and some of the lives around you, you realize that being single has VERY little to do with physical appearance. Let’s not get it twisted; no one is saying that looks don’t play a part in getting a partner but do your looks sustain that partner? If they did you would see attractive people everywhere in long lasting relationships. Being in a relationship you have to rely on more than how great you may or may not look.

I think I’ve figured out the main reason as to why people are having such a hard time with relationships these days. Infedelity and lack of trust are common occurances, as well as the other obvious things, but I’ve discovered another issue. Something that doesn’t usually come up when someone asks for what people look for in their S/O’s: compatibility. I have reason to believe that compatibility is actually the means to a happy relationship. Sure, so is communication, honesty, loyalty blah blah blah but … think about it for a second.

In speaking of myself I have not been a stranger to true love. It hasnt evaded me at all in the times since I’ve started dating but compatibility has ….quite often too. I have yet to meet someone I’m truly compatible with. I haven’t been in sync with someone since I was 16-19 and in highschool, dating my HS sweetheart. Weird, huh? I find that so ironic because I’m at a point in my life NOW where I know myself SO well … yet can’t find that special someone to share my life with. Back when I was 16-19 I wasn’t even trying to really LEARN about me … I was too young and naieve to even really care =/ *yikes*. I’ve always said I don’t have a set type but maybe it’s time I actually garner one and stick to it.

People often say they want a partner that is loyal and honest and compassionate (oh and good looking – lol) but I think people need to start seeking out someone that is compatible to them. In speaking for myself, I know that if I did that more often I truly believe loyalty and honesty would fall into place on a more natural basis. You can’t force attraction and compatibility. It’s there or it isn’t. I also believe that if I was more compatible with someone I would save myself a lot of surprises farther down the road. This isn’t to say that rushing into a relationship without fully getting to know someone is a deal breaker because I know some happy couples that got together rather quickly and are still going strong. While rare, it is possible. On the flip side I know people that have been friends or lovers for years and have TOO many problems and issues. This further proves my theory of people being drawn to each other through compatibility. They just CLICK. This is NOT an easy quality to find in someone. For some it takes time to see … for others it happens almost immediately. Don’t confuse “clicking” with lust. Or even love. LOL. There is no such thing as love at first sight. I’m a romantic and I don’t believe in that.

Obviously, you aren’t going to find someone JUST like you and you will certainly have to compromise at one time or another but its better to have SOME compatibility rather than none at all. Right?

Think about it … why do match making corporations like E-Harmony preach so much about compatibility and swear that their couple success rate is based on such a thing? It works. Look around you at some of the couples you know. Especially the married ones. Are they happy? Ask them how much they have in common and see what they say?

Is a healthy and happy relationship based on more than just love? I believe it is. I have known for quite some time that love just simply is NOT enough … you need more. You need common goals, and interests. You need common morals and ethics. You should have common aspirations for your future! You should have a friendship. Not necessarily one for ages and years but one of depth and openess and respect.

I like relationships and actually prefer them to being single. I feel at ease knowing I have a commitment but I’m not going to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. In all my trials and tribulations with the relationships I’ve been in, I have grown and learned from each one. Foolishly, my last one, I knew a lot and felt a lot but believed little. And I went against my better judgement and against the grain. When you look closely at the mistakes you see where things went wrong and what it comes down to is that … you probably didn’t really know someone as well as you claimed to; or as well as you thought you did. For this reason alone, it failed.

So take the time to know that while it’s important to have seperate interests and seperate lives that you ALSO have commonalities and interests to sustain the test of time. You don’t want to be all up under your partner 24/7 but you also don’t want to be so detached from the relationship that you grow apart. Opposites may attract but I don’t think thats a general rule. I believe being compatible equates to longevity. God speed.

SYTYCD Voters: A Message

I dont even know why this is bothering me enough to make a post. I havent really watched this season nor do I have any emotions or cares truly invested in the show but I do enjoy watching past performances on youtube in my downtime. I’m noticing a trend in reading the comments. I’m sure they’ve been the same every season that has come and gone but I never see them because I tend to discuss shows such as these with a small group of people. Anyway, the point I’m trying to get to is that … people are always talking about so and so shouldnt have went home over so and so because so and so is better than so and so.

Dont you people understand that once the voting is solely in America’s hands it becomes America’s FAVOURITE dancer and not necessarily the BEST dancer? The best dancer doesn’t always win; this has been proven countless times. Why? Because not every American voting is an expert on the subject of dance AND there are so many different genres that one couldn’t possibly pinpoint the technique of EVERY single dance. SO, these voters will vote based on who has left an impression. Like Debbie Allen said on a recent show: people are going to vote for who is still on their mind when the show is over and they’ve got to pick up that phone. What’s so hard to understand?

Sure, we all have a right to voice our displeasure and opinions but …. if you UNDERSTAND this concept then you are less likely to “be upset” or “cry” over people going home. And yes, people have admitted to actually CRYING over dancers being sent home. LOL.

Anyway, these dancers are there for THEMSELVES. To get ahead in this business and further their career and also beacuse they LOVE to dance. THEY are the only ones that should be sad and crying. Us viewers, they are there for OUR entertainment. It’s reality TV for crying out loud. Some dancers take their leaving the show better than y’all. That’s crazy

Just remember that its ONLY TV people. And while it may be THEIR reality, it’s not your own.

Race Baiting 101

I got this in an email this morning and I wanted to pass it along:

***

Lou Dobbs is using his platform on CNN to revive paranoid conspiracy theories about whether President Obama was born in the U.S.¹ While the question was put to rest long ago, Dobbs is pretending that this extremist nonsense is a legitimate national conversation.

Intentionally or not, he is stoking the fires of racial fear and paranoia in the same way that the McCain/Palin campaign did when they cast Obama as “not one of us.”² Even after being called on this, Dobbs refuses to stop.

CNN, which is held in high regard by many Americans and describes itself as the “the most trusted name in news,” is allowing one of its hosts to give legitimacy to debunked, racist conspiracy theories.

Please join us in calling on CNN to dump Dobbs, and ask your friends and family to do the same:

http://www.colorofchange.org/dobbs/?id=2069-290706

For more than a year, folks on the far right have been claiming that President Obama is not a U.S. citizen; that he was born in Kenya, and as a result can’t be president³. This theory has been repeatedly debunked. Not only has the state of Hawaii provided a birth certificate to media organizations several times, there were also birth announcements in two separate Hawaii papers when Obama was born in 1961–for most reasonable people, that would remove any doubt.

Members of Dobbs’ own staff have said they’re uncomfortable with his insistence on pursuing this story⁴, but Dobbs insists on claiming there must be something to it because, “Obama refuses to produce the long-form of his birth certificate.” Other news outlets have refused to give the idea any credence. The head of MSNBC, Phil Griffin, had this to say about the claim: “It’s racist. It’s racist. Just call it for what it is.”⁵

Dobbs and race

Lou Dobbs has a history of attacking immigrants by spouting hateful rhetoric and lies. He once claimed that “the invasion of illegal aliens is threatening the health of many Americans” through “deadly imports” of diseases like leprosy and malaria.⁶ This kind of rhetoric feeds anti-immigrant hate, the kind of hate that leads to horrors like the beating death of Luis Ramirez in Pennsylvania and the shooting death of nine-year old Brisenia Flores in Arizona earlier this year. Dobbs’ rhetoric has led organizations like the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) to call on CNN to reign in Dobbs in the past.⁷

Now, Dobbs is going after President Obama by giving voice to the same kind of xenophobic rhetoric, stoking the deep-seated fears of angry right-wing extremists who, as CNN analyst Roland Martin has said, can’t accept the fact that their president is Black⁸.

Dobbs may not like Obama, but it’s a real problem for him to use his powerful position as a moderator of discussion about the news to validate a dangerous falsehood that’s rooted in racism.

Several watchdog groups have demanded action on the part of CNN. The head of the SPLC wrote CNN last week asking that they fire Dobbs based on his recent actions⁹. Media Matters and others have launched efforts to hold CNN accountable as well.¹⁰

CNN has the opportunity to live up to its description of itself as the most trusted cable news network. Or it can ignore the problem of Lou Dobbs and communicate something very different: that delivering real news and analysis is not its top priority, and that legitimizing extremist propaganda is an acceptable part of doing business.

Join us in calling on Jon Klein, the president of CNN, to take Dobbs off the air:

http://www.colorofchange.org/dobbs/?id=2069-290706

I Can’t Stop Laughing At Marbury Crying!!!

rofl.

Beautiful. Gravity.

I just watched a SYTYCD routine and this song was what the dancers danced to … I’ve always loved Sara Bareilles voice. This was my first time hearing this particular song. Yes, yes, I KNOW I’m late but better late than never. I am completely enchanted by it. I mean, this song is lyrically POWERFUL. Absolutely POWERFUL.

“You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains … I never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your reign …. Set me free. Leave me be. I dont wanna fall another moment into your gravity …” AHHHHH!

Book Review: Love The One You’re With

Emily Giffin is currently one of my favourite “chick lit” authors. Her name is usually one of the first I look for when perusing the shelves at Chapters.

I’ve read all of her books starting with “Something Borrowed” that spawned two follow up novels. Her writing is relatable, real, honest, and endearingly charming. Her characters are believable and well-developed. When I read a novel I want to KNOW the character I’m reading – and she does that amazingly well.

This  particular novel takes place in New York focusing on our heroine, Ellen Graham née Dempsey. Raised in Pittsburgh, Ellen lost her mother at an early age. She went away to college and befriended her wealthy but friendly roommate, Margot.  In the latter years of her college experience, Ellen met Leo, in of all places, while doing jury duty. Thus began a great courtship both filled with passion and intensity. However, without a strong understanding of why, Leo and Ellen’s romance and relationship falters and altogether dies out shortly after one New Year’s Eve.

In the presence of Ellen’s brokenheart she takes up a new hobby that ends up turning into a thriving career – photography. In the course of mending her heart she ends up dating Andy, her best friend Margot’s brother. Their courtship is romantic, based on a strong friendship and eventually they marry. All seems to be well until a fateful rainy day where Ellen runs into Leo in the middle of an intersection. Thus begins a tumultuous game of “what if” and “could be“.

The book pretty much deals with the question of: how can one woman love the one she is with when she is constantly thinking about the one that got away?

On a personal level I could relate to the concept of this story and while it’s “only a book” there was a VERY important lesson I took from it; the past is the past for a reason. It may not make sense. It may not be logical. It may not be easy to deal with or get over but, the past is indeed THE PAST.

I also took from this story, the quote I posted yesterday – directly below this blog entry.

Without giving away too much of the book (and definitely the ending), I think the question this story raises is a good one and any woman that has been haunted by the “what ifs” of her past will relate. Readers will follow Ellen’s journey into dangerous territory as she comes face to face with some tough, real-life decisions.

Emily Giffin’s novels are easy and quick reads. There are good and bad things to this because you wish the book won’t end but you are so engrossed with the stories and characters that you fly through it.

I highly recommend this book. It’s light, enjoyable reading as well as smart and witty. A page turner that you wont want to put down; I believe I read it in 3 days. PICK IT UP – lol.

Love Is ….

“…. the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together.”
© Emily Giffin

Fab & Drake – Throw It In the Bag (Remix)

I actually MUCH prefer this version to the original.

Available for download ==> here <==